How men ask for sex

This is an interesting thread and it's made me realise that my DP who I love dearly has never actually "asked" for sex, ever. I can just tell in the way he kisses me. If I feel "it" too then we're on, if I don't it's not.

That's been the story of our lives through 50 years of marriage. It's always worked for us.

We both ask as "nippy nippy" with the inflection to indicate a question As seen in the TV program Friday Night Dinner

This has been useful reading for me. My ex NEVER initiated sex. I have NO CLUE where or how to start again. I'm encouraged by the interpersonal approach that comes from understanding eachother...that it CAN work!

Sorry for the shouting. I find the lack of sex difficult to come to terms with

Oh god jack russelling- my DP has occasionally done this! Luckily I love him very much and it really doesn't take much to get me in the mood!
No words needed here either.

I am sad to say that DP has been prone to some jack russelling, I'm glad to read other men have done it to because I've always thought it was just some weird quick of his.

It has never lead to sex though, I didn't realise it was supposed to. Just thought he was being annoying

Going to post my poem again for anyone who didn't see it the first time. Was on a relationship thread, but works here too 😁

The Penis Poem

I know it means a lot to you
I agree it’s rather fun
But until you master control of it
Then I’m afraid we’re done

It is very off-putting
When it’s on permanent display
If you wave it in front of me
Then I’ll just wave it away

The simple word “No” means “No”
And not “Please try again”
If that is hard to understand
I have a dictionary to lend

I really don’t want to meet it
When you have a girlfriend, partner or wife
Seems it already has a home
It has no place in my life

Please don’t let it phone me
When your girl has dumped your balls
It’s 1am. I’m asleep
This is NOT the time to call

Look, I know this is hard for you
Please let that pun slip by
I don’t want it too confident
Nor do I want it shy

What you really need to do
Is to show a bit of respect
Talk to me, be interested in me
That is the least that I expect

I’m not saying no,
So please don’t take it that way
I’m just saying get to know me first
And then we might just play

That's a tip for the men. Dress up as food and he's on a promise

Strangely*!

^Strangly enough, first time I jackrusselled DH he was dressed as a sandwich .

My friend once jackrusselled a man, in a nightclub. He was dressed as a banana.

She bent him over and proper humped him from behind, holding his head down.

Jack Russelling is for example when you’re bent over the washing machine loading it up and the man walks up behind you grabs your hips and starts thrusting your bottom in the hope of seduction. In the manner of a jack russell jumping your leg

I actually do that to my DH

lots of men do a sort of doggy pelvis jiggling thing which the people on the thread christened 'jack russelling'. It turned out that 1. this is very common and 2. no woman has ever found it attractive.

Any attempt to grope or even kiss me whilst I'm clearly busy trying to get something else done, really pisses me off and pretty much guarantees I won't be in the mood later either
Oh god yes . It's always while your washing up or makimg pack lunches or something drives me fucking crazy. And apologies for tmi but there's certain times if the month where this " romantic gesture" bloody hurts.

Hate it with a fucking passion

Jack Russelling men probably moan down the pub "My wife doesn't understand me"

Jack Russelling

(not envy!)

Any attempt to grope or even kiss me whilst I'm clearly busy trying to get something else done, really pisses me off and pretty much guarantees I won't be in the mood later either .

Jack Russelling is for example when you’re bent over the washing machine loading it up and the man walks up behind you grabs your hips and starts thrusting your bottom in the hope of seduction. In the manner of a jack russell jumping your leg.

Sounds... romantic

This is an interesting thread and it's made me realise that my DP who I love dearly has never actually "asked" for sex, ever. I can just tell in the way he kisses me. If I feel "it" too then we're on, if I don't it's not.

I think a few times after a lot of good kissing I've said "make love to me" but only after it's pretty obvious that's where it's going. So I've never "asked" either. It's all in the body language.

This, what, doggy humping thing haa no not come across that with him or previous exes.

I remember my ex ended up kind of really putting me off him because he liked a BJ in the morning and to begin with I was OK about that but he'd ask for it by basically not getting out of bed and just looking up at me with puppy eyes or reaching out to pull me back into bed regardless if I only had 15 to get ready and out the door.... He just wouldn't get out of bed. It was really annoying.

Ok, I'm not going to ask this on AIBU as I know I'll get told, 'want it up the arse bitch?' is an empowering question

It's been a long day and this has made my evening!

In actual response to your question, we don't really say anything. One of us tries our luck and see what happens. Sort of spooning leading to forking.

I’m not sure either of us ever asks for sex. We just try our luck with a kiss and see where it leads.

I agree that there are some pretty repulsive ways to ask and none of them would work on me.

This thread reminds me of being a child and my parents saying "We are going for a lay down, just for half hour. Would you mind watching the little ones?"

Never really given this much thought. DH is an amazing man, very aware of feminist issues.

Sex tends to either come spontaneously from other intimate contact, or if we're in bed and not currently one of us will rub the bottom of the other. If the partner takes your hand and pulls you into a cuddle it's a no, otherwise it goes from there.

So we don't ask but we're very good at reading cues but part of that is probably down to how long we've been together.

I think context is everything really, in two ways.
Firstly what gets you off is personal and in a long term relationship they ought to have a pretty good idea what you like and what you don't, whether that be kinky dominant stuff or 'fancy a shag?' or 'you look beautiful, can we make love?'. If they're habitually doing or saying something you have made it quite clear you don't like, that's a problem, even if the words themselves are innocent enough.
And secondly is it an appropriate moment? If they know you have a raging headache or haven't slept for a week or you have just had that big row about housework, just about any approach can make you feel objectified and shitty because if they were aware of you as a human being they really should have noticed you weren't going to be up for it.
I honestly think this is far more important than what is inherently said. Sure, some lines are pornified and might reveal all sorts of deeply dubious connections to sexual violence if you analyse them, but in a non-abusive context where both partners are into it, even that can be part of fun sex rather than a misogynistic attempt to degrade.

Rare to put it into words. Extended eye contact and a snog sealed the deal about 99 X out of 100. 'Fancy an early night' or 'how tired are you' for a more subtle approach...

If it’s before bed time we’ll say “shall we get it out of the way so we don’t have to bother later?” and if we’re waiting until bedtime DP will usually say “someone’s in trouble tonight” or he’ll tell me I’ve got “that look in my eye” or that he can tell that I want it because I’m breathing or awake, or I’ve got boobs or something.

I’m a staunch feminist but something about sex makes me go completely the other way and I find his playful domineering a bit sexy. If he says “I’m going to take you upstairs and do xyz/unspeakable things to you” I go all weak at the knees. If he tried being all respectful about it I don’t know how I’d feel?! I guess if it went along the lines of “I’ve missed having your hands on me” I’d be ok, but if he ever said he wanted to make sweet love to me without a hint of irony I’d have to LTB.