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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why is he crying? Laura Huteson death

284 replies

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 15:39

Laura Huteson death: Hull man killed woman in 'bizarre' sex game www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-45140580

How often hetersexual men die during “risky” sex games because I can’t think of one case from the news? I know that sadly happens in same sex couples/ participants (can think of a couple examples from the news) but in hetero? It seems it tends to be women who love being throttled, punched, tied up, brutalised.

What does it mean he did not intend that to happen. What did he think would happen.

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DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 23:00

Thanks Lang. I wasn’t sure I wanted to google it. Wow, 10 years back, eh. So could have that been used that if your child was bugging you? Or adult brother or mother? Or just female partners? Hmm

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WaddIelikeapenguin · 10/08/2018 22:55

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden Flowers

Your post is valuable

LangCleg · 10/08/2018 22:50

DrinkFeckArseGirls - the proper term was provocation defence, popularly known as nagging and shagging. It only got changed ten years ago. Until then, men who killed their wives and girlfriends used it to get their charges reduced from murder to manslaughter.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/jul/29/law.ukcrime

This is what I'm saying about this case. If pornsick men are going to be killing women left right and centre because they're acting out PornHub's top ten, we've got to legislate that sex games gone wrong is not a defence if it's obviously reckless with the life of a partner. Then we'd start getting murder charges instead of manslaughter charges.

LangCleg · 10/08/2018 22:45

It looks very straightforward and in the face of such an appalling low sentence it would be worth many of us dong this.

The thing is, the sentence isn't that low for manslaughter. The median sentence in 2017 was 8 years. And sentences are getting longer: the median for manslaughter was 5 years in 2007. For the crime charged, the sentence isn't egregious.

I think the question is - how could anyone credit no intent to kill (given Bowl's remarks on this thread) and how was this charging decision arrived at?

Piccolino2 · 10/08/2018 22:43

I feel helpless. I read about these things and have 2 young daughters. Babies. In 20 years time is some bastard going to harm or kill them because he's been watching porn and wants to act it out? Is our society that sick that this is normal now? How can anyone say that porn is harmless? Are women just there to be used and abused? Is that what society thinks? I guess so.

I feel SO SO angry about all of this and yet don't know what to do, so I do nothing. It's like it's all too much. I get appalled and angry and then livid and then I have to step back because I want to scream but who do I scream to? Sometime I just cannot take any more of this absolute shit. Manslaughter for murdering (at the very least) a young woman. I absolutely cannot imagine what their families go through. And he has the audacity to cry tears for himself. I feel sick to think about it.

LangCleg · 10/08/2018 22:37

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden - I'm sorry you got caught up with a man like that. Flowers

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 22:32

“Nagging and shagging” is that a legal term?!

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Ereshkigal · 10/08/2018 22:26

WTAF? That's disgusting.

failingatlife · 10/08/2018 22:22

I am sickened at this story. As the mother of teens I am terrified for my daughter & worried what horrible examples of masculinity my sons are seeing all around them. That poor woman, her family must be devestatedFlowers

TatianaLarina · 10/08/2018 22:17

Men have always been ‘allowed’ to kill women.

Until recently domestic abusers could use the ‘nagging and shagging’ defence if they ‘accidentally’ killed their partner.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 22:01

Thanks womanspeaking - I’ll fill this in!

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ToeToToe · 10/08/2018 21:58

We women are literally seen as the dregs of society. Something t be sexually exploited, sexually abused and it doesn't matter. It can be explained away, and believed by the survivor of the incident.

I am SICK OF THIS.

Me & my daughter are fucking expendable. If some fucker, in 10yrs time decides that he will have sex with my DD and then stab her in the fucking neck - he'll get off on some fucking manslaughter charge. FUCK THAT, YOU FUCKING BASTARDS.

ToeToToe · 10/08/2018 21:54

I fear for my daughter.

Has online porn really changed us all so much that this stuff is normal and mainstream?

Seriously, this was not a thing when I was at university in the late 80s/early 90s. We were still discussing about "when" to have sex with a guy then - ie first date, third date etc.

This is seriously concerning. Violence against women (it's always against women) has become mainstream - where a court accepts that A WOMAN STABBED IN THE NECK somehow CONSENTED ?! WTAF. What the fuck is going on.

I'm appalled.

MagicalRealist · 10/08/2018 21:46

From the mirror article:

Ms Huteson, the court heard, said Gaskell had strangled her during sex, but she had “safe-worded” him to get him to stop.

