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Original poster

Can someone explain what "genderqueer" means?

83 replies

beenandgoneandbackagain · 10/12/2018 11:15

I'm struggling to understand what people mean when they say they identify as "genderqueer".

Just about everything else I can think of in the various debates/discussions in the FWR board can be viewed objectively. e.g. a male who presents in a certain way, I can see how they are presenting, and accept that they may identify in a certain way.

We can subjectively see when something is sexually simulating / attractive to another person, e.g. their sexuality or what turns them on, e.g. BDSM or preferred "kink" or whatever they call it these days.

We can see "gender" in the way things are viewed as male/female by wider society, e.g. lipstick is seen as a female thing, football as a (mostly) male thing. I am in no way saying I agree with "gender" but I "get" what people mean when they use it.

But "queer"? I'm really struggling with that one, especially when combined with the word queer and used by a woman in a heterosexual relationship with a beardy-male. What subjective things are there to help me understand what the term means?

I know this isn't exactly the right board, but it's where the experts of mumsnet are.

OP posts:
Materialist · 10/12/2018 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alicethroughtheblackmirror · 10/12/2018 15:45

I think genderqueer means posh kids appropriating structural oppression because it was the only thing their parents couldn't buy them.

This! It's basically straight, white, middle class kids who achingly want to be special and dislike having to justify themselves or their opinions. Molly, Adam and chums from the Green Party, basically.

2rebecca · 10/12/2018 15:20

I think we need to get back to being a society that values stoicism and "not making a fuss". This oppression olympics I must be more special than everyone else stuff isn't good for us. Who you sleep with or exactly how feminine you are on a sliding scale on any given day really isn't that exciting to other people.

Datun · 10/12/2018 13:44

I think genderqueer means posh kids appropriating structural oppression because it was the only thing their parents couldn't buy them.

Grin

It's deciding that they are not credible enough to listen to unless they've got some oppression going on. So they fake it.

FWRLurker · 10/12/2018 13:16

It sounds like a way for a straight person to colonize Gay/Bi/Lesbian spaces?

AgonyBeetle · 10/12/2018 13:14

Genderqueer = Immature heterosexual person who wants to be more specialler than the boring old grownups.

2rebecca · 10/12/2018 13:07

Just got my Sandy Draws Badly 2019 calendar.
May
Homosexual: Same sex attraction
Heterosexual: opposite sex attraction
Bisexual: Attraction to either sex
Pansexual: Attraction to practical non-stick kitchenwares
Aromatic Pansexual: Attraction to a spice filled karahi.

GoblinsAndGhouls · 10/12/2018 13:00

sleepy Grin

tellmewhenthespaceshiplands · 10/12/2018 12:51

Sleepy Smile

sleepyhead · 10/12/2018 12:51

It means "I am considerably woker than yaaaaw".

tellmewhenthespaceshiplands · 10/12/2018 12:51

I genuinely still don't get what it actually means Hmm>feels very stupid and wonders if this could be part of the point I.e to make those of us happy with what nature gave us and genuinely too busy getting on with everyday, mundane life to have time for such navel gazing = Not speshul enough <

On a side note Ruby Rose is possibly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen!

Notevenmyrealname · 10/12/2018 12:46

I don’t conform with around 50-60% of the assumptions people have made about me over my life based on my sex, although, I do “present” as a woman and have no problem wearing make up or women’s clothes. What would be really handy would be if someone could produce a guide or a sliding scale or a graph so that everyone can plot where they are and know instantly what “identity” they have. I did do a buzzfeed questionnaire for a laugh one day and apparently I’m cis-male, but for some reason that just doesn’t seem to fit with my life as a heterosexual biological female who is married with children.

ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 12:39

This^

ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 12:38

I think genderqueer means posh kids appropriating structural oppression because it was the only thing their parents couldn't buy them.

nauticant · 10/12/2018 12:36

Q; Who is genderqueer?
A: Seemingly, just about everyone.

Q: How come only a small subset of people are saying they're genderqueer?
A: Quite.

GoblinsAndGhouls · 10/12/2018 11:59

I read aromantic as aromatic and thought there was a whole other thing in the world that I wasn't aware of, olfactory sexuality. (It probably is a thing, not googling it, not going there)

You could well be onto something there...

I have 'sensory issues' and smell is a HUGE part of sexual attraction for me - I have been sexually attracted to someone, or not, purely based on their natural scent.

Ooh, maybe I can chuck myself in the trans bucket after all!!

GoblinsAndGhouls · 10/12/2018 11:56

I have recently been told that I am trans because I don't identify with female stereotypes and some of my interests are typically male.

I was welcomed to sit at the 'trans table'.

I pointed out that if I were genuinely considered 'trans' then it made a mockery of the whole thing!

The person I was talking to said that they were a non-binary female and they were luckier than transwomen because they 'pass'.

I asked what, if they are biologically female and people perceive them as such, they are 'passing' as. They were unable to tell me but it was very important that I understood, and accepted, that they were 'trans'.

Whole thing is a fucking joke!

LangCleg · 10/12/2018 11:55

I think genderqueer means posh kids appropriating structural oppression because it was the only thing their parents couldn't buy them.

GoblinsAndGhouls · 10/12/2018 11:52

so genderqueer just means a normal person then, but not wanting to be a normal person? If it's someone who is a bit of all "genders" so a lipstick wearing woman wielding a screwdriver . . . .

Pretty much. It means "I'm actually just really ordinary but I'd rather like to be interesting. Only I'm not."

AngryAttackKittens · 10/12/2018 11:44

Mostly seems to mean "person who wears slightly gender non-conforming clothes, in that they don't literally look like Barbie/Action Man, and who for some reason thinks this means they're a brave iconoclast who's too unique to be described as a mere man or woman" in my experience.

Original poster
beenandgoneandbackagain · 10/12/2018 11:42

Aren't we supposed to have dropped the "I" after the intersex people grew tired of being used as a "gotcha" football in the appropriation of women's rights by men. I respect their wishes and don't use the "I" in the alphabetsoup.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 10/12/2018 11:35

How does Miley Cyrus defy gender boundaries? I didn't think she was trans and she always looks like a woman with make up etc? The orange is the new black woman pictured just looks like a woman with a smart short hair cut.
It does seem as though all this genderfluid/ queer stuff is just a way of saying "I have a personality that has some masculine and some feminine personality traits in it" ie "I am normal". Are they all just desperate to go to the LGBTQIetc parties?

Original poster
beenandgoneandbackagain · 10/12/2018 11:33

Thank you arran - so genderqueer just means a normal person then, but not wanting to be a normal person? If it's someone who is a bit of all "genders" so a lipstick wearing woman wielding a screwdriver . . . .

It's not an actual "thing" then is it? It's just a meaningless word which adds little to the discusion if it's so indefinable.

OP posts:
mypoosmellsofcinnamon · 10/12/2018 11:33

I read aromantic as aromatic and thought there was a whole other thing in the world that I wasn't aware of, olfactory sexuality. (It probably is a thing, not googling it, not going there)

arranbubonicplague · 10/12/2018 11:27

We x-posted so I'll happily leave it to Errol to cope with genderqueer apart from dropping in this:

theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-genderqueer-48596