Hi everyone, this is my first post so apologies if anything is unclear. I'm coming here as I would really like some advice/material/general thoughts on something that happened a few weeks ago.
A little info about me: I'm 23 and have been in a v happy relationship with my boyfriend for a year now.
While on holiday a few weeks back I was showing my boyfriend pictures from a previous holiday I went on (when we were not together). One picture was just before a friend and I were going on a night out and I was wearing short denim shorts. Immediately he reacted to the picture saying that I looked 'slutty'. I was really taken back by the comment, mainly because throughout our relationship he hasn't once made a misogynist comment or ever spoken about me in a derogatory way. I went on the defense straight away saying that I didn't agree at all with what he had just said. He came back with, well from a guys point of view, compared to girls who aren't wearing shorts that reveal half of their arse, I looked like a slut. I was really hurt, and surprised and the conversation stopped there. I'm not very good at dealing with conflict but knew I wasn't happy with how this had gone so later on, in a more appropriate setting (this initial interchange happened on a tour bus in Iceland) I brought it up again.
I said that I was really hurt that he had called me a slut. He said that he hadn't called me a slut, rather said I looked like one and that was different. He went on to reiterate his view point again about how on a night out, men would see a girl wearing less clothes as easy/more slutty, compared to a girl wearing say jeans.
My main argument point was that I don't care what men think of how I dress. I was wearing those shorts for myself because I thought I looked good. I said that he was feeding a rape culture that women are owned by men, and that everything we do is for the attention of a man. I said that it is incorrect to infer the history of someones sexual past by what they are wearing (i.e. inferring that I've slept with lots of men just because I am wearing short shorts). And lastly said I was in a hot country and therefore wearing shorts were appropriate (not that it should matter what country I am in).
He said he understood and did believe that I wasn't wearing the shorts for other men, but said regardless I was going to attract male attention, and because I moan about 'creepy men' on nights out, questioned why would I wear this type of clothing.
I can't really recall how the conversation ended - I think it was him basically not understanding my points and me feeling hurt and disagreeing with his. I felt annoyed and ignored him for a good hour (lol) but realised we were on holiday so we agreed to postpone this discussion until we returned.
I should note that I'm often not good at verbalising myself in emotive situations and do struggle to say what I want to say unless I have thought about it prior - which is why I'd really appreciate any of your thoughts, so that when I can bring this up I have discussion points I can provide him.
My boyfriend is very open to discussion and wanted to get my point of view and understand why I was so hurt by this comment, he was not aggressive in any way, and I do feel if I can get him to see why his comment/line of thinking is not ok, he would learn from it.
Thanks in advance!!!