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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I was thinking of 'Man Fridaying' my local gay sauna but I wrote to them instead....

37 replies

barelove · 06/11/2018 21:37

I emailed my local sauna who advertised 'Men only naked nights' asking if they would allow a trans person who identified as a gay man but presented as female (ie. pre surgery) to attend. They simply answered by saying that I would be more comfortable going to a cross dressing event that runs on another night. I then asked them to clarify that as a gay male identifying, female presenting person I would not be allowed in to their men only night. Again they avoided answering the question directly by saying that the only event I'd be welcome at would be the cross dressing night. I wrote back saying that I actually only identify as a man on fridays (Man Fridays!) and how happy I was to hear that they only allow men who were born men into their male only spaces and that I applaud their common sense. Ha! They then got back to me with a very panicky and defensive response stating that their business has always been welcoming to the trans community both pre and post op and that they did not appreciate me trying to catch them out or wasting their time. Obviously, I was confused by this response and wrote back querying their about turn. Once again, they responded by saying that 'the men only events are for MEN ONLY. ie Male men' but that they have another night where anyone can attend including trans people. The overall tone was defensive and fearful ending with 'We most strongly object to anyone saying we are being excluding or prejudiced towards any part of the community'. Which I'd never actually said or even implied! To summarise, it seems that this sauna business was great at sticking to their sex specific, men only nights but were terrified of having this pointed out publicly. I wonder why?!

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 06/11/2018 22:37

Poor Sailors. I sort of feel sorry for them as they seem to have been caught between a rock and a hard place. They were only licensed for men, so when a person showed up who looked like a woman, at least when naked, they seem to have said they needed to check with the licensing authority - which they did. They would not want to lose their licence, so not really their call. The Council said it was ok so they let the trans man in.

AncientLights · 06/11/2018 22:36

I don't know Fermat, young men and older women is a thing, you know. Not much talked about but it's real. Wink

joystir59 · 06/11/2018 22:32

But transmen won't try and muscle in on men only spaces, because transmen do not experience male entitlement because they are women

FermatsTheorem · 06/11/2018 22:31

Serf the black Friday one will be because it's picked up on the keyword "Friday" because we mentioned Man Friday.

FermatsTheorem · 06/11/2018 22:30

Yes I've been getting these for days now, ever since the thread about the transman kicked out of "Sailors" sauna.

Much as I am entertained by the images of buff young men in budgie smugglers disporting themselves by the pool on a luxury cruise liner, I fear that fifty something little old me is not their target demographic. (Though thanks to the menopause I do quite a good line in manly designer stubble).

Serfisafleur · 06/11/2018 22:29

Candidpeel
I absolutely do not get those adverts on my mumsnet.
But how weird I got a "Black Friday" one!

I was thinking of 'Man Fridaying' my local gay sauna but I wrote to them instead....
Candidpeel · 06/11/2018 22:25

Trying again with the attachment

I was thinking of 'Man Fridaying' my local gay sauna but I wrote to them instead....
newtlover · 06/11/2018 22:25

that's really funny actually
I hope you have kept copies of everything
after reading datalounge I have been thinking some of these men could be our allies- but I don't know how we reach them- obviously the business owners are shit scared

Candidpeel · 06/11/2018 22:24

I'm loving the context specific ads getting served up on this thread Grin...

I was thinking of 'Man Fridaying' my local gay sauna but I wrote to them instead....
barelove · 06/11/2018 22:19

I was thinking the same thing! My motivation was to get the interest of gay men by demonstrating how the introduction of self id would impact on their men only spaces. I'm was thinking that, as men their outraged voices would be heard louder than ours.

OP posts:
AncientLights · 06/11/2018 22:17

Defensive and fearful is what we'll all be soon if this shit show carries on.

Serfisafleur · 06/11/2018 21:48

Interesting exchange.
It looks to me they've heard of Man Friday and are scared of getting in the papers.

Male only (especially gay male only) spaces do consistently uphold their customs more rigorously than goes for female only or lesbian same-sex environments, which routinely allow self identified women in or they get closed down.

Funny that.

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