Does he have misogynistic tendencies?

But appreciate it's likely becoming less socially acceptable than it once was.

I was slapped a few years ago by a random drunk woman after she accidentally spilled her drink over my girlfriend and didn't apologise - I had made a comment about her not handling her drink or suchlike. Bouncer didn't even kick her out, just came over to see what was happening.

ScottCheggJnr I hate face slapping and I hate the idea that it's acceptable for a woman to do to a man. However I think it's a bit of a trope. I don't know that it happens all that often; I imagine young men nowadays would hit a woman back if they got slapped for a crude pass at a woman in a pub/club. The idea that men are always gentlemanly and if they aren't it's ok to do something as demeaning as to slap them across the face doesn't make a lot of logical sense, because the ungentlemanly ones are the men who'd happily hit a woman anyway.
I have only met one woman who admitted to slapping a man and that was because he grabbed her crotch in a bar without warning. Most women don't dare initiate violence like that with a man because of the risk of coming off worse.
Perhaps in DV situations where the female has been abusive, it might happen. I know they exist, I lost a male relative this way.

I'm not sure of that without seeing the statistics, but it's defo not deemed acceptable for a man to slap a woman around the face even though the likelihood of causing serious injury is low.

How does he speak about/ treat his mum?

Hard to say if he's misogynistic or not so far. Some people use swear words without thinking

Is it just me but when did "whore" become a swear word?

It's an archaic word and I've never heard it used other than a historical context. I really can't imagine any situation where one would use it so from that point of view it strikes me as a very misogynistic word. I mean if I close a door on my hand I might turn the air blue with"fucks" but in what context would anyone be so angry they would use "whore"?

"Bitch" is awful, whether used by a man or a woman.

I would not be in a relationship with a man who casually used the words 'whore' or 'bitch' when speaking about women. It would be a red flag for me and I would walk.

Hard to say if he's misogynistic or not so far. Some people use swear words without thinking about their meaning much. I think you should emphasize to him that you're independent and can get by on your own. Misogynists tend to see women as the counterparts of men, with a main role in life of meeting a man's needs and putting his before her own. I've been told outright by some really sexist men that "men don't like independent women." Because, obviously they don't. Sexists often make blanket statements about men and women, too.
Also you might consider pointing out some of the things going on in your culture that you find sexist towards women and see if he agrees or not. A lot of misogynists mock the idea that women deal with sexism in any real way today. Get him talking about sexism, the Me Too movement, etc. and try to get a general idea of where he stands on that kind of stuff.

Imagine someone beating a man viciously while saying you're such a knob/dick.

Now imagine someone beating a woman viciously while saying you're a bitch.

Different images conjured? Yup. Not the same.

I don't really see your point.

Both are equally reprehensible. It's just that we're conditioned to view VAWG as a much worse crime.

Following on from what Bob says above and what others are getting at: everyone should watch this film

It blew me away and is very uncomfortable viewing (controlling relationship plot, not on the trailer).

are you actually looking to date him?

All swear words generally come from misogynistic, racist, disablist backgrounds. Some more overt than others. Sometimes people use them because theyve never really looked that deeply into it or are immature, but the fact is, theyre supposed to be offensive and shocking.
I wouldnt see any of those things as deal breakers for an aquaintance, or even a friend, Up to you if you want to dig deeper and catch him out, but whats the point?

That's what I thought, Oink, but I was puzzled that Apples says she knows this man well enough to think he's 'wonderful in every way* (and he's her ex-boss, someone she knows him as a colleague) but apparently not well enough to decide whether he's a misogynist.

OP, you clearly realise that using words like 'whore' and 'bitch' is misogynistic - you refer to them as red flags, which they are! It's also misogynist to describe a woman's clothing as inappropriate when it's obvious that what he meant was 'sluttish' or something equally offensive.

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with this creep.

I think that OP really likes him already, and wanted either enough justification to stop seeing someone she really likes, or enough justification to ignore something that worried her enough to make a thread about it. Skewing more towards the latter. The fact he's "intelligent" "guarded", used to be her boss and she wants a bit of back-up before having a debate with him worries me! OP, if you're about, make sure you approach any budding relationship as equals. If it isn't feasible, don't go there. video

OP, have you posted this question because you're contemplating a relationship with this man? If not, why are you asking? I'm rather puzzled!

I may get flamed but if you HAVE to actively look for signs of misogyny, then perhaps he isn't

OP didn't have to look - he set his stall out quite clearly and openly.

I would have dumped him for using the words mentioned. Even if it is "just" swearing

Me too.

I would walk the very first time a man used those particular words. I have very low tolerance for that kind of mysogenistic language. Please do not really really like a man who refers to women in this way. It won't end well.

I absolutely would not ask him what he thinks about a woman’s sexual history being used in rape cases - that is hardly something you drop into conversation and rape complainants are exploited enough without turning it into a litmus rest of a decent man.

I think the use of ‘whore’ and ‘bitch’ would put me off, to be honest, but I would also say that the point about how he reacts when you say no is a good one. Then also how does he treat women (or any people) in service roles? Is he willing to admit he was wrong rather than deflect and reverse blame in conflict situations? All of these things as well.

I may get flamed but if you HAVE to actively look for signs of misogyny, then perhaps he isn't.

I would have dumped him for using the words mentioned. Even if it is "just" swearing.

So no, there's no need to look for signs of misogyny.

Only the question if his misogyny is still in the tolerable range, so to speak. As women who want relationships often feel they have to compromise and allow for some misogyny.

I'd just mention some recent controversial rape case and let him talk.
Perhaps ask some innocent questions if the mention of the case doesn't get him talking anyway.

But she was doing the equivalent of wearing shorts in a court room. It was inappropriate dress

You said she had changed for after work drinks and was wearing a jacket over a bra top. Doesn't sound remotely equivalent.

But I was just concerned after the 'whore' and 'bitch' swearing that this could be part of a bigger misogynistic picture from him

I don't think I've ever heard "whore" used in real life. It is an extraordinary word to use. I don't like "bitch". I also don't like swearing being commonplace. He sounds pretty unpleasant tbh.

I'm a bloke and wouldn't use the word 'whore'. The word 'bitch' is less offensive to me if not used to describe women - i.e. if it's instead used like "oo, you're such a bitch".

On the flipside it seems very commonplace to call somebody a "dick" or a "knob" - see it plenty on here.