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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Reading Pride

185 replies

JellySlice · 31/08/2018 12:18

Looks like I'm going with my 15yo and her friends to Pride tomorrow. They are naive rainbow-swallowing trans-allies, and I am a gender-critical liberal (small-L). I am not going to spoil their fun or embarrass dd, I am simply there as their discreet chaperone.

But...

Should I, still discreet, do something...more?

Suggestions...?

OP posts:
HotRocker · 31/08/2018 16:57

Yes, the gaslighting, and I expect the extremely deluded believe it will work, but the other 82% of us, every biology textbook ever written and UK equality law knows what a lesbian is, and knows what a woman is.

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:57

Right OP so why would you want to make them feel worse?!?

DramaQueenofHighCs · 31/08/2018 16:55

It's a difficult one as, as usual it's the vocal minorities (as I see it) on both sides causing the problems. I don't think ANYBODY straight, lesbian or gay should be forced to deal with genetalia they do not want to deal with. However for me..... I fall in love with PEOPLE, if I got to know someone and fell in love with them as a person I wouldn't give two glittery shites what genetalia they had. That's my problem with this whole thing, I'm a total LGBTQ+ or whatever Ally (I identify as Bi) but I just don't get what the obsession with genetalia is. Love, is love is love. Why can't everyone just love PEOPLE and get to know PEOPLE and be free to love who they want regardless (laws of informed consent and age aplys of course) and leave everyone in peace. I'm not saying this to be goady (100% honest) but I really don't get it at all. I would like it explained to me how genetalia makes a difference as to me it's the person that matters.
Honestly, I'm posting because I want to learn and understand - how can I be informed if I don't understand after all?

OP go to pride, keep quiet and absorb everything, then use it to have a discussion about consent and how NOBODY should be forced into a relationship with anyone they don't want to be for whatever the reason. It's not about penises, it's about everybody being allowed to make their own (legal) choices without fear of discrimination.

I hope my ramble made sense.

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:54

So what about the big LwiththeT movement? The thousands of lesbians who used the hashtag are definitely not wanting 'support' from transphobes.

Loads of lesbians support their trans siblings. Loads. A misguided attempt by people like the OP to 'support' lesbians by being hateful towards trans people is only going to anger and piss off the majority of lesbians.

JellySlice · 31/08/2018 16:52

Lol OP if you are trans you really have some self hatred going on there!

That is sadly very true, and making it such a flippant comment shows that you do not know anybody who has suffered the distress that leads up to full transition. You have not seen the depths of self-hatred and despair into which a person can sink when their self-image does not fit with society's expectations of them.

OP posts:
WarmWishes · 31/08/2018 16:50

Well I cannot profess to be an expert on what ALL lesbians feel, unlike you. But I can tell you that many, many lesbians did not go to the Manchester one, where I am from because they didn't want to waste good money on something in which they feel they have no place. So were therefore unable to not show their support, as they were not there to not show it. I know this, because they have told me. However, as I haven't spoken to all MANCHESTER biological female lesbians I won't make any sweeping statements. Also the lesbians I do know are GC critical and I assume the lesbians you know aren't, so neither of our anecdotal experiences are enough to make an emphatic statement either way. Although you don't seem to be the type of person to let that stop you.

NameChangedAgain18 · 31/08/2018 16:49

Or perhaps I’ve misunderstood and you were telling them they should accept dick?

NameChangedAgain18 · 31/08/2018 16:48

What gaslighting bullshit, Jasmine. You’re seriously telling the three lesbians who have posted their experience above that it’s all in their heads?

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:44

Lol OP if you are trans you really have some self hatred going on there!

JellySlice · 31/08/2018 16:42

You assume that I'm not trans, but insist that I should nonetheless support transpeople.

You assume that I'm not lesbian, but insist that I should therefore not support lesbians.

Hmm
OP posts:
jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:39

WarmWishes I invite you to watch the crowds of thousands upon thousands of women cheering the #LwiththeT marchers at the pride festivals across the country this summer.

The irony is the London Pride protest has made so many lesbians come out in solidarity with trans women. To be fair if the OP did do a spiteful protest it would only make more lesbians show their solidarity and support so maybe she should crack on.

WarmWishes · 31/08/2018 16:34

That was to jasmine

WarmWishes · 31/08/2018 16:34

Yes well I'm going out on a limb here and going to assume you haven't surveyed the opinions of my local pride attendees. Nor can you speak for the lesbians who deliberately don't go, because they feel unwelcome and uncomfortable at pride.

I don't like the idea but I think you are making a lot of assumptions.

BettyDuMonde · 31/08/2018 16:31

My 12 year old daughter has just shyly announced she has a girlfriend.

