'I'm not meant to be a bloke': Woman who changed gender to become man called Lee says sex swap was a huge mistake

Can I suggest that when someone is attempting to me-rail a thread the most effective way of preventing that from happening may be not engaging with the me-railing?

In the context of this thread, it would better to assert that clearly we need better health and social care for children who are abused and for women experiencing complex PTSD as a result of the trauma.

8 hope we can all agree that we need better health care options for transgender care something that is vastly underfunded and that flexible individual treatment plans that are not a one size fits all will help prevent people making choices that are not right for them

Do you ever consider how many of your sentences begin 'I' ?

As I said, this thread is about a woman who was abused by a child and failed as an adult. It is her story which this thread is about.

rowen I am sure people can read the article I remember seeing a program with Caroline cossey on at age 5-6 and thinking is that possible and thats me it took years for me to decide yes that is me and a lot of could I be wrong or wishing I was not that. again there is no right or wrong in that it's coming to a conclusion. I never want anyone to be trans if they are not there is too much pain and loss still to wish anyone goes through this without needing too, I can only imagine how that must have been for them and can relate to feeling so out of connection with your body that any measure feels like the right one. again we need people around us and support to make the best decisions for us and that all options are valid I think treatment plans are changing at the time they were all or nothing you were expected to conform to them

Lee tied the knot with Alan in December 1997. But his self-loathing became so extreme he almost cut off his breasts with kitchen scissors.

It was in 2002 that he first heard of transgender and gender reassignment surgery while watching an episode of the chat show Kilroy in his living room.

"The programme was introduced as a 'special' where transgender men and women were on," he said.

"At the time it was a state of mind no body really spoke about.

"I remember seeing them on the TV and thinking 'that's me!'

"I suppose they seemed confident in themselves and seemed accepted.

I would be happy to talk about the issues of complex ptsd and trauma reponces in young people as this is the area I work in. but I'd like to do that in a thread that is not trying to prove a point about transition as I feel the issues are far more widespread than just this. when young people question there gender then trauma should always be a question that is looked at and I beleive that the people who work in that area do that but complex truma can take years to unpack and the mental health services in this country are not equipped to cope with the work that is required

Telling her story now is about her finding peace.

Its also about her speaking up and being empowered thus.

She deserves respect for that.

To be heard.

rowantrees I read the article I am sad that it happened to them that they didn't have people around them that could help them explore the issues properly and that I hope they find peace.

She was sexually assaulted by her father when she was a child:

"After undergoing years of counselling, he says he has finally discovered he wasn't transgender. Instead, he says, he was a woman suffering with horrific complex PTSD after years of sexual abuse.

"Looking back now I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn't have a vagina, I couldn't be raped," he revealed.

lots of treatments are life changing any surgery is but we allow people to make those choices daily wirh little check eg breast enlargememt for which the regret rate is higher. but this is not about judgement or right and wrong but providing the correct information for people to make informed choices about there lives

Why not just read what she has said and consider it a little more?

let's make this about people's experiences shall we I full acknowledge hers and that this is not 100% everyone gets this right but what does that even mean. how would you know at the time that was not the right thing to do even if people point it out. I know people who have decided this was not for them in the end. not always because of society but because it was not right for them and that's ok our community spent too long not acknowledging that probably as a responce to people wanting us to be certain that we are who we say.

sorry for the spelling it's late and in not sleeping. under all this debate are just people who are trying to make the best of there lives. no one should ever claim that they change sex I spent years trying to get sex change to not be used in the media and I dislike the word transsexual for that reason this is not about being the same but about equivalence of experiences. I believe we have far more in common than we do diffence

Bespin have you read the thread?

Please do because context matters.

A woman has bravely spoken out altruistically.

She has been terribly abused and failed.

This is about her story.

The responses on the thread are empathic.

Let's not make this one about you please.

I can totally see that this was the wrong choice for them and they could have been helped better but no one diagnoses anyone with this there are no tests you can take all that people do is allow you to validate how you feel there is a misunderstanding that doctors can tell you your trans and that if they don't done how your not in the years that I saw them all they did was asked me if I was a woman in various ways and helped eventually facilitate treatment for me. this is on the whole a self diagnosed condition and that does mean we can be wrong. I 100% agree that our reasons should he explored and do worry about the effects of trauma on people. I had a successful transition but in done respects I'm lucky though I do have a nerve issue due to surgery. as I said this is not perfect but this was the best I could do. others I know were not so lucky but that does not mean that being trans is the lesser option. it is about finding peace within yourself something that no treatment can do in its own. we all do things to ourselves that we have to find a way to live with the good and the bad I am fully aware that one day I may not feel like this but I can not see it.

Actually Bespin, I think pretty much everyone on here will respect that view and sympathise and agree that gender dysphoria is analogous with conditions whereby people want a limb cut off for no rational reason.

What people on here don't accept is that such treatment turns you into the opposite sex.

Also people on here generally don't believe that children or adults should be set on a path that uses what should be the treatment of last resort as the first step before help with mental health and in the case of children, allowing them to grow up first.

I just wanted to respond to this thread in relation to people asking well how do you know, in years to come you might change your mind. we all get asked this and the honest answer is I don't know. I am doing something that the world is not designed for and that every one around me does not expect or really wants me to do, why would you do this unless you had too when everything is telling you not too. its hard to explain feeling this way probably like the people who think they have one arm to many it is my reality I did not get a choice in this and there is no other 'treatment' for this that works it does not go away even for the people who learn to live with it and don't transition or that do. the thing is we know we are not biologically the same no matter how much we wish it was, this 'treatment' is not perfect but it helps us live our lives the best we can. how can any of us know if this is right, its impossible too we just choose the things that help us function best in our lives and if one day that changes or it does not work then I will do what is needed to help me continue to live my life. transaction is not magic it's just a choice to help you live the best life you can, or any life at all.

I don't expect anyone in here to understand that or even respect that view. but none the less it is mine and it is valid. we can debate for a lifetime about why we exsist or what we should do but the fact is we do exsist and we would like to try and live the best lives we can in a society that helps us do that.

This is heartbreaking. I hope Lee can find peace (and a surgical outcome that is easier to live with).

So sorry to hear about everything that Lee has been put through and wishing her the very best for the future.

This has upset me so much, I'm glad she is speaking out

Looking back now I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn't have a vagina, I couldn't be raped
This is just tragic. She tried to cut off her own breasts - WHY are other reasons not investigated first, before they mutilate perfectly healthy bodies. There are going to be more and more of these cases.

As for Susie Green's tweet, if it's fine to be trans - be proud of it and call yourself a transwoman or transman.

And having your body permanently altered is definitely a negative outcome if the person isn't actually trans but is traumatised. It would make their suffering even worse.
Transitioning should be the last option, not the first one.

“if he did not have a vagina anymore he could not be raped.”

I used to volunteer on a support helpline and I heard that exact phrasing from more than one young woman/girl/transboy struggling with gender identity & comorbid mental health issues. Personally, I don’t think a history of sexual abuse would be terribly uncommon in young trans-identifying born-females, sadly.

Brava to Karen/Lee for speaking up and sharing her story, she deserves to be listened to. The system has let her down horrifically. And for what? Why? Who benefits?