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Original poster

I just can't even right now - "trans" toddler

109 replies

aidelmaidel · 31/08/2018 00:52

NC for this because very un-PC

Acquaintance has a three-year-old girl, who has decided that she is a boy. Has picked a different name, a different birthday (?) and Mum is extremely vigilant about defending this child's New Identity in all directions. Nursery, grandparents, colleagues have all been told, and parenting support group (mostly academics) are terribly supportive whenever anyone refers to this child as "she." She's even posted links to those weird sites that sell fake penises for small children (so that they can have an authentic bulge in their nappies?) so I assume the kid is packing one of those.

This has been going on for a good few months now.

Recently the mum posted that the child regularly has epic two-hour tantrums.

I can't help but think well, you're letting the kid insist that their name, their physical makeup, and their birthday can be altered at will and every adult around them must bow down accordingly, does it really surprise you that the kid can't cope with life when other things aren't treated the same?

Venting here because this sort of thinking is verboten in real life. Is this one of those things where once you have a toddler of your own you get a totally different perspective?

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/08/2018 01:45

What sort of company makes fake penises for toddlers????

Children pretend all sorts of things. My ds at age 3 wanted (and got) a dress to wear for parties because his best friend at that age always had pretty dresses for parties. If he'd also wanted long hair and to call himself princess Lola or whatever is probably have humoured that on the basis that it was a phase and he'd outgrow it. It wouldn't have occurred to me that he was "trans" because he was 3 not 23.

Materialist · 31/08/2018 01:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WomblingWoman · 31/08/2018 01:32

Well here's hoping for an intervention from some sane family members...

FFS it's normal for kids to play (and that's what it is) and act out all sorts of situations and identities.

You don't belittle that, you engage and have fun.

Equally you don't reinforce one or other play "roles" at that age - unless you're active in looking out for them - which I fear some parents are.

SPOFS · 31/08/2018 01:30

Welcome to this brave new world.

If the TRAs win, then this is our children's future: gender stereotypes, early-transition, and zero-questioning.

GhostPerfume · 31/08/2018 01:20

Jesus

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 31/08/2018 01:18

My three year old pretends that the Paw Patrol pups live with us. There was also a period of time when he insisted that he was a mouse rather than a boy. He also claims that when he grows up, he will be an elephant. At that age, I don't think saying that they are a different sex is anything more than a bit of pretending.

I've made sure people know about ds's make-believe because it can be slightly disconcerting otherwise. And I wouldn't be happy either if some other adult took it upon themselves to tell ds that none of this is true when dh and me play along with the make believe.

HopeGarden · 31/08/2018 01:12

Surely 2 hour tantrums aren’t normal for most toddlers?

And I’m extremely sceptical about any 3 year old having enough understanding of gender to be genuinely trans.

Original poster
aidelmaidel · 31/08/2018 00:58

I wish it wasn't true. It's ghastly every time she posts. I cannot bring myself to be supportive of her efforts to force everyone around her to prop up her kid's alternative reality.

But good to hear that two hour tantrums are just part of being a toddler. Well, not good exactly. Anyway. In that case I'll keep rolling my eyes privately and not worrying too much. And hoping the kid grows out of it before they get put on hormones.

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 31/08/2018 00:55

Surely this isn’t true?!

Btw two hour tantrums in a toddler aren’t a sign of anything except that they are a toddler!