Not sure I am on board with feminism any more.

I do wonder if the reason why no one has said you can't to your son is because he is adhering to the male stereotypes and were he to stray outside of those things would be very different?

You make some interesting and valid points Weetabix they don’t apply to my son although I’m sure they absolutely apply elsewhere.

DH’s best friend is a SAHD and we know several other SAHDs. So no my DS isn’t being brought up to think that isn’t an absolutely valid life choice.

He’s played with plenty of “girls” toys and plenty of dressing up in dresses without anyone batting an eyelid. He has worn a skirt in public without challenge also. All the men he knows think wearing a skirt in public is fine.

He doesn’t personally have the grace for ballet though he has done other kinds of dance classes. His good friend (male) studies ballet and we regularly go to the theatre to watch the ballet so he doesn’t see dance as a solely female endeavour.

I appreciate that we live in the kind of place which makes these things possible. I appreciate it’s not the norm. As does he.

We’re doing our very best not limit our children within the society we live in.

As for what if he has a break down? What if he’s mugged? I’m not sure I see your point?

Where have I said I’ve told him he’s bullet proof?
Where have I said he isn’t or can’t be vulnerable?
Where have I said I’ve told him he can’t show weakness or emotion?
Where have I said I’ve told him he won’t have to work hard for what he wants?
Where have I said he can’t choose to be anything he wants?

WildThoughAppeared

Worth pointing out that most victims of violence in this world are men

Worth pointing out the overwhelming majority of perpetrators of violence are men. If men stopped attacking other men that would largely solve the problem.

Having said that I do have a bit of an issue with NonaGray's last post and her son being some sort of shining white knight rescuing and pulling up her daughter.

men (and boys) are portrayed in all kinds of ways, as both heroes and villains and as everything in between.

Really? I see men/boys portrayed as either heroes or villains. Where is the "everything in between"?

As another poster said, your argument is the same as saying that the dogs' home would be more effective if it also helped cats, dolphins and donkeys, because they need help too. Maybe they do, but that isn't what the dogs' home is for.

But it isn't the same is it? As mothers we have a responsibility to teach equal responsibility, to highlight strengths and weaknesses, to encourage good traits, to raise responsible adults who will positively contribute.

To use your cats rescue home analogy it's like someone having both a cat and a dog but choosing to praise the cat and shower it with love whilst constantly kicking the dog.

I've delivered someone to the station, mucked out two horses and made a ginger cake.

Has the OP given any examples of the negative messages feminism is sending to boys yet so we can have a proper discussion?

Awild, I didn't post a negative message. I posted a balanced message that was structured "This is wrong, don't do it and here's what you should do." And I didn't laugh and mock you either, I engaged with your point.

Bunbury is curious about whether there's something important happening today that this thread may be intended to distract us from, as she's an awfully distrustful person.

I'm not sayig it's the job of feminism but I am saying feminism would be more effective if it did.

Sorry, as a feminist I prefer to focus my limited time/resources on helping women. By 'more effective' do you mean 'more palatable to men'? Because that's really not the point. If not, what measure of 'effectiveness' are you using?

If individual feminists want to work on projects focusing on helping men or boys, that's great and I'd be in favour of them. But it's not what feminism as a movement is for. As another poster said, your argument is the same as saying that the dogs' home would be more effective if it also helped cats, dolphins and donkeys, because they need help too. Maybe they do, but that isn't what the dogs' home is for.

Feminism is limited in what it can do for boys. I think it does what it can in promoting the values it wants to see in boys and men, hence Nona’s son at University standing up for female students. My own son has done similar.

For the rest, boys need good male role models. They need men to step up and show them how to be decent, strong men. They will not take kindly to women lecturing them on what they should be; they’ll learn best from example.
Too many boys are getting their role models from poor examples.

OP, is this the sort of role model for boys you're looking for? I have to say, I found this both moving and inspirational:

twitter.com/davidhogg111/status/1048269438875828225

Other examples of feminism supporting men, it's mostly feminists who raise concerns about things like the male suicide rate etc.

How do you think feminism or feminists should spread positive messages about men? What methods do you think should be used?

Nonagray’s posts about her son sum up I think what the OP is saying.

In her eyes her son faces nothing but a positive future. He literally has it all. He's strong, diplomatic, powerful, good looking, looked up to etc etc.

So what happens if one day he can't cope? He has a breakdown? He shows weakness? He gets mugged or attacked when walking home?

Men's lives aren't all charmed and I think we show them a disservice by raising them to think that they are bullet proof, that their future is assured just be virtue of their sex.

Men and women are both vulnerable. Certainly the threats are different and women are more vulnerable in certain circumstances but it is quite bizarre how stark the contrast is in attitudes between males and females that is being displayed here.

You are reinforcing the very stereotypes that you claim to be against.

My concern, maybe wrong, is that feminism would have boys embrace ONLY the "tradiitonally female" traits and suppress the "traditionally male" ones.

I’m a feminist parent.
Actively feminist in my parenting. To both a son and a daughter.

Re-read my posts. Do I seem to be suppressing male characteristics in my son?

Do I seem to be telling him that men are toxic and he should behave like a woman?

I’m married to a man.
A man I clearly think is wonderful.
A man who parents equally.
A successful, strong, kind alpha male.

I dont want the world to teach boys that men are less I want the world to teach boy that men have they potential to be so much more. That they could do amazing things.

My son has the potential to do anything he wants. Anything.

How wonderful would it be if a tiny part of that “anything” was protecting those less powerful, standing up against injustice and reaching out a hand to pull up his sister so that she could take her place beside him in this world.

Help make her (and her Sisters) equal. Share power, share opportunities, share success, share responsibility, share wealth. Keep them safe.

And the change in behaviour we need to make this shining vision of the future come true is not a change in behaviour from our daughters it’s change in behaviour by our sons.

And our husbands, fathers, brothers.

The message of feminism isn’t about tell boys what they can’t do - it’s about showing boys the power they already have and asking them to use it well.

It’s about making sure our girls are ready to grab the opportunity for equality, on the off chance that it is offered to them and teaching them to fight for their rights in the meantime.

I was going to post something but can't be bothered other than to second everything AngryAttackKittens said.

Feminism doesn't need to sing the praises of "not all men". Those can be allies and add themselves to the "stop treating women like property".

OK, one brief moment of engagement and then I'm back to the pisstaking this thread deserves - men (and boys) are portrayed in all kinds of ways, as both heroes and villains and as everything in between. Anyone who claims that men are mostly or always portrayed as violent abusers either has rather odd media consumption habits or is telling porkies.

The only thing feminism is telling men not to do is things that actively hurt or harm women.

Feminism is also telling men what they can do. Feminism is telling men that they can be carers, that they can take up traditionally female roles without being discriminated against for doing so.

I'm really not sure what else you think feminism should be doing.