How do you cope with the hate?

34 replies

cherryontop00 · 01/12/2018 21:59

I usually post on tumblr rather than mumsnet but I hope people don't mind me posting here. I wanted advice from people who are older and probably know better than people my age (late teens).

For the most part, what I read doesn't bother me, but sometimes things get stuck in my head and I can't shake them off. I've read that "lesbians are just broken transmen" and that's stuck in my head and made me wonder if there's something wrong with me. I've been called 'creepy' and 'gross' for saying I wouldn't have sex with anyone with a penis. There's a post going around saying that same-sex attraction is disgusting (because it's transphobic) and that hurts me too. Then there's countless posts calling lesbians creepy vagina fetishists and that really gets to me because even though I know there's nothing wrong with being attracted to women, I really struggle already with feeling predatory or creepy in general when I'm around my crushes and to know then thousands of people genuinely believe I am a creep because I only like women makes it even harder for me to accept that I'm gay and that it's okay to be gay. People (on tumblr) act like the biggest crime is not having sex with a man and sometimes it makes me feel like there's something really really wrong with me because I'm not attracted to men at all.

Then, I also don't understand why radfems/terfs are hated so much. Again, for the most part it doesn't bother me (well, it bothers me that people talk so violently about hurting 'terfs', but it doesn't usually bother me on a personal level), but the other day someone called radfems "scum of the earth" and that's stuck with me. Why would you call someone who believes women don't have penises the scum of the earth, when there's rapists and murderers and abusers out there? There's people who bend over backwards to defend bdsm and prostitution, but the minute you say you don't support porn they act like you're the worst person on earth and tell you to kill yourself.

This is a vent more than actual feminist discussion, but I'm hoping someone has some advice. If I don't read anything then I don't get upset like this, but I think it's important to be in the loop with everything that's happening (+ I think it's important to read what TRAs have to say because I think it's important to hear both sides of the argument), so I don't want to just stop reading forums.

OP posts:

ThinkIveFoundYourMarbles · 01/12/2018 22:41

Come off Tumblr. Seriously.

HestiaParthenos · 01/12/2018 22:39

Two posts, and I forgot the main thing I wanted to say:

I think being in radfem spaces would massively benefit you.

It is like a breath of fresh air after being on tumblr.

JuniLoolaPalooza · 01/12/2018 22:31

People (on tumblr) act like the biggest crime is not having sex with a man and sometimes it makes me feel like there's something really really wrong with me because I'm not attracted to men at all.

I've always been GC/peak trans but this shit is what keeps me awake at night. OP, it's bullshit, you're through the looking glass. You. Are. Not. Wrong. As I have ranted before and will again, a huge part of this TRA agenda is sexually abusing young women and girls in the name of inclusivity and I cannot stand it.

I have never been on Tumblr and suggest you stick around here! Or maybe follow some of the brilliant GC women on Twitter.

SignMeUp · 01/12/2018 22:24

I'm not sure how, but I think young lesbians need to hang out in real life with older proud lesbians. Maybe a sort of mentor or support connection. They tend to be rather invisible. I commend you for your strong sense of self and critical thinking as a teen in this charged climate. Come here and rant whenever you want!

zzzzz · 01/12/2018 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerfectPenquins · 01/12/2018 22:09

Honestly stay away from that shit, the people using that disgusting, absuive, rape language are foul human beings. This is a vile movement within the trans activists community who actually are very concerning in the way they think. I’d be concerned they are likely to be abusers with those kinds of views.
You are not wrong, you are not disgusting and being a lesbian is nothing wrong or creepy or transphobic. Please don’t listen to them or give them head space.

HestiaParthenos · 01/12/2018 22:05

Oh, I forgot: Are you active in any radfem spaces? I mean, real radfem spaces.

I think most people on here just are regular feminists who are a bit surprised that their kind of feminism is now called "radical".

HestiaParthenos · 01/12/2018 22:04

Take regular breaks from engaging with TRAs. That's what I have found to be helpful.

I don't really think you have to read what TRAs write online on purpose. They are almost everywhere, you will hear their side of the argument whether you want to or not.

You get some here, too, it seems, and this is a feminist forum.

IstanbulConstan · 01/12/2018 22:02

Can you place link some examples?

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