An epiphany.

Website primarily used by women not getting accessibility right == intersectional feminist issue?

Glad you had s good sleep, I hope it has restored you a little.

Sending hugs for freezer issues- complete pain in the bottom

Thanks Datun
The images are labelled in peoples posts but I can’t post them myself, which is odd. Lots of the links and buttons aren’t labelled either, so for example I have no idea how to quote. I’m reliably informed by a techie person I know that labelling links, images and buttons just involves adding an extra line of code. They really should have all this covered. Some websites are great for this, and others are awful. MN is about in the middle, but still unsatisfactory I’d say considering the size and scale and the membership. Anyway sorry for the derail.

OT, but do @MNHQ know about this 'Emojis aren’t labelled for screen readers on here' - it's the sort of accessibility issue which sighted people may be blissfully ignorant of. Don't know if it's a hard or trivial thing to deal with technically.

FloralBunting, Hotrocker

I was reminded of this thread by the section of Janice Turners column today titled 'Painful Truth'

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a-fly-tipper-brings-out-my-charles-bronson-side-cdhmlh25s?shareToken=f784a2fe77fa71c9d5eddf34f5667ef7

HotRocker

Gosh for you too. And good luck today. ( that's a Flowers emoticon, not sure if you can ascertain that?)

Hope you're a little better floral, lots of hot 🍋 ,🍯, and 🥃 for you!

I hope your dp has worked out some things, although he really shouldn't need a list, could you give him one?

One of the worst thing about being poorly is when you're better you've lots of catching up to do :(

We went through this when ds was small and I became quite chronically poorly.

My mil had a similar epiphany too, on my behalf. I caught tonsillitis from ds's scarlet fever but battled on for 3 weeks till I finally got antibiotics. (She types while listening to the radio regarding antibiotics!) she has 3 sons, and I often think such a male heavy family, plus fil and mil are very traditional and religious (so tend not to query the status quo).

Mil merrily said, "oh our (youngest son, teacher like me, ds of same age) always goes to bed for a week when he gets tonsillitis, doesn't get up for anything"

Yes, um, I can't do that mil, cos of small ds. And Dh won't take any time off as he runs his own business.

She looked shocked as realised the inequality of our positions since we have both had children. I do wonder if this is why bil's then partner went back full time and chased senior leadership roles like he did. Perhaps she realised the way she'd be disadvantaged while furthering his career where she was quite able to achieve at the same level as him, and he'd have to take sick days off for their child too. Unfortunately I also think (but not sure and she had an affair) this was partly why they didn't stay together.

Primary schools are actually a difficult place to work with young families due to patriarchal inequality. As for some reason it tends to be mums who have to take the time off when young child is poorly and primary schools are very female heavy. My head teacher got mightily fed up with it, while also recognising how hard it was, being a mum and wife to a man very high in his field who often travelled. Some schools I know of don't make it easy for new mums to return with reduced hours as a result.

(But I do know there are many families where this is more balanced. Not quite enough yet though!)

(Nc as lots of identifying things!)

I hope you feel better soon, FloralBunting, my lovely. And I hope your DH gets some understanding pronto.

But I am cheering your coming out as a feminist!

Oh gosh Floral, that sounds minging. I hope you get better soon, and in the meantime the world won’t stop turning without your labour.
A couple of days ago I found out I’ve got an aggressive, painful form of glaucoma. I’m not going to lose my site because I already have, but Jesus does it hurt. I’m a single parent so I do everything. Luckily enough for me, DP (female) has come over to support us and keep things ticking over. I’m having an operation in the morning so she’ll look after DS while I’m at the hospital.
I do feel your pain though, at least to a certain degree. Normally while I’m ill I have to carry on regardless. Obviously it’s not the same because DS is a child and can’t look after himself, but I do know how it feels to carry the weight of everything and not have any space to be human. Also DS has a father who lives less than a mile away, but he is an alcoholic waste of space and never shows the slightest bit of interest in his son, so that is a source of utter fury for me.
Sorry for the self-indulgent whinge. I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment and looking for an outlet to rant. I know it’s not all that relevant so I’m sorry if you’re quietly seething at my post.
I hope your virus bogs off soon and you at least get to enjoy some of the bank holiday weekend. Emojis aren’t labelled for screen readers on here so I’ll just have to offer you a cupper, and a nice glass of wine when you’re better, and @MNHQ sort out your access ability will you. Your site is crap.

:) datun brilliant!

If I get a temp of over 38 c I feel really crappy. I have to actually show dh The temperature to get him to take me seriously that I have flu even then, He just doesn’t believe me. It is because he doesn’t want to believe me as it means he has to step up.

Get well soon Flo.

I agree it's shit. Keep hammering away tho (when you're back on your feet).

I had a little secret smile when DH said 'is it me, or are films getting much more sexist lately?'

Get well soon.

Hugs to you, Bunting. 🌈💐☕️🍰

I'm expected to put myself last, at all times

Don't accept the expectations. Arise from your sick bed a Changed Bunting.

And in the meantime tell him to get his shit together and put fresh sheets on. And DO NOT tell him where the fresh sheets are.

It's shit to feel so unwell and still have to do the mental juggling. I'm sorry you're feeling so sick and uncared for. I hope they see some sort of sense in the shorter rather than longer term.

My heart goes out to you.

There's a saying where I am- men will pat your arse, women will save it.

Have you any Call the Midwife type organised, capable, caring women friend(s) to ask over to regiment and shame the rest of family into some sort of you-centred support?

Idk what your financial situation is but tbh if affordable, I would offer to pay someone if necessary, from the joint account - but hard for you to organise as you are.

I imagine you need some proper you-centred care and attention and not just half-hearted platitudes that are still them-centred. Women are conditioned to put others first mostly, hence why men aren't such good careers as they haven't been obedience trained like us. Get another woman involved to order the chaos and here's wishing you rest and care.

Oh Floral huge hug
Wish I was there to say do you have something to drink? Is there anything you need? Have you taken meds?can i run a bath or shower for you to take while I change the sheets & set out the comfy set of PJs? 😊
I hope you have slept a healing sleep 🌻🌼🌸🌺

the suggestions to tell him and actually require stuff to be done are well noted but having to tell them you need basic things that any normal semi-functional human being should know about and be able to do on their own initiative (like providing fluids, pain meds, thermometer) is an additional mental load and it's so draining when you're ill (and quite tiring in my experience even when you're fine).

Hope you get rest and DP steps up without you having to micromanage.

Earlier this year I was really really sick - 2 weeks in hospital and then when I came home, barely able to walk or wash myself, I developed bells palsy which totally knocked me for six. I could not eat, see or talk properly, and was so weak that I couldn't function at all for about a month. DH was fantastic and totally took care of me, the kids and the house.

However, over the last 20 years there have been many other occasions when I've been laid up for a few days here and there and he was been totally fucking useless. I too have laid in a sweaty bed in pain thinking to myself that I could be dead up here and he wouldnt notice until he came to bed himself. There was one particular time after an operation on my leg and arm that he slept in the spare room so as not to disturb me, but he didnt set the alarm for my pain relief and I couldn't wake him up so had to go downstairs on my bum in the middle of the night to get them.

When the chips were really down and I was very sick he was great, but it had to get to that point for him to step up. You are correct, the level of care I got when I was very sick, everyone else in this house gets when they get a bloody cold.

and and virtual clean sheets sweetheart

Get better first. When you're back on your feet it will be time to worry about a) school shirts and b) how explain to your dp you're a human being just like him.