Engagement rings

Engaged men never wear them, engaged women nearly always do; therefore it's sexism.
Not sure that women doing something they want to do and men not doing it because they have no interest is sexism. It's just difference.
Anyway, dp told me that when I finally propose he wants a ring (and I'd get him one too) so some men will wear them. It won't be a diamond though!

I don't think in terms of feminism, I just do as I wish. It's your ring and if it makes you happy to wear it, then wear it.

I have 2 engagement rings and I only don't wear them now because they no longer fit me and don't go with the other rings I like to wear now. I haven't stopped wearing other jewelry bought for me by previous partners.

I used to wear a ring on each finger and it would have looked odd if I missed out one finger because that was meant for engagement and wedding rings only.

On a similar note, the notion of a man asking a woman’s father for permission to marry her infuriates me. It is in no way romantic. I am not my father’s property.

Ihavebrillo

Pick a side.

Or make it a mutual thing.
I have nothing against people making a mutual declaration of their love and intention to be a partnership. And of course it is each person’s choice. It is possible to put a little consciousness into the process, which actually makes it more meaningful.

(I don’t wear any rings)

IHaveBrilloHair what is it that makes you so angry about this? I would have thought it was fairly uncontroversial to point out the patriarchal background to engagement rings, and the idea that some women therefore don't want to wear one.

When my brother got engaged, both he and his fiancee got engagement rings. I guess that's about as close to equality as an engagement ring can get, since both parties were publicly declaring that they are 'taken'.
I do agree with her really, but I still wanted ring. Dh got a nice new watch when I got my ring - joint money paid for them both, since we were living together and had a baby at that point.

Ffs l am a feminist, but some of this stuff puts me right off it, to the point where I'd be reluctant to say it in public.

I was happily married to my wonderful DH til the day he died, but neither of us had engagement or wedding rings. We both felt they smacked of ownership. We only got married as we needed the tax break - both of us saw it as a patriarchal institution, so we just had a quick minimal ceremony - us, 2 witnesses and a female registrar. No “giving away” etc!

It's a visible sign that property has been claimed.

Engaged men never wear them, engaged women nearly always do; therefore it's sexism.

You can't wear one and have a non-sexist wedding. I have no problem with women wearing them - their choice - but don't wear one and claim you're gaving a non-sexist wedding.

I love my engagement ring and don't view it any differently to my wedding band. We both wear wedding bands as a symbol of our marriage.

I have linked engagement rings and feminism since I was about 14.

Me too. Hence never getting married or engaged.

How is that people do not know this?

If you want it, put a ring on it. Fuck sake.

I have linked engagement rings and feminism since I was about 14.

I didn't get engaged, we just got married. I probably would have gone for civil partnership nowadays.

I despise the trappings of engagement/marriage, it's all done under the guise of being 'the bride's big day' but it's clearly a form of patriarchal control. I've never fully shaken the uncomfortable feeling I had on my wedding day.

I can't link feminism and engagement rings to be honest.

Meh, if you are going to think that an engagement ring, however you do it personally, is going to be a sign of patriarchal control. You probably aren't going to be the type to get married anyway.

For us it was a sign of commitment, bought many years before we finally got married. It was just a symbol that we were on the same page about where we wanted the relationship to go.

I think both engagement rings, and marriage can be approached from a modern, more personal perspective that reflects the couple in question without necessarily reinforcing the patriarchy. But maybe that is just what I tell myself to justify doing it!