Someone help me hold my arms up...

Floral

My DD had an awful time as an adolescent. We both went through the mill. Not with gender issues (they weren't really a thing back then) but issues because she was a female. She always says she appreciates that I stood by her, that when she threw a coffee table and its contents across the room I just hugged her. She now spoils me rotten, unfortunately we don't agree on gender issues. She thinks I am on the wrong side of history. I think she is.

And she also won't let me have a coffee table in the living room grin]

Hang in there, it is hard going through it, and even when she is settled you won't be able to for years. Sending you strength, you already have wisdom and love.

I found this for my daughter, im not one for memes but i think maybe if fits you as well

Floral your daughter is so lucky to have you to help her. Hang in there.

Hope CAHMS can help. My DD had counselling via CAHMS for anxiety and it made such a difference for her.

Do you kmow what... i thought that tonno but its not got the same ring

also drop to a a PO box smile (do we have them in this country? Not sure we do now ive said that)

Equivalent is probably an Amazon locker these days..

Floral, I don't know what I can say, except I hear you - take the time you can today to give yourself some of your own headspace.

Ive got nothing useful to say floral

They say its worse before the dawn but fuck me can dawn be a long time coming!!!

Hopefully your daughter will have calmed down slightly after her wobble, I appreciate someone said about counseling for her but is anyone giving you and your husband real life support and counseling

Freinds of mine are going through similar, their son seems to be quite content but it has/is causing problems for the other members of the family

Im in hampshire so if there is anything useful i can do like a chocolate or flower delivery...i can also drop to a a PO box (do we have them in this country? Not sure we do now ive said that)

💐💐💐💐to you Flora. It will get better (almost always does).
PM me if you’re in/around London and would like to be linked in to GC therapists.
Enjoy sofa, hot drinks & Netflix today!

Oh Floral, hugs to you and your DD. We get to deal with all the shit don’t we? If all the women of the world just said fuck it and went to bed I think the world would end. I hope CAAMHS are more helpful Than adult mental health.

I’m also sending a hug, Floral. Coping with adolescents is tough at the best of times, let alone with the extra trans issue and your DH not sharing the load.
Is there any way you could get your DD to a gender critical feminist counsellor? Because millions of teen girls hate their developing bodies and the fact that they are becoming visible potential victims of patriarchy.
Who in their right mind would be happy to “identify” with the gruesome vision of womanhood portrayed in porn and the media?
Who wants the pain and mess of periods, the risk of sexual assault, the discrimination in career prospects, etc etc?
I think your DD needs feminism much more than she needs any encouragement towards the trans pathway of sterility, drugs and mutilating surgery.
Try to catch up on some sleep, even if it’s just catnaps between stressing. You will be exhausted with all this, and it’s hard to remain calm or make good decisions when you’re running on empty.
Try to get out of the house, and offload some of your strain on a good friend or relative, who can give you a real life hug and some support.
I hope the situation begins to improve for your whole family soon, that DD matures and gains some insight into why she hates her body, and DH apologised and steps up to take his share of dealing with his daughter.
My prayers and good wishes, Floral. God bless.

you definitely need to make sure yuo do self care, mental health breaks, etc. try not to feel guilty for taking time out when you "should" be doing xyz. you need to have the mental resources to keep the whole show on the road.

you also need dp to manage some of the stressors, if that is not dealing with dd's emotions etc he needs to pull his weight somewhere else. (eg housework, organising stuff etc)

Sorry to hear you had a troubled night along with your daughter, FloralBunting.

We're all here to help in any way we can (I know that's going to be precious little for some of us).

Hi Floral

I / we hear you xxx

I don't know what to say on the support front. My son has dyspraxia with a huge sidr order of anxiety. He nearly became a school refuser in y8 (beforr he was finally diagnosed) and he had a shitty gcse year. My husband ..... he thinks that I forced a diagnosis out of the system, that they did that to shut me up 😮 . And that my son isn't dyspraxic at all.

I hear you on the lack of support. I have walked in similar shoes. On Monday I did the same. It helps me stay sane, you can't pour from an empty cup xx

I'm sorry Floral. You are supported by us, even if you're not feeling it IRL

Yes we've got you, as best we can .

If it's any small tiny scrap of consolation, I put my mum through absolute hell as a adolescent (I'm sure many of us did) - how on earth she survived it I have no idea. My self-loathing was visceral and pathological; she was justifiably terrified of losing me. But I survived it because of her. Her consistency and unwavering love meant that not only did I get through it (with professional help), but I've gone on and flourished. We now have the best mother-daughter relationship that I know of, and I spoil her rotten .

If I was an adolescent now I have little doubt that I would have been swept up in this trans cult, and the thought horrifies me. Protecting girls who are similarly vulnerable is my main motivation for being so committed to this issue.

So hang in there, a day at a time. We're all fighting for you, even if we can't be with you in person for and and hugs.

Floral I shall be grand and use the royal we because I think it applies: We've got you. We hear you. There are many strong arms here to help you get through this.

Look after yourself

oh floral

Aw, babes. I wish we all lived closer so I could go over with a pot of soup and offer hugs and practical support.

Your DP needs to step up and help you more.

There's a saying "you are only as happy as your least happy child" which always rings true for me.

Funnily enough, I've never heard it said to a father.

I've been through very troubling times with one of my children (not gender dysphoria, but I've felt equally helpless) and we've come out the other side now - but it's difficult to cope with anything at all whilst you have a child in pain. It's agony - I feel that I can deal with any of my own problems now - but when it's my child - it's utterly disabling.

Women are the ones who are never able to just check out, to go to bed because they've had enough, women are usually the ones holding it all together. We seem to carry the mental load.

Sending you much strength, sister

What Arranfan said, hope things settle down soon