Girls or co-ed at secondary?

Forgot to say that my DD is also a top performer in Science, it’s her favourite subject. On course for an 8 or 9 in Biology, Chenistry & Physics & wants to do medicine, despite the school not being especially STEM-focused. I don’t know if that would have happened in a mixed-sex comp given that we are all about the humanities in our family & DD isn’t one to assert herself in front of others.

All depends on the school. DD14 thrives at an all-girls school, after going to a co-ed primary. She’s very lucky, she’s a very quiet, not especially worldly child, doesn’t like much popular culture, hates loud pop music and prefers to sit reading in form time and has had no bullying at all. She’s allowed to just be herself. Despite having amazing academic results it’s not a hot-house, they take children with SEN and the emphasis is about educating the whole person.

I had reservations about all-girls but in today’s climate, I think it’s essential. There’s so much social pressure on girls when boys are in the classroom, not to mention issues of harassment. In a single- sex you find that pastoral support and PSHE is better tailored and the girls emerge with a lot more confidence. Research demonstrates that both sexes do better academically when segregated.

I do understand your point about socialising with boys though, so we make sure she does some co-ed stuff outside of school, like a local youth group and St John Ambulance.

I had a similar problem but that’s because I had one older sister and no cousins or extended family as my parents were both only children so we never socialised with any boys at all. And she can always go to a co-ed 6th form, but 11-16, sex segregated education is best, if you can access it, IMO.

I have only positive things to say about single sex education. Sure, girls can be a bit mean, but I don’t think that’s any different in a mixed school. Education without the distraction of boys was a good thing IMO.

I had some extremely negative experiences with boys at secondary school. To send a daughter to a mixed school I'd want to be sure that the school took misogyny, sexual harassment and sexist 'banter' seriously. And that it worked proactively to create a culture where girls are safe.

Presumably some schools are good at this and some aren't. Although the statistics for sexual assault of girls at school are terrible overall.

I did my degree (and post grad degree) in a very male dominated subject - 8 women, 150 odd men. Two of the women came from single sex schools and it was noticeable in our first year that they didn't compete for the best equipment in labs, were a bit over nice when working in a group so would do more than their share rather than pushing back.

If I had a daughter, my preference might be single sex 11-16 as long as the school was still strong in ICT, technology and science.

I went to an all girls school and although experienced problems with friendship groups etc and long standing anxiety caused by high academic expectations I think that was just me - I'd have had a whole set of different issues in mixed.

Reading what goes on in schools now and the rise of phones / porn and general objectification of women and girls, I currently feel VERY strongly in favour of single sex for DD but she's only 4.

Unsurprisingly, I don't feel so strongly for DS but ideally the all boys state school which is just down the road is excellent so that would be my preference. However, if he doesn't get a place there, I'd happily consider mixed.

If DD doesn't get a place in the single sex state, I'd consider downsizing / taking on a 2nd job to pay for the single sex private option instead.

I came out of secondary with a total acceptance that girls could and would do everything and anything, the world was my oyster and I was naively confident of my equal standing in society.

I will be making sure DD is in cubs / scouts etc and currently she really enjoys rugby and football so I'll try to encourage these as out of school activities to socialise with boys if she does end up in single sex.

River then why not just go by her preference?

I went to an all girls secondary and want to send my children to a co-ed secondary. My school wasn't the supportive, empowering sisterhood that all girls schools are meant to be, it was horribly bitchy, bullying was rife and I spent a fair bit of time there quite unhappy. I also did a very female dominated hobby which meant I had pretty much zero contact with boys (apart from my own much younger brother) all throughout my teenage years, which meant that by uni and work life I was so awkward around males (and still am a bit), although that might have been the case anyway I guess.

Of course I don't have a co-ed education to compare it with and I know that there are horror stories around boys behaviour towards girls in school as well. But I will be sending my kids to a mixed school.

DD goes to a co-ed comprehensive. I went to a single sex grammar school. Where I live, the best schools, both state and independent, are co-educational, so I didn't really have a single sex option, but I wanted her to be able to go to school with her brother, so would probably have avoided single sex schools in any case.

I didn't have problems taking to boys as a result of my single sex education. I was possibly slightly hampered socially by thinking of girls and women as the default for humans, but I don't think that it was a bad thing that I had no qualms about mysterious women's things to men, and got a bit confused when men offered to carry light things for me.

I do think that in your situation I might consider the single sex school for a DD who showed a strong interest in science or sport - the women I know with careers in science almost all went to single sex schools.

I have no wise words. Never been to a girls‘ school but I understand the benefits in theory. (In practice I will say that the most obnoxious, bullying and underhanded class mate I had was a girl - I can‘t rule out that she would have been less of a pain, had she not performed for a male audience. The most enduring friendship I forged in school is with a boy - over sports.)
My kid is a boy and I want to keep him in Mixed classes. The guys going to tech-schools (virtually no girls there at the time) that I met at university were all akward. Some nice awkward some horrible awkward, but all awkward.
I never saw this problem with girls from ‚all girls‘ schools, though. You are the first I heard bringing that up.