How do you deal with PMT as a feminist?

Well, I’m pretty forthright all the time, but PMT affects me in a different way.
Sometimes I’m not too bad, but other months I struggle a bit and need to remind myself that it’s my hormones. I get very angry and it is irrational anger. I don’t feel fully in control of my emotions. Sometimes I feel like I’m going just a tiny bit crazy.
My DH is rational all the fucking time. He is very aware of my monthly cycle.
How do I deal with it as a feminist? I don’t, I suppose!
My mum had one of her nervous breakdowns triggered by the menopause. I am nervous about what’s coming for me.

I think men should be fucking grateful that we are only forthright during "the time of the month". Otherwise they might hear the fucking truth everyday. How do you think they'd cope?

There are 20 men in prison for every woman, which rather suggests that if women are unstable and grumpy a few days a month, men are like that all the fucking time.

I used that argument against a man in a pub who was railing against PMT. Got a round of applause from everyone within hearing distance, including his mates.

My husband used to do this, tell me I over react, and too emotional etc. Until he developed diabetes, and low blood sugar causes him to be an incredibly moody bastard. So I pointed it out, he used the line 'I can't help it'...reader, you know what happened next

Yes, that's a very interesting point. I felt very conditioned for a time to 'Be aware that at a certain time of the month, I will need to work harder to maintain pleasant relationships with those around me' and I wore it as a bit of a badge of honour that I did reasonably well at squashing sharp comments etc.

But DP suffers under no such pretensions to the moral necessity of extra self control for certain things.

There was a series called Sliders, about travellers to an alternative universe.

They went to a universe where the male/female hierarchy was directly inverted (it was otherwise similar to our own) and I remember a line from one of the male natives: "Men flying an airliner? Women only have one cycle a month, men have one multiple times a day! How could they fly a plane?"

Found it insightful.

Brilliant thread. Love this.

When we are talking about equality we should not pretend that there is a neutral position because the “neutral” is always male. It can be no clearer then when we talk about healthcare and issues to do with the body. We should not be contrasting women’s bodies against a mythical neutral. Men and women have different bodies and as a result we have different responses that all fall in the realm of “normal”.

I'm fed up of womens hormones being treated as a medical problem. I get horrible pmt, I hate it and it sucks to be me. What would help actually would be if DP thought to himself "oh she has PMT, I will consider that in how she behaves" and gave me extra cuddles/looked after me/didn't respond irritably to my mood.
But many men are way too used to having their feelings and moods attended to at all times so it wouldn't even cross their minds to moderate their own behaviour to help their partner. It is annoying, especially when we are expected to be considerate because their tired/stressed/hungry.

Absolutely ^^ I really do think that the men who mention this or mock are the ones who are emotionally illiterate and dysregulated, as well as it being a cheap, obvious shot. They can't handle their own feelings or anyone else's so they try to suppress/oppress them. Toxic.

I agree with the above, it seems like you're taking on responsibility for his bad behaviour even in how you phrased the question 'how do you deal with PMT as a feminist?' when what it seems you're really asking is 'how do I deal with my partner as a feminist?' His crap attitude is not your responsibility, it makes me mad to hear what you're dealing with having been with unsupportive partners myself. Good luck however you decide to manage it.

Well I wouldn’t live with a man who mocked my feelings for starters. Dh has never, ever made any ‘time of the month’ comments.

I remain responsible for my words and actions and he remains sympathetic to days when I may be tired, down, or grumpy (as indeed both parties in a relationship are from time to time.) it’s ok to be grumpy sometimes. A ‘sorry love, I’m absolute shattered/pissed off about/feel reallybdown today’ should elicit a cup of tea and a hug, not mockery.

You have a DP problem.

If it’s something you’re really struggling with then physical causes should be looked at- a decent physical MOT for example. Some SSRIs have a good track record for PMS but of course not for everyone.

