The Sun 'is changing gender the new anorexia?'

Really thought provoking article. Absolutely excellent journalism.

Pumpkin thanks for joining us and providing us with extra insight. My mum has BPD (among other things) so my heart goes out to you. What a lot for to have gone through. Glad you are out the other side as it were.

Oh I dare say the misspelling was no mistake.

Excellent to see that extra link added (if mis-named!) - so good to find journalists with integrity who are listening.

They have added a link to Transgender Trend now (although the have called it Gender Trend the link goes to the right place!)

Really good article which brings the discussion into focus with a real person with real experiences. Pumpkin, you come across very well in the article and on here, as you have insight and understanding.

I worry a lot about girls thinking they are trans, as if it's an easy answer to feeling like a misfit.

I've come across trans people who look and act like misfits - society inc workplaces and schools can be difficult places for people who are like this. The answer is to embrace everyone's differences without judgment. It's the world that needs changing, not bodies.

Pumpkin your advice is very sound. There are lots of parents struggling with this (I am one of them). I feel with my kid, you are right - there is no "talking them out of it" - she needs to make her own good decisions and go through her own experiences to come to them, and we will support her no matter what the outcome is. What I worry about is that the climate we are in makes good decision making (for a young adult with ASD in particular) very hard.

Pumkin, thank you for taking the time to answer our questions and explaining how and why you felt the way you did.

I have absolutely no doubt I would have went down that route, even right through my early 20s. I was the flat chested, plain looking, tomboy that was bullied at school and felt that I was a failure as a girl. I was happier racing my brothers on motor bikes and climbing trees. Girls were second class citizens, in my family. There were so many things that happened that made being a girl, including being abused, then into a violent relationship, that If I was given the opportunity to become trans, I would have thrown myself into it. I would have seen it as being saved from the weight of womanhood.

I now love being a woman and realise that it wasn’t being a girl/woman that was wrong, it was the way I was made to feel because I was a girl, that was the problem.

Thank you Pumpkin, there's some incredibly good advice there. I shall point people at your post should it come up.
I've followed you on Twitter and wish you all the best for the future.

I’m pleased to see a good article on this - finally! Thanks for sharing.

@Pumpkin

The refusal to take pre-existing mental health conditions and trauma into account when evaluating desire to transition is one of the things that worries me most. A friend of mine decided to transition FTM directly after being raped and the rapist telling her that he did it to turn her straight. Did that put a halt on things while that immediate source of trauma was looked into? No, unfortunately it did not. And I suspect things have gotten a lot worse in the time since that happened.

One of the site’s pages reads: “You have a moral responsibility as a parent to ensure the safety and happiness of your child… If you allow them to go through their genetical puberty, you could very well end up with a dead child.”

If you buy medication over the internet without a prescription you could also end up with a dead child (or a dead whoever takes meds procured that way). I wouldn't buy meds for my cat that way, never mind for a person.

Among girls I'd say that yes, that's exactly what this is. Among boys no, different issues happening there.

Pumpkin - just wanted to add my voice to the other PPs and say thank you very much for coming here and expanding on the article. Your voice is important.

That is an excellent article, such a shame about the links at the bottom.

@MipMipMip
I think a lot about children who feel they're trans these days, because I'd like to have children at one point and I try to imagine being in that kind of situation and it's absolutely heartbreaking, even without having kids. I can't imagine the pain a parent must go through to witness their kid being so upset, and to know the risks and potential regret. I know what it is like to be on the other side though, so I know one thing for sure, that restricting/forbidding your kid from doing the things they want to do will not end up well.

I hated my name all my childhood and preferred being called nicknames, I dont thinkt here's anything wrong with that, as long as the name is not a dead giveaway (if a Susan wants to be called a John for example). I would try and encourage my child to do "gender neutral" things instead of things associated with the opposite gender, to take it slow and experiment "safely". Encourage them to not take anything at face value online, to be critical. Like it or not, if they think they're trans, they'll eventually end up on a trans forum or other online community and they'll see a lot of happy post-transition people who only brag about their good results. Seeing a lot of happy posts like that can give them a false view of what post-transition looks like, but nobody talks about the occasional Male to Female transgender who still looks like a dude in a dress after 10 years of hormones, or that the suicide rates pre- and post-op trans people remains almost the same.

Ignoring it completely will not make it go away and will potentially make it worse. I think the most important thing is to build trust with your child by showing them that you accept them and support them no matter what - don't pretend you're happy about it, do tell them that it's difficult for you, but show support and tell them that their happiness comes first. If they see that you are willing to "sacrifice" your own discomfort for their happiness, they will appreciate that (I know this sounds stupid, of course you want them to be happy, but as a kid who's been in that situation, it meant the world for me that my mother told me this and we grew much closer in our relationship afterwards).

