Explaining gender vs sex to dd

There is a potential source of confusion in that scientists, including biologists, often use gender when they mean sex. They use the words interchangeably but mean sex. Which does make sense in that gender is a social construct, so outside the area of interest of the natural sciences. So you'll find biology papers talking about the gender of fruit flies for example.

I haven't looked at this closely enough to join all the dots but suspect this is where the confusion about being 'assigned a gender at birth' comes from. Medicinal science has used the word gender interchangeably with sex, to mean sex. So, 'sex is observed at birth' has been misconstrued as 'gender assigned'. (I think the word assigned may come from rare intersex cases, where one or other sex is assigned for convenience).

My basic non-academic understanding of gender has always been that it is a social construct and some sort of relationship between what is going on in people's heads and the society they live in. So it involves identifying oneself with a sub-set of behaviours and appearances one prefers. Rather like becoming a goth.

Further potential for confusion abounds in the overlap between gender and sexuality.

Might be worth you downloading the Transgender Trend resource pack? Only had a quick look and not read it fully myself, but it might be useful to you?

Maybe we need some kind of resource pack or website to help explain

Great idea

I think I've done this reasonably successfully with my 12yo by going down the biology first route - chromosomes, gamete production, body parts. That gets the idea of sex firmly ingrained (to the point that she laughed her head off when I told her some people believe they can change sex and hormones make you grow a uterus, so, job done). I am really confident with the science and she knows biology is my background, which helps.

Gender is more difficult; I called it "a set of ideas about how the sexes are supposed to act, feel and wear. Took it to the extreme - gender says all girls should wear frills, high heels, be sweet and be crap at maths, bpys should be tough, etc - and she got it straightaway with a snort and "well, that's a load of rubbish, isn't it". TBF I have always spent time busting princess myths and encouraging all the ways of being, from make-up to martial arts, and she has a lot of good role models. So perhaps it's easier for me, I don't know.

Maybe we need some kind of resource pack or website to help explain.

Do you mean sex role stereotypes? Say that some people think women and men should behave in particular ways, but that that isn't true and it's fine for a man to do X and a woman Y.

Honestly i don't understand what people see gender as, surely if you can like whatever you want to like regardless of your sex then gender isn't really a thing?