Mother-in-law refuses to accept I didn't change my name

Yes you can bank it. My GM died last year and left me a small amount of money, I presume her will was written before I married and the cheque was made out to my maiden name.

Yes, but that's a name you've previously legally been known as. The OP's MIL has written a cheque for a name that has never legally existed. The bank might be nice about it upon presentation of a marriage certificate, but there's no legal reason to recognise the validity of the name.

MIL loves buying those enormous birthday cards that don't fit through the letterbox. The sorting office now has about ten year's worth of them as she sends them to the wrong surname and obviously I have no ID to collect them. I gave up telling her that my name is my name after a couple of years and just let the post office build up a nice collection now.

whereas the patent office struggled to accept that I had changed my name. Had to get a lawyer to sort it out.

I don’t bank cheques from MIL, I just thank her for them.

Don't rise to the bait - just bank it (assuming you can and only hand back in the unlikely event the bank says no ) thank her for the gift and carry on .

Is there anyway I can deposit this if I take my marriage certificate to the bank?

Its discretionary. The bank don't have to accept it and it depends on whether you get served by a jobs worth.

I did this after getting married and was told that my bank would only accept up to 6 months after getting married. The teller then proceeded to tell me that legally all women had to change their name on marriage. They did begrudgingly cash it but it was made clear to me that they were not obliged to and I was an inconvenience as a woman.

The teller was a woman.

I've had similar incidents with other banks since.

Its almost as if brains melt at the thought of woman keeping her own name.

Give the cheque to your husband and tell him to deal with your mother and tell her to stop being passive aggressive. The problem won't go away until you get him to confront her for being so rude.

I’d send it back and say they won’t accept it at the bank- but she can send another in your name if she wants to.

Love this single! ^

My ddil didn't change her name when she married Ds. He doesn't care. He might even change his name to hers. Do I care? Do I fuck! What's in a name?

And my DB (who is also old) texts me to ask my GC's surnames every time they have a birthday so we are not all tactless

We had lots of different variations of our names on cheques as wedding presents. It was fine and we managed to cash them all. However I got one for my "chief bridesmaid" (didn't really do bridesmaids to be honest but she was closest to that traditional role) made out to Myname Hissurname which she apsolutely KNEW was never going to be an option for me, she knew but she didn't agree so did a passive aggressive dig. It was the last in a long line of similar digs related to the wedding and lack of tradition in how we did things. I didn't cash the cheque and essentially dissolved the friendship. It's amazing what a wedding/trying to get married on your own terms reveals about people close to you.

It took me about 10 years of pointing out that I hadn't changed my name for it to finally get through to my MIL. We had the cheque issue as well, so she switched to making them out to my DH instead to avoid the issue. Then she went with hyphenating our names (also wrong). I didn't give up but I think it took my DH consistently reminding her before birthdays etc for it to finally sink in that I was actually serious! Draining.

I am glad no-one (yet) has mentioned it being an age thing. I have a teenage GC, so I am not young. I never assume that a married woman has taken the DH's name. Very recently I went to a wedding and I was going to write them a cheque, then I realised I didn't know if she was changing her name, so I just gave them cash. Which was just as well as she hasn't changed her name.

Lloyd’s I was able to register my marriage certificate with them once and use both names (I didn’t change my name but 15 yrs on still get cheques made out in dh’s surname).

NatWest - have to take a marriage certificate in each time, each time they think I want to change my nAme on the account. They just don’t get (well their systems!) that just because you don’t change your name on marriage that there are still certain individuals that don’t get this (deliberately or not) ad send a cheque with the wrong name on, and that this is not an oversight on your part. You want to keep your old name but use the new one occasionally - this should be a perfectly normal use case that their systems cope with but as it doesn’t affect me it doesn’t get thought about.

I think it will depend upon the bank as I’ve struggled to do so. Although, frustratingly, I’ve been told by bank tellers that it is fine to pay in cheques in a maiden surname with proof of a marriage certificate but not the other way round. I suppose they were saying a name I was or am known by is fine but not a name I have never held. I found it all very annoying.

I get this quite a bit - bizarrely it's mainly from my family, not DH's.

I decided that for anything social, to just ignore it, as I feel the odd envelope or place card isn't worth causing a fuss over.

But I always return cheques, with a friendly note thanking the sender and reminding them that I have not changed my name and have no way to pay it in because it is written to an identity that does not exist.

I’ve noticed this time and time again: the women who deliberately use a ‘married’ surname for a family member who hasn’t in fact changed their name are very insecure about their own status and lack of achievements and recognition beyond marriage and family. I have never seen a woman who has kept her own surname “forget” the right surname when another woman has changed hers. It’s always in one direction.

Make sure you send her one with her maiden name, neither of you will have a birthday present this time, but she'll get the message.

Haha this ^^

Why would you accept it?

Make sure you send her one with her maiden name, neither of you will have a birthday present this time, but she'll get the message.
Or send it back as unable to cash, although she probably expects you to do this, so she can say if you weren't so unreasonable there wouldn't be a problem.

Agree, send it back and say it’s not your name.

My MIL is the same and especially won’t accept that the DC have don’t have DH’s name alone. She even told me, quite angrily, that children need their father’s name.

I suspect she's done it on purpose and is waiting for a reaction. Don't give her one except thanks and, cash the cheque with no further comment.

Do you need the money? I’d treat this as the passive aggressive game that it is, thank her kindly, then not lodge the cheque. If she asked eventually, I’d say the bank wouldn’t accept it as it wasn’t in my name, but no matter, and I’d smile sweetly.
Nobody gains from that, but nobody gains from taking a stand - unless the money does matter to you.
Btw it is a very rude and aggressive thing to not accept someone’s name - I had this problem too and eventually told MIL she was being disrespectful. To her credit she hadn’t realised (she is dim and tactless) but somehow thought she was forcing affection on me. Strange woman.
You’ll know your own business best but I’d be gently and quietly withdrawing from her in your shoes!