Talk to them lots. Try to get them to talk about what makes them sad, angry, happy. Understanding what "triggers" their disphoric feelings can help you suggest them much less drastic solutions. I think talking to them yourself will get you much further than seeking third party help, unless it's a very good therapist, which you probably wont find on the NHS, and private ones are usually very pricey. Me being able to talk to my mum openly and very honestly about these stuff helped a lot. Hating your body so much that you want to become someone else (even if you dont consciously realise this) is a terrible feeling, remember that they feel this way and that they are very desperate for any solution that promises to ease this pain.

Tying back to the point I made earlier about restricting/forbidding stuff: my dad was like that and I soon started viewing him as an "enemy". "He just doesnt understand, he doesnt know what he's talking about". I lived with my mother, but I know if she was like that, I would have attempted getting on with transitioning even without her support. I've seen a ton of forum posts online on some trans sites where a youngster as young as 14 posts about how their parents dont support them and then a lot of trans people chime in, saying they should absolutely buy hormones behind their parent's backs. No matter what you do, your child will eventually be an adult and they'll do it without your support. You will only alienate them if you go down this route, unfortunately.

Unfortunately I dont have much in terms of resources for parents to read, I know two websites that deal with this kind of thing, one of them just asked me for an interview and they both have some good resources probably:
4thwavenow.com
www.transgendertrend.com

Hope that helps!

@WokerThanWoke I never really was that much involved with trans groups, save for a forum where I posted some questions every now and then. For me, it was not enough that we were all trans there, I needed more to form friendships. Not just that, but it also bothered me that with trans people, quite often, it was difficult to not talk about trans things. I wanted to transition and be done with it, and live a normal everyday life, I was tired of my life revolving around being trans and passing. It was incredibly tiring.

I hope my story helps others, perhaps make a few people think again, though from personal experience, I have my doubts. When I was 16, I was dead sure and nothing anyone would have said would have stopped me, I needed to go as far as I did and go through everything I've gone through to get to this point. I would not have come to this conclusion any other way and I am sure there are a lot of other teens and young adults like me. Going through transitioning, living and being treated as a man has taught me a lot of very valuable life lessons, and I would not be the same person as I am today without having done all this.

Pumpkin do you have any thoughts on what should happen now? Should we allow kids to change name and gender in schools etc or is it better to ignore it and get them counselling (if you can find any that question things)? You may have no thoughts on the matter at all, which is fine. Just asking as you'll have a different viewpoint.

And do you have any suggestions on where parents or people questioning should start looking? What did you find useful?

@PumpkinCF thanks for explaining about mastectomies for trans people. Thank you for speaking out in such a calm and considered way.

Hi Pumpkin thanks for coming on the thread. I'm glad you are more at peace now

I am so grateful that I have never had these thoughts, it all seems to happen so quickly (I mean the professionals act so quickly). And they are such huge changes.

Did you become involved in any trans groups or with individuals when you transitioned? If so, are you still in touch now that you've detransitioned?

Wonderful! It's certainly fashionable.

I am really glad not to have young children any more.

Having said that, in real life I've not encountered anyone with doubts about their gender.

Thank you @FionaJT and @Ovahere.

I suspected it would be fruitless, but good advice, thank you.

And the other (gender dysmorphia) by chopping off bits of the patients body, and chemicals to help them become the object of the dysmorphia, as it were.
What's the difference?

I've long wondered why one kind of body dysmorphia (anorexia) is treated with counselling and the other (gender dysmorphi

This is a great article. Thanks CF for your perspective. It is moving and important.

One of the biggest concerns in this all this is how we can't seem to trust the experts. As a doctor, I'm really worried that, from what you and others have said, there isn't much care taken to corroborate people's stories at the Gender Clinics. Everything really is being done completely on the patients say so, often after they've been prepped online on what to say to get what they want. It's hard to think of any other area in Medicine where this happens.

For most GPs it will be unusual and specialist and well out of comfort zone and experience. Therefore all they can really do is refer on to specialists. Even if the story was to sound a bit off, as can you imagine the complaints that would come in if they didn't refer.

Add that to the unquestioning way this has been covered in the BMJ, with no engagement at all with the dubious ethics, then it feels like a recipe for the next great medical scandal.

Plus, of course, the fact that those of us who work in the NHS feel very constrained to speak out by the climate in the public sector around this issue.

Hi CF, thanks for posting. If I could have identified out of my body as a teenager I would have (abuse survivor). As it was, I chose self-harm and anorexia as ways of feeling more in control of it. Part of the healing process for me was pregnancy, when I had to look after my body, and it massively changed shape, but for a positive reason. It took me until my early forties before I accepted my body and began to have a healthy attitude to it.