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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why my transgender son dosent want self ID

258 replies

justanothetnamechange · 10/12/2018 21:16

HI all, so I've been wanting to make this post for a while but I hire honest Ive been scared to but tonight I'm going for it.
I'm a regular user but have obviously name changed for this.
So I frequent this board often but have never posted before, I am very much for women's rights- as many of us are!! My world turned upside down 6 years ago when my son started having conversations with with us reguarding his gender identity, tbh to begin with I constantly shot him down, but realised that there was no harm in changing his prounouns and name if that what makes him comfortable, although this choice toke a couple years and a lot of arguments! We didn't rush into anything, at school he used disabled toilets and he didn't do PE anyway as it was extra catch up. But wasn't going to do medication at this stage- he could make this choice as an adult if that's what he wanted. He went under CAMHS. That brings us to 2018 he is know 18 years old so it's all very much his choice. He is soon to be assed for testosterone.
I don't want this post to be to much about his journey and please don't go on about how he will never be biologically a man, he knows this he is a proud trans man. This is how self ID would ruin that.
it brings another side of the argument that people might not have always thought about.
My son has gone through a lot of challenges and mile stones to be where he is today they have been emotional.
He feels self ID would take away these milestones.
He recently got his passport through saying male, to do this we had to get two doctors reports and a MH report and proth he was living as his gender. When it came through he cried, celebrated and went for a drink. Wink
He was recently allowed to play for a male football team to do this he needed club approval, a doctors report party and proth he was going to medically transition. He needed to be present for a pane. He just played his first game it was celebrated and a good game to watch.
He works as a man and is treated as a man. But it took a lot of battles.
He is soon to apply for a GRC something he feels is the final step for social transition.
But when he tells people he is transgender he feels people accept him more when he says he's had to go through this. He feels genuine. He under stands sex segregation and respects men's boundary's. He only changes in the male changing room at football for example because they had a meeting about it and everyone said it was fine and even then he come in at the end when everyone's changed to take part in the talks etc.
He doesn't like the idea that someone could say I'm trans one day and get all the rights he's fort for. He doesn't like the idea that people who don't understand transition will come into sex segregated spaces. He doesn't like that he won't feel his long struggles will be looked on in the same way as they were before. This one may sound Selfish- He Dosent like that already stressed resources will become even more stressed as boundary's to be accepted will weaken. He wants to be accepted and knows he won't by everyone but in his opinion it happens more when he has that M in his passport and plus for his local team and when everyone can do this it's not as real. His struggles aren't as real. His battles aren't as real. His tears aren't as real. He feels even more invalidated. when he was 17 we talked about the GRC and he said how happy he'd feel when it came through and how he would have a weight lifted from his shoulders know someone wants to take away from this.
I hope this was right to post and makes sense!!
If anyone has any questions my son and me are happy to try and answer them.
I'm going to go put my hard hat on and hide in a corner just in case!

OP posts:
justanothetnamechange · 10/12/2018 21:38

Thanks ladies!!! Ohh I might breath a little bit.
I think it's very much one battle at a time with this topic let's battle self ID before battling the controversy of medical transition although this is something I won't get my sons approval on!!!
I can't stop him or have a say at 18 something he's aware of

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 10/12/2018 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 10/12/2018 21:33

No need to hide OP. Thanks for posting. I don't really know what to say except that whatever happens with self ID I wish you and your child the very best for the future Flowers

justanothetnamechange · 10/12/2018 21:30

Thats fine! I dont support him medially tanstioning tbh and he knows this and thats why i didnt support anything below 18 (not legally a child), including binding.

OP posts:
LangCleg · 10/12/2018 21:29

I wish you and your child only the best OP. I hope everything works out well and I agree about self-ID.

That said, I'm sorry but I can't support the transition of young people.

justanothetnamechange · 10/12/2018 21:29

I didnt expect for evreyone on this thread to be supportive but I dodnt except someone to call my son names. I and he dosent want ayone to feel sorry for him, youre right women dont go through a journey to be accepted as a women, they go through journeys of there own, he not a women or a man hes a trans man and they go through a journey. Hes thought of all of that of course thats why i said he isnt making any discions till he was 18.
I dont expect evreyone to accept him but please dont group EVREY trans peorson in the same circle

OP posts:
RiverTam · 10/12/2018 21:24

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rightreckoner · 10/12/2018 21:21

Lots of respect to both of you. I take my hat off to your son and his thoughtful approach.

The one comment I would make is that this thoughtful approach is much more prevalent among transmen who understand the sensitivities of others than many transwomen who appear to despise women.

I hope he finds some peace in his new identity.

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