How to deal with DH response re trans issues

82 replies

Carikube · 07/09/2018 23:07

I've read a lot of threads on FWR over the last few months and feel as though I know where I stand on things. However I am having issues bringing DH "over" to the cause as it were and don't know how to deal with it.
I've explained why I'm not happy with self-ID, shown him recent articles eg the one about Karen White etc but he keeps telling me that these are only a small percentage of things to worry about in the grand scheme of things.
We have three young DDs so I feel this is something I want him to get on board with (and I do have to say that on a more general basis, he is quite the feminist so I can't argue about that), but he keeps saying that we have bigger things to worry about, eg how Brexit will impact us as a family/country etc. His point is that the proportion of crimes committed by men who self-ID as women is far smaller than those committed by men against girls/women so I should focus my anger where it matters. I'm finding myself getting too emotional about his response to have a rational discussion to point out why I think he should care more.
Can anybody wiser come up with reasons to make him become more concerned?
[Might not be posting again until morning so please bear with me....]

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Rednaxela · 07/09/2018 23:36

He's right it is just one of many issues DDs will potentially face. What's pissing you off? That he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously?

Sports is a good idea. Show some examples that have been linked before. The park run thing as well. Men calling themselves women taking top spots with no transparency. So high performing women are being silently and invisibly pushed out.

Original poster

Carikube · 07/09/2018 23:32

Thank you for your responses. Each time I've tried to point these things out to him, he just says that in the grand scheme of things, these issues are just one tiny percentage of what our DDs will have to worry about in life. I just can't get any further with him (eg he says there's more chance of them getting run over by a bus or attacked by a man still presenting as a man than there is of them getting hurt by a MTF) that I'm lost as to where to go next. We've just walked home in silence as i couldn't talk to him any more and i am completely at a loss

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Fallingirl · 07/09/2018 23:32

Tell him it should’t really matter how he feels about it. When women, and in this case his wife, whom he ought to care about, tell him that we think it is big deal, then it is a big deal. He won’t be affected, but women will. So this is very much an issue where men should take women’s word for it.

birdsdestiny · 07/09/2018 23:24

Tell him your brain is able to worry about more than one thing. I have views on Brexit and the gender critical debate. I don't think I am particularly amazing in that capacity. However not sure how I would feel about DH wanting to 'bring me over' to a particular point of view.

ShrodingersSturdyPyjamas · 07/09/2018 23:23

Imagine sitting in a supermarket cafe and one of hismdaughters goes into the loos on her own. Straight behind her, a man follows her in.

What does he do? Just sit there? or race over there?

How would he know the difference between:
a man
a man who intends on doing harm
a man dressed as a woman
a man dressed as a woman who intends on doing harm?

Somerville · 07/09/2018 23:22

Sports are what peal-transed my DH. Especially when he saw the new rules from the federation for the sport he’s into, and worked out that with little more than self-ID as a woman he could be high on the “female” ranking for the U.K. and potentially go pro - which he’s not talented enough to do as a male. It really shocked him. (Like your DH, he had sympathy with the wider concerns but it all seemed very far removed from affecting our lives, especially as the only trans person we know is a decent sort. It was when it affected an area he has expertise in - so he could see what men would potentially have to gain from self-ID - that he suddenly got it properly.)

speakingwoman · 07/09/2018 23:19

He’s forgotten how (a) recent and (b) fragile women’s rights are.

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