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Original poster

Does anyone else struggle to be in a mixed sex relationship whilst holding RadFem politics?

80 replies

NewNameForTodaysPost · 12/08/2018 14:11

Just that really. Sorry for NC. Husband and I have discussed this a lot over the last decade particularly. I’m bisexual and sexually happy in this relationship. Husband is generally in the top quartile (!!? 😉) for being a good man who I like and respect. And love, too. But. My politics find it a hard fit being in a relationship with a man. I will be staying, absolutely, but wondered if anyone else feels this difficulty at times? No worries if not.
No background other than I have identified as a radfem for the last twenty years and am active in voluntary work outside my paid job in womens rights activism. Past paid work in women’s sectors e.g. VAW. It’s hard to not see men through shit coloured lenses at times. Sorry if this offends.

OP posts:
Cartertheunstoppablesexmachine · 12/08/2018 16:36

hungry I could have written your post to the letter, sadly.

However, I think he 'sort of' gets it (despite thinking I'm obsessed/ OTT) and has possibly trans peaked a couple of his male colleagues at work.

I have two sons who 'sort of' get it too but roll their eyes now when I 'go on' I guess it's that male privilege again.

My one in year 8 is at a Stonewall Champion school (yuk) though and is already asking if he should challenge the teacher if they start talking about gender rather than sex.

silentcrow · 12/08/2018 16:25

I can see where you're coming from (also bi with husband who immediately peak transed at the GDA proposals - we have daughters, it wasn't hard). I think it's possible to be exceedingly unhappy about the structure we live in, but also acknowledge that not all men are bastards, as it were. That said, I'm aware that I've always moved in female-dominated employment circles and my perception of men in those sectors is that they tend towards less sexist. I'm often aghast at what other women have to put up with and consider myself quite sheltered by my work structures.

But then, husband knew I was a feminist from the start, he's always been on board with providing "ungendered" opportunities of play and dress to our girls and he's supported my retraining several times. I know he has no problem hiring women in his male-dominated industry, too. His mum always worked and dad had no problem picking up household tasks despite being the manliest man that ever manned. So no major issues at home.

TheCountryGirl · 12/08/2018 15:51

It is difficult at times as they will never see it the way we do. At times DH worries I am launching a personal attack on him when I go full-on Bastard Men on him. I think his main concern is the stress I feel about it all. When we hear about men being evil to women, he can think that men are shit and disgusting to women, and get on with his day. Whereas it just bubbles away inside me.

hungryhippie · 12/08/2018 15:19

I'm a lot more recent to feminism than yourself but yes, it does cause issues sometimes. On some points he really just does not get it.

He gets really annoyed talking about the self ID thing and said that im obsessed with it and he doesn't want to talk about it any more. He reckons it's not such a big deal...

hipsterfun · 12/08/2018 14:49

Being het I have no choice for relationships, it’s being with a man or being alone.

I often tell DP in anger about seeing men, as a class, through what you call a shit-coloured lens. He understands very well why I lose my shit about it all now and again. If he couldn’t see the problems too, we’d have a problem.

Overall, being in a mixed sex relationship with a decent man gives me some hope.