Why my transgender son dosent want self ID

Feelin male/female and having gender dysphoria is different and can alter how your brain answers that question.

This is such an interesting point.

Does he mean that it not that he ‘feels like a man’ in the way that he knows what a man feels like, rather that the gender dysphoria makes him feel wrong and that’s sated when he presents ‘as a man’.

Out of interest has his gender dysphoria got better or worse since he started presenting as a man?

I only ask because I know a transman who says that it got worse because before he was a unhappy that he was presenting as a woman but that was a constant, but now he’s worried that he’s not passing all the time and when he gets misgendered it really hurts him.

He seems to think that won’t haopen once he starts taking t but I’m not so sure.

Poor you, what an impossible situation as a parent. Since your dc is an adult you no longer have a say but just have to be there I suppose.

You have a daughter who says otherwise.

One of my dc is severely disabled. It has been a hard road trying to boost self esteem whilst teaching resilience and necessary acceptance in the face of public prejudice. There is a way to go yet (a neverending conundrum I suspect) and I think every day a child who will never walk spends in the world is one wishing to be able to walk but no good would ever come from denying reality.

Being a parent is difficult. A magic wand would be nice but there isn't such a thing. If there was I would have found it by now!

I think I'd be trying to support my daughter's feelings that she does not want to become a woman despite being a girl: because she is correct, in many ways - being a woman can be shit.

Would it be possible to explore radical feminism with her, probably gently?

The fact that her favourite subject has always been science does Not make her a boy/man!

OP, you say that your child is keeping their breasts and vagina. How do they define 'man'?

This is a genuine and not a rhetorical question!

I am very sorry that your child is so distressed by their female body that they intend to alter it by taking harmful drugs and possibly mutilating surgery. I am profoundly grateful that my proud lesbian daughter (in her 20s) was not born ten years later as she might well have fallen victim to 'transgenderism'.

I wish you both health and happiness.

I understand why your son must feel it’s insulting when some TRAs say that they are only a woman on Wednesdays etc. It’s just a piss take to them when it’s his whole life.

I suppose it’s the difference ( generally ) between people with gender dysphoria and those with AGP. The second group are giving the first a bad name.

I hope your son finds peace OP.

Seriously, your child will never be a ‘real man’ and is on a very difficult path that in other circumstances no-one would take, which will never give them the end goal they dream of. I would do my very best to help them accept their body for what it is and to live their fullest life in that body, healthy and undamaged by drugs and mutilating surgery.

Op has already acknowledged that her son knows he is not a ‘real man’ and is a trans man.
I’m sure the op would love her child not to go down the surgery and hormone route but she has to tread a careful line. It could be so much worse if OP pushes her child away and he stops confusing in her, that’s when he is at his most vulnerable.

Once he is over 18 there’s very little the op can do.

I hope your son is ok and makes the right choices for him. If it was my child, especially if a female child transitioning to male, I’d be really concerned about the possibility of sexual abuse, as there is a correlation between SA and dissociating with one’s body. I hope this isn’t the case for your child.

Seriously, your child will never be a ‘real man’ and is on a very difficult path that in other circumstances no-one would take, which will never give them the end goal they dream of. I would do my very best to help them accept their body for what it is and to live their fullest life in that body, healthy and undamaged by drugs and mutilating surgery. You say they have been brave to get here - use that bravery to get out of here.

It sounds like your son has put a great deal of thought into it and I agree with his views. I always feel quite torn reading this site as although I do agree with most of the posts, in my professional role I am in contact with a transman who is the same age as your son and from what i know is goding through a similar journey. I find him generally very rational and know he has carefully thought about his life choices. Thank you for your post as it resonates with some of my views on the topic.
I strongly disagree with any medical intervention before 18.

Well shes quite right, it does render gender non conformist peoples struggles with their identity a bit unnecessary and probably takes away some of the landmarks in their own personal projects.

I wish her peace and hope she doesn't do anything irreversible , as i can't help but feel for all these people who regret it now as it didn't solve the problems they thought it would

thanks for this thread op. I appreciate this perspective.

I'd be interested to know what your son's view is on all the videos on youtube from detransitioners?

At 18 he is an adult and can make his own decisions.
I sincerely hope that he doesn't regret any medical treatment he takes.
It must be very difficult to watch your child go through that.
He's clearly put a lot of thought into it but I still believe that his thinking is flawed.
I do agree on self-id though. The process should not be easy.

Thanks for the post; it came over very well, and your son seems to be a sensible young man, and one to be proud of. The very best of luck to you, and your family.

What a difficult situation OP that you seem to be handling really well.
You obviously have a good relationship and that he trusts you, this has meant he hasn’t gone and bought things off the internet behind your back and it listening to you. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do once he turns 18 but hopefully he will continue to know that you want the best for him whatever he chooses.

I don’t think that every trans identifying person is a narcissist and I actually think your son sound really thoughtful.

Fair play to you OP. Best of luck for your son's future. I think he'll do just fine x

But River, we women aren't meant to honest if it hurts someones feelings are we? We are socialised to be nice, respectful, say what people want to hear. Am I wrong?

Full respect OP but a lot of us just don't agree with changing gender. If all transwomen were as thoughtful as your son (I'll say son to be respectful) we wouldn't be where we are today.

Glad you waited until 18.

I can't help wondering if, after all that, whether the medical intervention is really necessary? There are many health risks and the changes are pretty irreversible. How about reviewing at 25 years old? Keep options open. Most people don't really mature until then anyway.

Wishing you and your child all the best and hoping you proceed with much caution and consider the possibility of loving one's body as we are.

As for self ID I can see how that would be galling to see people changing the sex their birth certificate with no consideration of the enormity of what they are doing. The GRA was originally meant for people with certifiable dysphoria, not just any entitled git who wants it for whatever reason. I can get why your child is anti self ID.

I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation, but estrangement from my child would be the biggest no-no. Best of luck, OP.

Wish you and your kid best of luck, too, OP. It is good you waited til after kid was 18. Once the kid is adult, there is not much to do for a parent but support kids on their path, which includes keeping them rooted in reality, which your kid apparently is.

I’m not calling him names. I’m responding to your post honestly, describing how it came across to me.