Open letter from survivors of male violence

Hi, I am from FOVAS. fovas.wordpress.com I have just read your story about being a survivor on the thread about this blog piece and was wondering if we can add it to the survivors stories section of our blog

I am from FOVAS. We are still asking survivors for their stories to add to our blog if any women want to contribute

Chocolatecake84 thanks for the very useful information.

I so hope this gets a lot of traction out there as it such a powerful and moving document.

Just reading the survivors' stories tells everyone why self-id is such a dreadful idea.

One of the stories hit me in the face when I read it. We are all those women in one way or another.

I gave the link to a friend of mine who had stayed in an abusive marriage for 26 years. She was overwhelmed by the way it's been written with such raw truth and courage.

She did manage to leave her marriage (with great difficulty and personal sacrifice) but is only just starting to understand how tightly she was controlled.

She's working very hard not to fall into those patterns again but it's a lifetime's commitment - most men mean well but they cannot understand the dynamics that underpin this all.

It's always my friend who has to analyse her reactions and attempt to change herself, rather than men bothering to look at and change the way they behave and speak and act.

Having seen some of the public comments regarding the Scottish GRA consultation, I really am at a loss to understand why so many charities and institutions that are supposed to protect women and children will not speak out against self-id.

What will it take to get those in positions of power and authority to do something to halt this madness?

Oh I forgot. You can also follow us on Twitter @ twitter.com/FOVAS4

Hi everyone,

I'm one of the admins of the FOVAS blog. I didn't write this letter, it was written by a group of women who have called themselves FOVAS. They are all survivors of abuse and the stories in the letter are theirs.

The letter has been sent out to all the women's organisations in the UK.

The full text of the letter, the survivors stories and the signatures are on the blog. The list of signatures is being updated regularly. Please share the blog widely. Send it to your MPs, talk to your friends, colleagues. Post it on social media. We are hoping the blog will become a wide collection of women’s stories and can be used as a campaigning resource for female only spaces. If anyone would like to submit their story please let me know.

We have a mailing list of all women's organisations in the UK. If anyone would like to view this list in order to email these organisations with your story please let me know.

Women can email from their own email accounts. What I recommend is sending the letter and maybe your own story, like how you would feel with males in your spaces. We are also emailing gyms and clubs and here we think there should be some emphasis on financial repercussions. These places are going to lose profits if they go along with opening up private female-only spaces to men.

If you would like to sign, submit your story, view the mailing list or if you have any questions or comments you can email us at [email protected].

Melanippe

It makes no difference to my adrenal response whether or not the owner of the male voice believes they are not male. Self-ID will reify public space as male space.

Yes. We must fight back.

So sorry Melanippe. Thank you for your courage.

Thank you brilliant women.

Wow, seeing all those names has made me feel quite emotional. We are many.

Melanippe

Self-ID will reify public space as male space.

My dear girl. I know it, you know it, everyone on this thread knows it and all the women on FWR know it.

Never imagine, for single second, that you are not being listened to. You are.

It makes no difference to my adrenal response whether or not the owner of the male voice believes they are not male. Self-ID will reify public space as male space.

This

Mel, thank you. I am so sorry and I HOPE with all my might you and all women are heard now.

, Melanippe.

My signature is on that letter.

I have recently completed EMDR in order to try and stop the absolute fear of male voices raised in anger, of drunken male voices and of men with zero regard for my admittedly large circle of personal space. On the whole it's worked, but even now, hearing a male voice, smelling a male smell in a space that I expect to be male person free causes me enormous anxiety to the extent that I doubt I ill be able to return to certain places again.

It makes no difference to my adrenal response whether or not the owner of the male voice believes they are not male. Self-ID will reify public space as male space.

UpstartCrow: But surely criticising a religion as "bigoted" is very un-woke, is it not? Aren't we supposed to support people's right to a religious identity? Or only up to the point where it clashes with men's rights to be called women?

To sign the letter email here. [email protected].

That the women are often fleeing a life

This is what trans activists demand of every BAME woman when they tell her that her religion is bigoted. they demand that she leave her family, her husband, her children, her religion, her community and her culture. Because when you live within a strict culture, you don't get to pick and choose which parts of your culture or religion you adhere to.

