Hi MN! Gender-critical bi man here, first-time poster, long-time lurker and lover of this community, fully acknowledging I'm here in what is predominantly a women's space on MN, so feel free to ignore my views if that's how you feel :) I know many of you are sick of hearing a man's perspective, and understandably so, but I wanted to offer my support and thoughts to those in this community.
Over the past 12-24 months I have seen more and more women coming out against radical transgender ideology. This has been natural a reaction to the growing trans activism madness which has been creeping in the last 5-10 years.
I see women angry and hurt and upset that their words and identity are being taken from them without consultation. They don't feel safe in their spaces. Their sporting achievements and opportunities are being taken away. They see the definition of what it means to be a woman not just blurred, but completely made a joke of.
I see trans people and their allies threatening women both online and in real life. Threats of violence (and actual violence sometimes). Threats of death. Use of the term TERF to silence women who disagree with their words and identities being redefined.
I see the push by many in the gender critical community to get the term TERF considered a slur, and I think this is working. The moment the word TERF is used, all debate is shut down. Women no-platformed and silenced. They use the word TERF as a convenient catch-all for what they really mean, which is "women who disagree with us about what it means to be a woman".
Take any of the hateful tweets or comments about TERFs and substitute the word TERF for those words (women who disagree with us) and the results are scary. These comments and threats are tolerated in society and online because they use that label - TERF. I see some women and radfems owning the term and staunchly declaring themselves TERFs. Some wear it as a badge of honour. That's fine! I the term has been poisoned though. I don't think it's possible to now have it used as a positive label. I think the push to declare it a slur is the right move.
When you dehumanise someone by giving them a label and declaring them hateful and pariahs, it makes hateful rhetoric towards them "acceptable".
I think if we want to fight back against this madness, the term "Gender critical" needs to be pushed more, and stand up against the use of the term TERF. It's an excellent term. We SHOULD be critical of gender. Gender stereotypes and roles should be fought against, not reinforced.
One benefit of uniting under such a term is that many people who do not consider themselves "trans-exclusionary" or "radical feminists" can get behind the term. This includes men. This includes women who don't consider themselves feminists.
I grew up in a household full of women. I've always been a more effeminate man. I'm thankful for the influence of all the wonderful women in my life and I have nothing but respect for them. I see the damage that gender stereotypes do to girls, boys, women, and men. These stereotypes are what we need to change, not our words and our bodies.
There's nothing wrong with being a feminine man. This does not make you a woman though.
There's nothing wrong with being a masculine woman. This does not make you a man though.
There's nothing wrong with not fitting into gender stereotypes. There's nothing wrong with you. Society is the problem. Gender is the problem. It feels like we're doing the exact OPPOSITE of what we should be doing with respect to gender.
It's infuriating to me as a man to see your words redefined, spaces invaded, voices shouted down, and told they can't celebrate their female bodies because it's offensive to others. Women threatened and made to feel bad for their deeply held (and correct) views about what a woman is. I can't even imagine how it must feel for women. One of my male privileges is that I don't get called a TERF for my views, or told to "die in a fire" or "choke on my ladydick". I'm simply called a transphobe, but at least being called a transphobe leaves room for debate. It's still a silencing technique, but not as effective as the term TERF.
We need to be louder and angrier about the silencing techniques being used and the violent language towards women. When they say TERF, we need to reject the term and make them say what they really mean; "Women who disagree with us". Object to the use of the term TERF. Ask them to not call you a TERF and say it is offensive and you do not identify as one.
Communities like this and reddit.com/r/gendercritical are growing stronger every day. Strong, brave women who are sick of being cast aside and having the rights and protections they've fought for taken away. Sick of being forced to say and accept things they don't and will not believe, because they find them fundamentally false and offensive.
I'd wager that the majority of people in western society do not truly believe the statement "Trans women are women". When you add in non-western society (the other 80% of the world population), I'm almost certain even fewer people would agree with it.
I can't speak on behalf of women, nor do I want to. I can only speak on my own behalf based on what I've seen. I can and do however want to do everything possible to support and encourage women to speak out. I'm actively encouraging gender-critical views amongst my friends and family. Advice on how I can continue to support women and promote gender criticism (criticalness?) is always appreciated.
Don't give in to their silencing. Don't let them shame or guilt you with phrases like "your transphobia is literally killing us". We all know it's not gender-critical women killing them; it's violent men. Don't foster their delusions. Don't let them control your language. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, say so. Their right to feel safe and comfortable does not trump yours. Reject their dismissal of you as a TERF; make them say what they really mean - A woman with her own thoughts who disagrees. Don't allow their threats of violence and death. Report their hate speech against women. Demand the right to be heard. You deserve a voice and a platform. You are entitled to your beliefs.
I would also recommend letting the men if your life know (if you have any; I know many women choose not to for obvious reasons) that you don't feel comfortable with the word woman being redefined and your spaces, protections, and opportunities taken from you. Talk to men about your gender critical views. Being gender critical is common sense. Men will by and large support you; as men are also sick of this trans insanity. We are just not being pushed out of our spaces like you are. If we were, we'd be up in arms. The attached image (borrowed from the sidebar of r/gendercritical) is a graphic explaining gender critical views and I've found through sharing that it is simple enough for even us men to understand :) Let men know what we can do to help. Tell us how you feel.
Don't give up what you've fought so hard for to those who insist that being a woman is a feeling. We all know it's not. We all know what a woman is. We all grew inside of one.
Sorry for the essay. Thanks if you took the time to read! And thanks to MN for not caving into radical ideology and providing a safe place for women to discuss what it means to be a woman.