He's a condom refuser too? Oh dear....He sounds like he's not worth it tbh.
When I look back at people who I might have been a bit sharp with when having PMT, they were all being arseholes and were long overdue a dressing down but female socialisation had made me be incredibly polite with up until then, so I don't think it leads to irrationality at all, just less patience with idiots when in gnawing pain and trying to go about your normal business. Other than that I get weepy at something really embarrassing on TV like a donkey sanctuary appeal, but I'm still quite logical about it, I know why I'm crying and just let myself do it, there's no drama. We shouldn't need to censor ourselves.

My pmdd exists and you’d be a terrible feminist if you suggested it doesn’t.

Recognising and respecting the different needs of men and woman is part of coping with it. I need more help and can’t manage as much during that ten days. So he helps much more.

I also find that PMT is more of a truth syndrome. I feel more of my own feelings, and concerns and have less tolerance for people's bullshit or selfishness, and if you rile me by being a dick you are likely to get the full truth with my honest feelings rather than the well practised measured response.

Totally agree that men who recognise women are humans with their own feelings all the time won't get so much of a shock. Of course some men will frame it as being irrational, but they are just being gaslighty fuckers who want the convenience of a constantly professionally docile, diplomatic woman.. the perfect mummy/wife servant persona.

I manage it by looking after myself (and having learned not to feel forced to maintain a perfect persona the rest of the time) and trying to make sure that I attend to any built up frustrations and feelings - so bit of gendercritters hippy friend's approach (but am so not a hippy!) I also listen to food cravings and eat well, extra iron and sometimes carbs and take it easy on myself etc. If I make the right allowances and listen to myself it almost goes well and without any surging feelings at all. Maybe there is something in that from a biological and unconscious sense.. needing to attend to oneself to help our bodies prepare for possible pregnancy and child raising etc, not always being put last. It is entirely feminist to also look after my own needs isn't it?!!

DH has been a fucker at times, but I look after myself better now so it is less of an issue but I appreciate that for my own sake, not his.

meant distracted , although directed sort of woeks

Men suffer for hormonal driven acts of risk and violence. They are more likely to suffer problems caused by stress hormones they can have sex hormones flooding their system multiple times a day which can affect how the talk to women.

Perhaps you could point these hormonal flushes back at him? Speeding in car ? Hormones dear. Aggression at the football on telly? Hormones dear? Directed during a conversation...homeones dear?

( not trying to belittle the problems some women face with bad PMT, more just saying that nobody would say hormonal to a clearly hormonal man. Because hormones are totally normal)

Oh, and my partner has his faults, but isn't a total jerk, so grumpiness isn't really an issue. In fact, I'd say he's more affected by my cycle than I am - I always know when I'm ovulating because he becomes extra attentive/attracted to me - virtually humping my leg in excitement!

Men aren't these solid pillars of reason, unaffected by hormones, unlike the mercurial women - I mean I thought we'd moved on a bit from that kind of idea of the difference between men and women.

I'm not sure I'd want a weepy, emotional woman flying a plane I'm in either

And yet quick to anger men would be fine? Of course not.

I don't get PMT of the weepy kind. But during my period I'm uncomfortable, sometimes in pain, and I have one more thing that I have to monitor and schedule (changing cup/pad/whatever) - so I have less mental space for other people's bullshit. Men might interpret this as being emotionally unstable I suppose, but given that the answer to that is to not accept their bullshit at any point in time, I feel like it would be harder on them than me if I solved this dilemma rather than them taking a moment to bloody think about it and not act like jerks.

All very good points. It's not quite what I was trying to say though. I just find this stuff so interesting - I love talking about it from all different viewpoints.

Women are safer car drivers than men and have fewer accidents (less emotional and aggressive, you see). So of course they shouldn’t be allowed to drive planes.

Women are dangerous. ROAR

Men are responsible for, what, 95% of violent crime and 98% of sex crimes, yet it’s women who are too emotional and unstable to be allowed responsible jobs?

But testosterone-fuelled men fighting on the front line or flying planes is just dandy?