They are causing a large scale fragmentation not just of women's rights, but of our cultures and networks.

And they only attack the women. They never criticise the religions, or the men who demand, expect and enforce compliance.

This story in the footnotes is a very succinct summary of the issues:

“I would ask you to consider why women are oppressed by men. Why they are the object of so much sexual and physical violence. Because it is NOT because we identify as women. The oppression of women is the oppression of a class with shared biological characteristics. We are oppressed with sexual violence because women have vaginas. We are oppressed with domestic violence because biologically, men are physically stronger than women. And men learn to oppress women socially. It isn’t something they are born with a desire to carry out… they are taught by their parents, their peers, their idols, that dominating women is an acceptable – even desirable – behaviour.

Transwomen are socialised as males. They are taught misogyny in the same way that other men are, and the idea that they can escape that socialisation is as ridiculous as the idea that there is a man on this earth who is not, in some way, sexist without intention. Privilege is being blind to the things that do not affect you, or pertain to you, in any way. No, I do not trust transwomen not to assault women. But even if I did, does it matter? I will never trust men, and the proposed changes to the legislation surrounding gender identity will make it easier for men to infiltrate safe spaces for women as women. I’m told that this is not a concern that I should worry about, but how many times have we seen violent men in prisons attempt to identify as women so that they may be transferred to female prisons? It is not a new concept to posit that men pose a threat to female people. It is entirely rational for women to be afraid of males in spaces that are supposed to be safe. And whether or not people are inclined to agree with it that includes natal males who now identify as women. I will not apologise for the fear I feel as a consequence of male behaviour. That is not my burden to bear.“

Stonewall and the like are metaphorically pissing all over women's rights. Their misogyny is so evident. They care only about men's rights to be what they want and to go where they want. There is so much evidence of men's violence against women and virtually none to say that trans women suffer the same. Yet women are the ones that are labelled bigoted while trans women are the real victims. As for a male person's 'right' to work in a refuge- words fail me.

This. I read the letter last night. So powerful.

But I was struck when someone told me they are frequently more like a witness protection programme than anything else you might imagine.

They are exactly like that. And it's practical stuff as well as behavioural rules. No shopping online and getting stuff delivered, for example.

Wow, that is incredibly powerful. Humbling, distressing, infuriating.

I know very little, beyond public knowledge, about rape refuges. But I was struck when someone told me they are frequently more like a witness protection programme than anything else you might imagine.

The concepts of a safe house and complete anonymity, being key.

That the women are often fleeing a life. Not just a person.

I think a lot of these transactivists imagine it's more along the lines of a therapists/police interview room.

I read that moderating one's voice, keeping the tone low and even, not even laughing too loud, not slamming doors, and wearing soft soled shoes so as to minimise footsteps, are all crucial.

The opposite of forceful, loud, domineering, male.

I can't help hoping that the refuges themselves are complicit in this letter. If their funding is being threatened on the basis of them allowing access to men, this letter will only be beneficial for them.

I'm hoping, but I'm not convinced.

What an absolutely disgraceful, unimaginable state of affairs this is.

Hate the organisations that are doing this to women, I mean!! Bastards.

I am so angry with these fucking men who think they can waltz into women's spaces on their say so....spaces that have been FOUGHT tooth and nail for by women FOR women! What kind of fucking man thinks he has the right to treat vulnerable women like this, to cause them more untold distress and then try to turn it around on women being bigoted? Fuck me..for women to have to practically beg women's organisations to keep them safe from rotten men who wish to distress them, it makes me hate them and hate these men.

I hate these men who are doing this to women, especially women who have been victims of male violence. They're sadistic.

And for MPs and women's organisations and retail companies etc to pander to these disgusting men who seek to infiltrate women's spaces...they're equally as evil.

Fucking hell. Why is no one listening? We should have a new #.

#listen to women.

I wrote to my MP, and asked her to pass it to the Minister. I received a letter back from PM, but it was the usual bullshit she has been spouting about being inclusive and the exemptions in the EA, which I said would mean nothing if anyone could be a woman.

My MP seemed more sympathetic, but very vague. Perhaps she is one of the gender critical MPs who fear speaking out. I don't know.

I have cried before work, that is not good. For all those women, we have to make this fucking thing not happen.