How men ask for sex

Sex?, blimey I've forgotten now;(.

With DH it’s an eye contact/how we kiss thing. Sometimes he asks me to dance round the kitchen (not verbally, he holds out his hands then, we dance, then we kiss).

The two ex’s I had the best chemistry with, one used to pick me up and kiss me (he was very tall). The other used to kiss the back of my neck. Don’t think I ever declined any requests like that, not sure if they both had good timing or if the manner of approach was successful in itself.

This is actually a massive deal in my relationship, and probably the main reason why our sex life is practically zero.

Oh just doesn’t get that “fancy a shag”, groping my boobs in the kitchen, or doing the jack russell thing makes my ovaries shrivel up and my legs clench shut. Neither does asking for a hug, when every fucking time a “hug” is his way of trying to get close enough to grab my bum or boobs in an attempt to initiate sex.

Part of the problem is I actually have no idea what would work. Oh has a tongue tie so kissing isn't wonderful which is always how stuff got started with previous bf. He does try so hard but we’ve found nothing and he just resorts to the familiar.

So reading this thread with interest.

The “how tired are you? Aappeoach combined with “are the kids asleep yet/still asleep?” variants are deployed here if asking is needed, but often its not.

Both your husbands always sound so lovely Somerville (I remember following the thread where you fell for number two). Always cheers me up to know there are some lovely men out there.

Read some of these to DH last night and he said he wanted to apologise on behalf of all the Jack Russelling men, that hearing this kind of thing makes him embarrassed to be a man and what women have to put up. Some of the other posts made us hoot.

Jack Russelling... - not envy

I think in long relationships a shorthand is aften found, as you say, OP. My first (late) husband had all sorts of strange ideas when we first moved in together; things like it was rude to ask unless I'd indicated interest by putting a sexy nighty on - given that I didn't even own a sexy nighty that was rather inexplicable. I blame boarding school TBH. Pretty soon though nothing ever needed to be said explicitly, we'd just exchange that look. But at times our sex life was tricky (small children, when he was having cancer treatment etc..) it was important to be able to talk about it and laugh about it and be really honest, and we could.

Now in my second marriage, sex is initiated by flirting, or occasionally 'quick, the teenagers are out, the baby is asleep, I'll race you to bed!' DH likes to whisper sweet nothings the whole way through which is very different from my first marriage but I discovered I rather like, though I would hate it if he said cringey thngs. Basically, if it has ever been said in a porn film then I don't want it said in our bedroom, I think. But he feels the same - he's all for the romance, ather than talking about the sex itself. I do sometimes find the talking distracting and tell him to shhh and concentrate on what he's doing.

The only time either of us had said something that left the other affronted was caused by me when we were about to DTD for first time. I was incredibly nervous and asked if we could just shag and get it over with. He stood up and said that didn't sound like enthusiasm so, actually, no. We should take the expectation off ourselves and just enjoy our weekend away sans sex. I think his honesty in that moment was very important to our relationship, actually, and learning with each other that if the other one says something that feels a bit off, for whatever reason, it's good to stop and deal with it immediately.

weloveheyduggie, he's got some cheek, you're dealing with small children on your own and he rocks up expecting to be serviced?i hope you can successfully ingore his mantrum.

One of my friends owns an actual Jack Russell who seemingly finds me very attractive.

I’m a habitual floor-sitter but at their house I sit on the sofa.

There was a mind boggling thread once entitled something like 'how does your dp initiate sex?' which uncovered the astonishing fact that lots of men do a sort of doggy pelvis jiggling thing which the people on the thread christened 'jack russelling'. It turned out that 1. this is very common and 2. no woman has ever found it attractive.

??! I don't think there's any man in the world so attractive that I wouldn't find that actively offputting. Are you supposed to pat them on the head and offer them a doggy biscuit afterwards? I'd be tempted to point towards the dog's kennel and say "stay".

More than one man in my lifetime, not more than one man at a time

When I fist told him that I thought, him talking to me during the act might enhance things for me, I could tell he was a bit confused as to what I wanted.

I've done this too with more than one man and had similarly bizarre responses

The match commentary is brilliant

The match commentary is brilliant!

Me and my ex used to have a long standing joke about running through the 1966 world cup team in your mind to try to slow things down (part of the joke being that I usually got there faster than him anyway, and also I'm a Scot).

Hdh that's brilliant we have the problem at the moment that DH works away mon-fri so it's just expected in the Friday or at least once over the weekend. Now the expectation is starting to put me off. Last night I was knackered and coming on so I told him outright it wasn't happening and now he's grumpy. He says he has to ask me for sex cos if he left it up to me it would probably never happened, which is sadly probably true. We've got young DC though hope things improve as they get older!

Is not us. Because that’s obviously the part of the sentence that makes me sound like a prick so best to get that right; , not ‘totes hilair’

Jack Russelling us totes hilair

Match commentary. Brilliant.
Best of all....he was trying. 10/10 for effort.

So, he girded his loins, mid frolic, and launched into the details of a football match he's just watched, basically giving me a match commentary.

I am laughing so hard my dogs came over to see what was happening.

In most cases it isn’t verbal, it’s physical - you start kissing and it goes from there. I enjoy dirty talk though, e.g if a boyfriend looked at me and said ‘I really want to fuck you’ or something that would turn me on, while some might find that disrespectful. A guy did once say ‘I want to make love to you’ and I nearly cringed myself inside out. I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer for this

How men ask for sex? Clumsily, in my experience....

I think this very much depends on the relationship.
DH and I have no problem asking each other for a shag. There's never any stress if the answer is no.
Sometimes it happens spontaneously but other times we ask, sometimes we demonstrate our feeling to each other. We've been together long enough and know each other's signals so there has never been a time when either has been upset or offended by the other.