I just can't even right now - "trans" toddler

FFS
I have a a 3yr nearly 4yo child who is very intelligent but completely unaware of gender to the point where they misgender me and everyone around constantly.

"Mummy is making lunch! He says it's ready!" His best female friend is always "he".

We got him a silver Chinese waving cat yesterday. Someone asked is it a boy or girl cat?
"No. It's a silver cat!"

This is normal child level understanding at this age.

The transing of children to an adult agenda is really upsetting.

Sorry, should have said this is a video that starts by looking at the packer phenomenon and goes on to look at the links between that business and others which should really have nothing to do with children at all. Worrying.

Warning, this is disturbing. Don't watch it with small children around.

It also occurs to me that tantrums such as these might be a symptom of a developmental disorder, such as ASD

Absolutely. Someone up thread mentioned that 2 hour tantrums aren't normal even for a three year old. The only one of my children who had two hour (and more) toddler tantrums was the one who turned out to be autistic.

And like virtually everyone else on the thread my kids have taken on all kinds of weird and wonderful identities at that age. But there's an obvious distinction between playing along in good humour where appropriate and actually believing that your child is Peppa Pig or whatever.

Lastly what the actual fuck with those "packers". I didn't know they were a thing for adults (sheltered...) let alone kids. Please will someone come along and tell me it's a joke...

Makes me sick

Unfortunately for some parents now a trans child is the ultimate accessory - you get to virtue signal your wokeness to the world, and get nothing but uncritical adoration for what a great supportive, loving parent you are.

It speakers me sick.

Sweet baby Jesus - DS used to pretend to be a cat at that age and my sister was called Bill apparently.

Some parents just need to stop.

Exactly Tanith
It also occurs to me that tantrums such as these might be a symptom of a developmental disorder, such as ASD

“I feel this is child abuse...not sure what kind but there is something seriously wrong with a parent that adopts this approach with a toddler”

It’s emotional abuse. I haven’t yet dealt with this example, but I can see it coming. Our council safeguarding course was very cagey about it. I’ve known the trainer for years and she was clearly unhappy with having to “move with the times” as she put it.

I have seen other examples around food and allergies, where a parent will insist that a child must not eat certain foods. The most extreme was a lady who self-diagnosed her children with allergies to almost every allergen going; she was making them ill with their restricted diet.
It’s why many settings now insist on medical proof of allergies. I wonder if that will come to be the rule with trans-identifying toddlers: medical proof of dysphoria or we raise concerns. Of course, it may go the other way and that really scares me.

Why does it scare me?
It’s because it’s so important to toddlers that they understand their own identity. I have seen the real distress caused by teasing that a girl is a boy, for example. Blurring these lines is going to cause some massive mental health issues in the future.

Which brings me on to those tantrums. Kids of any age can have tantrums; 2 year olds are notorious for them.
Regular, epic 2 hour tantrums in a 3 year old, particularly an older 3 year old, aren’t usual. I would be concerned if that was happening with a child in my care. I’ve known similar and there was a definite and traumatic reason for them.

Yes thats exactly it a form of munchausens by proxy or a similar mentality of the type of parents that dress child in an adult manner to enter beauty pageants. Children go through a lengthy stage of magical thinking so wouldn't it reasonable to assume that some very imaginative children who may prefer the stereotypical toys / clothes / play style of the opposite sex might go through a stage where they are very convincing that they are a boy who is really a girl.

The tiny penis packers are just so disturbing, it actually made me feel sick. You know, I try so hard to be fair and non-judgemental and accept all etc etc as I'm sure we all do, but this kind of thing actually doesn't help the trans or diversity agenda at all. I just feel that anyone who makes, sells and promotes fake penises to little girls has something seriously wrong with them.

It’s just rediculous.

@InionElle your daughter sounds incredibly charming. My 3yo is mostly a dinosaur, although at the moment he has a taste for being the pink flying unicorn from Animal Mechanicals. He doesn't have fictional children, but he does occasionally parent his soft toys in a way that makes me go "... dear God, did I actually say that to him?"

Venting here because this sort of thinking is verboten in real life

Depends who you know I guess, I don't think one person I know would think what this mother is doing is anything other than ridiculous and harmful.

I agree with those who are suggesting maybe the mother has a form of munchausen by proxy.

iamawoman

Emotional abuse. It's akin to Munchausens by Proxy

I feel this is child abuse...not sure what kind but there is something seriously wrong with a parent that adopts this approach with a toddler . I feel that for some parents it is feeding into their own narcissism about having a 'special' child. People need to ignore and not pander to it and definitely call out on the appropriateness of fake genitals.

aidel

I'd say you could seek advice from the NSPCC, which is what I'd advise anyone with a child welfare concern to do. Not so sure after yesterday's fiasco and no-show from the NSPCC on the Facebook Live chat

Awful.

I feel sullied just by clicking that packers link. Disturbing.

I’m deliberately buying some ‘baby boy’ clothes for my daughter soon, as I like the designs. Trans baby! Or maybe I should be looking into some sort of species realignment as they are foxes and badgers etc. If she doesn’t cry when I put them on then she’s obviously identifying as, well, something other than a baby girl. Or am I supposed to say AFAB.

My 'Muckazymes' employee is currently singing along to 'Let It Go' while wearing her favourite Elsa costume so I'm guessing he must have given her the afternoon off. I will ask for some of her pay cheque to contribute to household expenses, good suggestion upthread. I've a feeling it'll be paid in stones from the garden though.

My favourite part of her 'grown-up' alter ego is when we're out and about and I say something like 'oh there's that place we went for pizza' and she then tells this entire story about her kids and how she took them there once but one of them had a tantrum and they had to leave and they got NO DESSERT and she hasn't taken them back there since. It's hilarious.

I would put the trans delusion on the same level with me assuming her tales of 'her kids' and her employer being a sign of past life remembrance. I mean it could be, but really the more likely explanation is that she is just a normal 3-year old with a big imagination who loves coming up with stories.

I feel sorry for these kids who are being fed nonsense by their parents. It must be very confusing for them.

I’ve also had the same DS tell me that he wants to be a girl, and when I asked him why, it turned out that he thought that if a particular medical condition he was having wouldn’t be there if he was a girl. Of course declaring himself a girl wouldn’t solve the medical condition, but he’s too young to have thought it through and understand that his “solution” was faulty by himself.

hope I think you have hit on something really important there about child-like 'solutions' and faulty reasoning. Children do the best they can but without guidance and correction from adults they simlply aren't able to make proper snese of what they feel and see.

How many children wrongly blame themselves for problems they see at home or even the death of a parent. Poor kids will come to the wrong conclusion if not parented well and then sadly some carry that faulty thinking through to aduthood. I don't think gender identity issues are totally different.

There needs to be focus on breaking down stereotypes, not telling children that the solution is to pretend to be the other sex if they prefer stereotypes of the other sex.

Absolutely. I’ve had one of my small DS’s tell me that he’s a girl because “I like pink and only girls like pink”
I’ve also had the same DS tell me that he wants to be a girl, and when I asked him why, it turned out that he thought that if a particular medical condition he was having wouldn’t be there if he was a girl. Of course declaring himself a girl wouldn’t solve the medical condition, but he’s too young to have thought it through and understand that his “solution” was faulty by himself.

I don't know if the OP is telling a true story.

I do know that there is precedent and future potential for an abusive parent to 'trans' their child in a similar sort of way to Munchausen's by Proxy, and that those responsible for safeguarding should be allowed to question a child's reasons for persistently saying that they are the opposite sex.