Find it so bloody rude

OP, you really need to get some assertiveness training fast. I mean it.

I understand that you were taken by surprise by these two misogynists but even afterwards you were more concerned about creating a bad atmosphere than establishing your boundaries.

And no, this wasn't my experience of the seventies either.

A visitor walked into a busy office, walked straight up to me and asked me to make him a cup of tea. He'd had a rotten journey, poor love.

The room went silent as I stared at him, blankly.

Someone murmured: "Don't bother taking off your coat, mate. She's the boss and you just failed the test.

This happened to me when I was promoted. I arrived in the conference room to lead my first meeting and a couple of fellas 20 years my senior asked me to "make us a pot of coffee will you dear".

Nice one OP. Definitely let the new guy know where he went wrong in the meeting. Let him know his email is incorrect. Then next time the boss comes over there's no excuse for allowing him to defer to him, and for taking credit for your work.

A visitor walked into a busy office, walked straight up to me and asked me to make him a cup of tea. He'd had a rotten journey, poor love.

The room went silent as I stared at him, blankly.

Someone murmured: "Don't bother taking off your coat, mate. She's the boss and you just failed the test."

Good for you. I would follow up with a quick friendly email to local boss to say thanks for taking this forward, much appreciated, looking forward to hearing the outcome of your chat.

But please do reply on the email. If only to say you have had a chat with local boss.

And new guy needs to be told it's not acceptable to take over your work too.

Good result

This is exactly the kind of situation where you have to be a difficult woman.

Your whole reputation is currently going down the toilet with your male colleagues because you are letting yourself be fucked over. They will have no respect for you. You are allowing yourself to be placed as the office junior. I have worked in male dominated industries for years so pkease believe me that your desire to be a seen as a nice lady will potentially fuck your job there in the next 24hours.

I would tackle this locally. Have it out with the men in your office. You could take the furious faced not so much angry as disappointed at their failure to tackle the boss's mistakes about who is most senior and who knows what.

Screw awkwardness. One of the benefits of working with men is that they are often a lot better at getting over a roasting than women are. In any case you need the atmosphere to be awkward for a little while though. They should feel bad.

Your aim is to get the men in the office to reply to big boss saying thanks for making new boy welcome but of course our amazing senior person trying did all the work and is doing an excellent job of teaching new boy the ropes, as you'll no doubt find out when you spend time with her next time.

This makes local boss look good for standing up for his people. It makes you look good to big boss as a respected senior person. It puts liar new boy in his box.

They know it was wrong but they don't know how to behave to fix it. Tell them. Tell them firmly. Look cross. Be awkward. Make it clear you know that they are good guys but this must be fixed because it makes you look shit.

Long term awkwardness will be avoided by getting them to feel they are taking the high ground by correcting big boss's confusion.

Above all, act today! Do not take it on the chin. Do not let anyone leave the office today without knowing something has to be done.

Can people stop saying that this was what it was like in the 70's. I started working in the 70's and I didn't know anyone who would have put up with this kind of behaviour

I’m just worried about making it an awkward working relationship.

Stop with the female socialisation.

Men respect people that are direct and tell it how it is. Just be neutral about it. He has congratulated a colleague for your work, does he realise? You can understand he was making him feel welcome however it's still your work he was attributing to the man in the room.

Op. This is where we are so conditioned. You're worrying about making it an awkward working relationship. That ship's sailed, Mr Ego has already done that for you. He's been incredibly rude, sexist, spiteful and unprofessional.

When was he worrying about the relationship? When he ignored you? When he was bantering about football with the other wally?

This will sit with you, wind you up, make you dread seeing him. But you've done nothing. The reason this is still happening is because women are taught to be nice, to worry about other people's feelings.

Next meeting. You take the lead. Hello Mr Ego. Wally, can you get us three coffees please. Right, what do you need to ask me?

I've frequently observed this handshake thing over the years. I do think its the hangover form women only being in a room to take minutes and make tea and therefore not actually in the meeting so not in need of a greeting as a full member of humanity.

I find often women don't expect their hand to be shaken either, (although this is becoming less the case) and offer only a limp hand if approached.

I now get up and assertively walk round a room shaking everyone's hand pretty firmly saying my name to make a point! I have a lot of meetings. I recommend it, it changes the tone.

Assholes!

I'd tackle this OP, and try to nip it in the bud before your new colleague completely does a number on you.

He was almost as responsible as the boss if he just nodded along and ignored you.

YOU won't be causing anything... you will be responding to HIS unprofessional behaviour - both of them actually!

Have your say OP, and don't let your male colleague speak for you again. Reply to boss's email yourself - nicenewdusters has written a great example of what you can say. Make your voice heard

Just seen your updates OP. You really need to enlighten him. Already your male colleague is lying to him to keep him sweet. If you don't say anything it will happen again in 6 weeks time.

What's the worst that could happen ? He asked a question, you're telling him the answer. Your colleague has already lied, but don't worry about him. He could have behaved professionally in the meeting, deferred to you and said this is OPs work, you need to discuss it with her. But he didn't, he was weak and colluded and is only thinking about himself.

You need to do the same. Telling someone politely that they were unprofessional is not a sackable offence.

Update your CV and find something better, is my advice.

Yes, take the emotion out of it, and simply feedback your observations

You believe he treated you differently and less respectfully than a male colleague, no handshake on arrival, no handshake on departure, he assumed your work was a male colleague's, he discussed your work with that colleague, he side-lined you in the conversations. Ask him if he knows the colleague is new and therefore the less experienced of the two of you? Write privately rather than all staff emailing. Don't be scared.

Did your new colleague not even feel awkward?
This is real time travel, I would expect every single person I've ever worked with (almost) to turn round and say "sorry, but it's trying's work actually".
Like others said, he's offered the opportunity to respond, so take it!