I’d love to have taken her to MCR pride last week but in the current climate, I felt it would make her less comfortable with her emerging self, rather than more so.

Turns out, I was right to be cautious
One of the compères has resigned after making lesbophobic comments on stage.

JellySlice your daughter is older than mine, so perhaps going along and making lots of audible support for lesbian groups, whilst being prepped and ready for some difficult conversations on why the current schism is occurring, should you witness anything, is the best option?

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:29

I don't want trans people to feel victimised or miserable or singled out.

You and 99% of pride attendees - yes including lesbians -hence it being a really shit idea.

WarmWishes · 31/08/2018 16:22

There's a very local pride to me this weekend and I did consider the sticker thing but I decided it wouldn't be right, as a straight woman. Although I would do it as an ally to lesbians but my lesbian friends aren't local.

Besides which the GRA is my biggest concern and I would want to target a wider audience than just those attending pride. I wouldn't want to spoil a happy day. I don't want trans people to feel victimised or miserable or singled out. I just want the public at large to know what is happening and the implications for biological females. However I absolutely stand with hotrocker and her post below was very moving and offers an insight into an experience that literally no one seems to give a shit about. I cannot imagine how marginalised lesbians must be feeling right now and I keep reading accounts like this and it makes me so sad and furious.

So I probably sound very conflicted in my post and maybe not making a lot of sense. I just feel that if I put those stickers up in a small local parade then it would feel like targeted harassment but if I put them up In Sainsbury's in a retail park then it wouldn't.

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 16:14

They are naive rainbow-swallowing trans-allies

Your OP very clearly references trans people and makes it clear you are not a trans ally.

Maybe start a new thread about how to promote feminism at pride if that is your intention? As your OP sounded very much like you have something against trans people.

JellySlice · 31/08/2018 16:09

Placing leaflets stating facts about your group, without reference to any other group, is not 'forcing ideology on anyone'.

OP posts:
Luglio · 31/08/2018 16:07

Too right. I'm madly peaking all my gay friends and colleagues by pointing out that trans ideology means that cunnilingus is now compulsory for them. Their little faces, lol!

LadybirdsAreBirds · 31/08/2018 15:59

Yes. Gay men are wising up

UpstartCrow · 31/08/2018 15:56

Our gay friends are tired of dealing with conversion therapy presented under the guise of inclusiveness.

jasminemaya · 31/08/2018 15:54

I do not support one group's forceful imposition of their ideology upon another group.

Good. So don't force the rad fem ideology on anyone and all will be well.
Hope you enjoy yourself.

HotRocker · 31/08/2018 15:41

I find it very difficult to comment on these threads because as a lesbian, the female homosexual kind, I get incredibly angry when people come on here telling people like me, a lesbian, that I’m a bigot because I do not except that men can be lesbians, or that women have penises, and that I ever have to be forced into a position where I have to defend myself for stating facts makes me feel both helpless and furious at the same time.
And that’s not even going into the fear I felt when going to pride in my own town, or the upset I felt when being completely blanked by people I used to call friends, or the reluctance I feel to attend any lesbian events now because I’m openly GC and I feel marginalised and unsafe, or the complete terra I feel that this madness will never end, and that it’ll only get worse.
I have trans friends, had trans friends, who I supported and sympathised with, and if anyone had attacked them, or verbally abused them, or was vile to them in any way, I would have been right there defending them, but where are they now? Where are they now I’m being told that I’m a bigot, just for being myself? Where are they now I’m being told I’m not allowed to live and love in peace because I refuse to allow certain people into my bed?
I’ll tell you where they are, they are doing it. They have disappeared so far up their own arses with how special they think they are that they‘ve forgotten that other people have a right to exist to.
So honestly, sincerely, pride can fuck off, the LGBTQDJTUCUWZKOUIBXMKGDSGRFCSQFJNBLPYY+=>?~# or whatever it’s up to now can fuck off, and the rainbow flag can fucking burn for all I care.

Knicknackpaddyflak · 31/08/2018 15:38

Lesbians certainly aren't welcome at Pride, Jasmine. I won't go any more, I will not be around people insisting that people with penises are lesbians and that my sexual orientation is not a valid reason to refuse sex with people with penises if they identify as women. The POV that genital preference can be and should be unlearned to be inclusive, is deeply homophobic and pro conversion therapy.

If believing that having a problem with the above is 'transphobic' then the word really has lost all meaning. It's the people who don't have a problem with the above who are the ones society should be very worried about.

noeffingidea · 31/08/2018 15:28

Lesbians are always welcome
You mean as long as they're prepared to pretend that hetrosexual men who self ID as women are lesbians.

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