Not sure I am on board with feminism any more.

Feminists teach boys that the only personal qualities of value are kindness and compassion. All other qualities (competition, ambition, standing up for themselves) are to be suppressed for fear of becoming an oppressor and a monster.

This is simply not true.
Feminists have been teaching women to stand up for themselves and compete with men in real life.

The main problem in society is that kindness and compassion are seen as weaker qualities. Less worthy of men by comparison with competition.

Men as a whole don't benefit from it - see higher suicide rates among men.

"Feminists teach boys that the only personal qualities of value are kindness and compassion. All other qualities (competition, ambition, standing up for themselves) are to be suppressed for fear of becoming an oppressor and a monster."
Do they? Where? How? Who? Please could you give some examples?

Feminists really don't teach that ambition etc are bad characteristics. Why do you think that?

We constantly say NAMALT. But it's not for feminists to make men look better than the crap job some men are doing of it.

I'm saying they should think asbout the message they are sending to boys as they correctly fight for the rights of women.

This is what the problem is.
Feminists are having to fight.

This is because for some reason men are resisting equality.

Why aren't you making men responsible for equality?

Why aren't you making men responsible for their own image and behaviour?

Do you think that black activists should worry about the message they are sending white people when they campaign for their rights?

Haven’t read everything but I’m a secondary teacher in a large school where a handful of students are transitioning - all, without exception, female to male. So I’m not sure boys are transitioning to escape toxic masculinity, but I do worry girls might be transitioning to join the gender who can be taken seriously as valuable human beings regardless of how they look. The pressure for teenage girls to be a certain weight, have perfect make-up, and perform a certain type of ‘femininity’ really scares me.

I haven’t asked any of the trans students about their reasons so I am only speculating, but it does linger uncomfortably in the back of my mind.

As far as I’m concerned, the job of feminism is to dismantle the patriarchy so nobody gets trapped in a restrictive, narrow, damaging role because of the genitals they were born with. Girls who want to reject make-up/excel in physics/wear ‘boys’ clothes/be assertive leaders should be able to do so without feeling that’s incompatible with being female. Boys who want to wear make-up/do ballet/play with ‘girls’ toys/be gentle vulnerable people should be able to do so without feeling that’s incompatible with being male.

I am a feminist. I am raising two boys (and I now never will have a daughter) so I think about how my boys will grow up a lot.

As a feminist, I speak up for girls and women, support equal opportunities, call out sexist behaviour etc.

As a mother, I tell my boys they can be anything they want to be, give them a home where they know they're secure and loved, and WITH THEIR FATHER demonstrate what an equal partnership looks like.

I don't know if that's the right balance but that's how it seems to me. Act globally as a feminist, think locally as a parent, same principles for each. And the latter wouldn't work without DH so it really isn't just on me.

OP in the media the dominant message is violence against women by men.

You are absolutely correct in thinking that media needs to start writing stories which don’t involve violence against women.

Then naturally, men won’t be portrayed as aggressive.

However, men have a lot more decent role models than women.

You need to remember that feminism is a movement to counteract patriarchy. It is never going be about trying to support men too (although most want both, I don’t believe feminism is about that). In a post feminist society perhaps we will have a movement which changes societies portrayal of men, but first we need feminism to push it to the extreme and force the change. (In my opinion)

It's not a slanging match. You're just being challenged and you don't much care for it cos your argument is built on sand and you can't defend it. It's so lame, when you can't back up your points with logic/facts/reason/sound judgement, to start crying that you're being picked on. Up your argument OP.

It really doesn't help that you're trying to make it an issue of image and making feminists responsible for it.

OP-why aren't you engaging in the discussion? And can you say which posts you consider to be part of a "slanging match"?

How did you want it to go?

In my experience, feminism is all about breaking down harmful gender stereotypes, for everybody.

I'm not sure where you got the impression it wasn't about that.

Male violence is a fact of life for us in the UK today, as it has been. We can't stop talking about that, because it is important that it is still highlighted as long as it carries on.

I don't know what schools in the UK are like today, but if you disagree with anything that is going on in your local schools, get involved. Become a governor, effect change.

Ok, so why then do you think it's the job of women to fight for the rights of men?

"It does not help f you make bhoys ashamed and inhibited instead of learning to express their qualities in a full and healthy way."
I agree. In what ways are boys being made to feel ashamed and inhibited?

Not quite going your way?

You'll notice that your thread started with the same old points that threatened men have used for ages.
You'd think it's the first time we saw these complaints.

Traditional male qualities such as ambition, competition, and standing up for yourself are shameful, to be suppressed.

Nope, just accepted that these qualities don’t just belong to males.

I don't see any slanging going on. Just people disagreeing with you.

"Perhaps being born a male IS something to be ashamed of. I haven't seen any message from feminism to the contrary."
You keep saying things like this. But you can't come up with any examples. Which is making discussion a bit tricky.