Ok, so what's all this about @xx posters being "rude"?

Well far be it from me to force you to miss out on every little thing that happens

I didn't say that I'm not "bothered about missing out on every little thing that happens."

I said if anyone asks you a question or mentions you you're not always likely to see it and can miss it otherwise.
This way you see easier. Well, for me anyway. Obviously not everyone feels that way, so they can turn it off if they want.

I got really confused when I received one that appeared to be random but it turned out the poster had @tted just the beginning of another poster's name, which was an old name of mine. That was very annoying!

Well far be it from me to force you to miss out on every little thing that happens. Good grief the internet used to be interesting once, not just a bunch of curtain twitchers.

Sorry forgot to add obviously it's rude to keep on doing it to anyone who has said they don't like it.

They are not perfectly normal things for everyone. The forum worked perfectly well without it for years, and would continue to work perfectly well without it now

Some people don't mind it though, or find it useful. Surely as someone upthread said if you don't like it you can go into your settings and turn it off?
That way people who want it get to keep it, and those who don't want it won't be notified and can carry on as they were.

This is an anonymous chat forum on a screen, why do you feel the need to email people
I don't live on MN although that's debatable in itself but when I'm not on it it's handy to know if you've been mentioned as you might miss it otherwise.

They are not perfectly normal things for everyone. The forum worked perfectly well without it for years, and would continue to work perfectly well without it now. It sounds like every excuse men have ever given for harassing and invading the privacy of women tbh. 'Cliquey' rules about doing things that are not 'perfectly normal' for all, in fact invoke all sorts of issues regarding modern technology and the pervasiveness of 24/7 availability, are also not helpful.

Its only useful if the poster has left the thread

When the poster is engaged on the thread i can see how it can be irritating

And some people have used it as harassment

Having said that feel free to @ me cos ive turned it off

Plus i rarely read my emails as i set up a specific email address following that emma business

"How about just don't use it?"

Because if you don't like it you can turn it off. Some people like it. Those who don't like it should turn it off. Cliquey 'rules' about not doing perfectly normal things are not helpful.

Where it seems unacceptable is when the tone has moved away from neutral. In the context of a more heated discussion, it feels like being all up in someone’s face to @ them.

YY.

just turn it off if you don't like it.

How about just don't use it? Why are you using it? This is an anonymous chat forum on a screen, why do you feel the need to email people through it?

It becomes a deal if posters are being told off for using it. If members don't like receiving email they can turn it off and/or use an email account which doesn't synchronise email.

It's unreasonable to expect posters to remember who has specified it should not be used or that every single post on a thread is read and digested.

It's just a bit of forum etiquette. NBD.

just turn it off if you don't like it.

@ me.

I find the notifications quite useful. If I'm active on the thread anyway and don't need it, it's no trouble to delete the email. I would always assume that anyone who didn't want them would disable them.

It’s the email harassment I think

It isn't harassment. It is using a function which members asked for and was provided. You can turn it off in settings.

One poster recently explained she found it very useful if she had been away from a thread to be alerted to replies to her. The polite option would be to use it and those who don't like it can disable it.

Tbh I'm surprised, given MNHQ's idea of keeping data secure is to stick it in a shoe box under the bed and hope for the best, that anyone uses their "real" email address on here.

My MN email is a gmail account specially set up for it with an address bearing no resemblance to my real name. I think I turned the @function off but if I haven't the emails are going to an account which currently isn't set up on any device up to receive mail.

Bold doesn't bother me, because that's how it has always been done that way here, and it doesn't have that @ in front of it. The @ bothers me, for the reasons I outlined above.

@mylightbulbmoment

vs mylightbulbmoment

I see an @ in front of one and not the other.

When I've witnessed people becoming annoyed about being @tted it's always been because they're already very active on the thread and may have posted within a few minutes of the email demand.

It's only appropriate if someone's left the thread or appears to have and the poster feels they'd want to know about their reply to a previous point or question.

Been here a year.
I've turned off notifications.

I didn't even know @ sent an email.
Only recently realised bold did the same, I thought it just distinguished a quoted comment from my own comment.

Obvs didn't read the rule book.

thinking about it, it feels, when someone @'s me, like there's an "order" to respond being the @ because at as a word is hard and quite terse and curt. It feels like they are demanding a reply. And that makes me anxious and sets my anxiety sky high

Does bolding have the same effect?

And I KNOW you can change your email settings but...you know...CBA.

And posters CBA to remember who, out of thousands, doesn't want to receive emails 🤷🏼‍♀️

thinking about it, it feels, when someone @'s me, like there's an "order" to respond being the @ because at as a word is hard and quite terse and curt. It feels like they are demanding a reply. And that makes me anxious and sets my anxiety sky high, which is why I don't like it ,as I have a history of having been abused emotionally. Never really thought it through before.

aNyway, I have my notifications for it turned off and I do try not to let it annyoy me if people do it to me @ me

I just reasoned that if I turned it off, I didn't need to worry about whether anyone was @ ing me.

Tallulah, may I just say how much I love your username? It’s impossibly poetic. (Yes, I am aware of its provenance )

I have the email notifications turned off and I've done it when someone has done it to me, but I prefer the old fashioned MN way of just bolding someone's name.

but then, I'm old and I don't get # and @ in general.

It feels aggressive to me. (I am aware this is my issue, and it's just a tech thing, but to me it feels finger jabby or something)