Pregnant Dad-to-be

LangCleg anonymous sperm donation is not allowed in the UK. Laws passed a while ago mean the child must be able to contact the donor when they turn 18 if they wish. And quite right.

Not sure of the law in NZ but there is no mention in the article of Scout's sperm donor being anonymous.

The advice I've read is mostly to tell children the (simplified) facts as early as possible, whatever the scenario.

Precisely this. It results in the best outcomes for the child.

Narcissistic parents whining muh identitah are not thinking of the child.

The advice I've read is mostly to tell children the (simplified) facts as early as possible, whatever the scenario. There's a whole range of picturebooks aimed at age 3 plus covering differing situations:

www.dcnetwork.org/catalog/books-children

What caution would you advise Lang? Are you disagreeing with the concept of lesbians having children using sperm donation?

Projection.

I said that studies show about half of donor conceived adults feel that anonymous donation should not be allowed. Because, as with adoptees, these things can cause identity issues.

Nobody knows how the children of trans adults will come to adulthood and whether or not they will be susceptible to similar identity issues as some adoptees and donor conceived people.

But what we do know is that giving children accurate and full information reduces the chances.

Any parent - trans, adoptive, natural or otherwise - should put the needs and potential needs of the child before their own personal identities. Unsure why you'd have a problem with that.

Well that’s just it. Biology does matter. It matters for medics working out what’s is wrong with people and it matters to women because if they had Male biology they wouldn’t be treated like dirt.

Because one scenario involves the fact of one biological mother and one adoptive mother, and one involves the lie that a father gave birth and there is no mother.

Can't honestly understand why you can't see that could be a difficulty for the child to deal with or that there may be wider consequences for them going forward?

Caution should be advised and no parents should centre their personal identities above the needs of their child.

What caution would you advise Lang? Are you disagreeing with the concept of lesbians having children using sperm donation?

As far as our child is concerned she has two mothers. This isn't biologically true but does it matter?

As far as Scout's child is concerned, the father was the one who gave birth. This isn't biologically true but does it matter?

Struggling to see how one scenario is okay and one isn't. Both children were conceived using a sperm donor and will be told at an appropriate age.

I think these days adoptive parents are not encouraged to lie to their children and not tell them about their birth parents.

Indeed they are not. We are also now beginning to find that donor conceived adults often experience identity issues. Some studies show that about half of such adults object to anonymous donation. We have no idea how the children of trans parents are going to feel as adults. Caution should be advised and no parents should centre their personal identities above the needs of their child.

Jezebelz - please stop using the offensive term "cis". It is banned on this forum. In case you hadn't taken the time to read the guidelines that everyone else has to abide by - you know now. If you do it three times within a six week period, your posting privileges may be withdrawn. I suggest reading the rules. If we evil feminists have to stick by them, I don't see why you shouldn't have to. Thanks.

Jezebelz, did you tell your child that the mother who didn't give birth was actually the father of that child? I shouldn't think you did. And presumably at one point, once the child is old enough to understand reproduction and asks a question about the specifics of parenting, you'll explain the father was a donor, not that he didn't exist and is actually one of you?

The non-pregnant parent is not recorded as the father, they are recorded as the second parent, for same-sex female couples that are married. It's not a fiction, as the marriage gives you parental responsibility.

My child had two female parents listed on her birth certificate.

Are ppl saying this is not right? Are we using our child as a prop in a fantasy life?

Jezebelz, I'm always somewhat disturbed by people who think that love and truth are not natural bedfellows.

Truth and love are not mutually exclusive.
Ask any social worker if someone who couldn't deal with reality should be chosen as an adoptive parent. No one should use children as props in their fantasy life.

I think these days adoptive parents are not encouraged to lie to their children and not tell them about their birth parents.

There is no comparison to a deliberate fiction being written onto a child's birth certificate. An adoptive child has their original birth certificate and an adoption certificate that shows their adoptive parents. Not the same at all.

FloralBunting ask any adoptive parent, any non birth mother, what is more important, truth or love?

At the risk of channeling Pontius Pilate, 'What is truth?'

Not sure why people assume Scout won't tell the child the truth?

A simple 'I'm your Papa but I gave birth to you' would satisfy most kids.

My DD is 3 and knows she has no daddy, two mummies but only lived in one mummy's tummy.

'I hope it's human'?

Is the level of basic understanding of reproduction so poor that this would be only a 'hope'?

I mean, yeah, this person is attempting to be humourous, and I assume trying to go for the standard "I just want a healthy child" answer in a quirky way, but there is so much ridiculous nonsense floating around it's really not possible to take a statement like that at face value any more.

“Birth registration is a fundamental right, recognized by article 24, paragraph 2 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights and article 7 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child.”

“The demographic information provided by a comprehensive civil registration system, including birth registration, is crucial for government planning and decision-making, as well as for the monitoring of programmes for children, families and the broader community. Accurate information gives the State the ability to not only track, counter and prevent abuse against individuals but also to plan service provision for children and their caregivers and to evaluate the impact of policies; for example, ”

“Birth registration should be part of a wider civil registration system that includes the free and universal recording of the occurrence and characteristics of key events – births, deaths, adoptions, marriages and divorces – and other civil status events pertaining to the population. These records are the main source of vital statistics; the complete coverage, accuracy and timeliness of civil registration is therefore essential,”

Total .
Clearly could do with some counselling.

Kids like to know where they came from. Who their mother and father is and knock off the cis crap.

No, the welfare of the child is the most important thing.

The validation of the parents beliefs should never outweigh the rights of the child. And the child has a right to a birth certificate- according to the UN.

This child will not have a biologically correct birth certificate

Low lovely, fluffy, kind brave or stunning the parents are is irrelevant.

An okay, thanks for the clarification @McTufty

Personally I can't get too would up about the terminology a stranger in New Zealand uses about themselves and about the way they plan to feed their child. It certainly wouldn't male me feel ill.

The child is clearly wanted and it looks like Scout will be a loving parent which is surely the most important thing.