I have a son and a daughter.
My son has never, ever been told he couldn’t do something because he was male. Never.
My daughter on the other hand had heard the message that as a female she couldn’t x, y or z by the time she was three. (Not from us I hasten to add).
By the time she was 4yo it happened so often that I taught her to say “Unless the game/job/activity activity requires a penis of course I can join in”.
No one had ever told my son that his clothes might be inappropriate. Or send a sexual message.
My daughter has heard that message from school.
No one has ever told my son that his natural face, natural hair and natural body aren’t enough to be attractive to the opposite sex.
Meanwhile my daughter is bombarded with the idea that women must dye/style/straighten/curl their hair, paint their faces and nails, pierce their ears, remove their body hair, pad/stuff their bras and recently wear a fucking corset.
My children have never been told that cooking and cleaning and childcare was all their full time working Dad’s responsibility.
They were told by among others the school very early on that cooking, housework, laundry and childcare were “Mum’s job” despite the fact that she also works full time.
My DD challenged a Mother’s Day exercise where they were asked to name their Mother’s favourite chore. She politely asked the teacher if the Father’s Day Exercise would ask the same question.
My son is male, white, middle class, heterosexual, Protestant, educated, intelligent, athletic and good looking.
He can truthfully be anything he wants.
He is more privileged that 99% of the people on this planet.
The future does in fact belong to him.
I can’t honestly say the same to his sister.
I can’t even tell her she’ll be safe walking home in the evening.
I can’t tell her she’ll never be harassed, groped, assaulted or attacked.
I can’t tell her that how she dresses doesn’t matter.
I can’t tell her that she won’t be dismissed, talked over, not promoted and slandered when she starts work.
I can’t even tell her she’ll earn the same money as her brother if they do the same job.
I can remind her she’s amazing just the way she is, I can warn her about the patriarchy and teach her how to negotiate it, I can teach her how to stand up for herself, I can teach her how to keep herself safe.
Things I don’t have to teach her brother and will never have to teach him.
And yes, he knows about #metoo, and he knows that violent offenders are overwhelmingly male and he knows that men wield the power in society.
What we are teaching him is that when it’s his turn to weird the power it does it better.
We are teaching him that when it’s his turn he needs to let women into the club.
We are teaching him that he stands up for women when he hears sexist or sexually objectifying language.
We are teaching him to be a defender not a bully.
His Dad and one of his Grandfathers are excellent role models for wonderful versions of what it is to be a man.
It makes me so angry to hear the message “poor men” because we are fighting to address centuries worth of inbalance and injustice against women.
We aren’t anywhere close to equality and the “poor men” message is just another way of trying to put us back in our boxes.
My feminism has been stronger than ever since I had my children because I see my brilliant talented son’s future path lying shining before him and I see my brilliant talented daughter’s future path covered with even more obstacles than I had to contend with.
So don’t whine to me “what about the poor boys”
The poor boys are fine just as they’ve always been.