She couldn’t breathe and she didn’t think he would stop, but he did.

How do you utter a ‘safe’ word if you’re being strangled and you can’t breathe? That’s not meant facetiously although maybe it’s slightly off topic. That just jumped out at me from the article as quite alarming in itself.

womanspeaking · 10/08/2018 21:40

Here you are everyone, members of the public can appeal a low sentence:
www.gov.uk/ask-crown-court-sentence-review

It looks very straightforward and in the face of such an appalling low sentence it would be worth many of us dong this.

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 10/08/2018 21:28

Yeah, he drives a public bus. Sometimes I have to catch it, if I miss my early one, and he winks at me, as though we had a bit of cheeky consensual fun 'back in the day'. If I know he's on that bus I walk the five miles to work! Good for the diet eh.

Datun · 10/08/2018 21:26

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden

How awful. He's working in town? That's got to be hard. Flowers

Popchyk · 10/08/2018 21:22

Oh God Lagertha.

That is so chilling. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Piccolino2 · 10/08/2018 21:21

This is so so awful. These poor women and their families. What an utter disgrace. I know nothing of this case but the article posted above but I just cannot see firstly, how she would be been in a position to even consent given that drink and drugs were involved and secondly that any woman would consent to rough knife play with a man she just met.

This was murder, and probably rape. I feel absolutely sickened and porn is the driving force here.

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 10/08/2018 21:20

Sorry, my post serves no purpose. It just touched a nerve, plus Wine made me do it...

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 10/08/2018 21:18

I knew a man like this. When I was 16 I had a 'boyfriend' who was 28. Initially, I lied and said I was 20 but after a week or two I admitted I was 16. Lucky me, he wasn't bothered! He kept a serrated edge hunting knife under his pillow. He told me it was for protection. I was 16, what did I know? He held it against my throat the first time we had sex, and every time after. He later went to prison for 'accidentally' slashing a girl's chest and arms during "enthusiastic rough sex". He got 3 years and was out after just under 2. He now drives a bus in town. Men can do no wrong.

FuckingHateRain · 10/08/2018 21:05

Couple of issues here:
a) not sure how legally acceptable it is to accept someone's consent when high in drugs ! You saw that guy on SkyNews who was high on Monkey Dust? How can he give consent on anything

b) Justice system in England was, is and will always be shit! If this happened in Greece the chap would be given life twice, now he ll be out in couple of years. Judges just want an excuse to no the lock him in, he knows pretty well that was murder , but like anything else in this country it's not serious enough for life sentence .. disgusting system in a developed country

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 20:56

It jd - It would have...

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ChattyLion · 10/08/2018 20:55

Lang agree something has to change.

I don’t know enough about the legal system to suggest strategies but might it be worth raising the low sentences and worrying interpretations by judges of women’s sexual consent (not that we are really safe to assume there ^was* consent), with MPs?

Either by writing directly to our own MPs and others,
or via women and equalities select committee (but they are not currently active on sexual violence),
or via the All party parliamentary group on Sexual violence rapecrisis.org.uk/all-party-parliamentary-group-appg-on-sexual-violence to ask them to look into sentencing in these cases?

There’s also this organisation:
www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk
@SentencingCCL

Sentencing Council for England & Wales ‘promotes greater transparency and consistency in sentencing’ without interfering with judicial independence.

They could be asked to look into the transparency of how judges seem to come to these violently misogynistic conclusions..?

How much of this IS transparent sentencing and justifiable based on evidence..?

Or how much is judges minimising the impact on perpetrators so as reflect and uphold their own prejudices around male sexual privilege and acting to punish female sexual consent- because a ‘good’ woman would never really consent to sex?
So anyone who says ‘yes’ is taking her chances and if things go wrong, well.. that’s on her.

Hopefully someone who knows the legal system could suggest ideas. I can’t stand the idea that men can get away with such low sentences for this. hopefully there is someone relevant to object to.

Judges need educating by women’s groups and psychologists on this shit urgently- these types of cases can only increase. increasing numbers of young people are being raised with access to violent porn and will grow up thinking all these extreme things are normal and something you can just try out on another person..

not to mention all the adults already into it who are now getting ever easier access and validation and normalisation for this horrific dangerous stuff.

SirVixofVixHall · 10/08/2018 20:55

I started posting but I have no words. I feel too upset.

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