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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

DD2s ‘friends’ have decided she’s trans

83 replies

MaitlandGirl · 05/08/2018 04:44

She’s not - she wears trousers to school as it’s winter and too cold to leave the house at 7am in a skirt, doesn’t wear make up as she has stress induced excema on her face, ties her hair up in a ‘man bun’ as it’s ridiculously out of control otherwise and wears Dr Martens as it’s too cold to wear her converse.

All of these examples have lead her supposedly pro-feminist ‘friends’ to decide she’s trans and when she tried to put them right they decided she was in denial and reported her to the pastoral team at school for urgent counselling.

I’ve spent her entire life telling her that being a woman doesn’t mean she has to follow the societal norm and slap on the makeup, have straightened/highlighted hair and wear skirts half way up her thighs and now, because of the strong pro-trans movement across social media, she’s again being told she’s not a ‘real’ woman.

OP posts:
MaitlandGirl · 05/08/2018 07:01

I feel as if I’ve been at the school every week this year for various reasons and as she’s only got a few weeks to go she doesn’t want me to create more fuss.

The counselor was great and asked her if there was anything DD2 wanted to talk to her about and happily accept d that the only issue DD2 has is generalised worry and anxiety about her HSC and whether she’d get onto her degree course next year.

Her ‘friends’ seem so desperate for DD2 to be trans - they say things like “you can tell us, we’ll still love you” and “it’s ok to be trans you know”. They also want her to join the LGBT group at school, which she did but as an ally as I’m bi and I’m marrying my female partner next year.

I feel awful for her as all I get from what her friends are saying is ‘you’re not good enough’ and who she is as a person isn’t enough of a young woman.

Sometimes I really hate other people’s teenagers.

OP posts:
RabbitsAreTasty · 05/08/2018 06:48

That it is straightforward bullying.

It is shaming her for not conforming. "You are totally a man Amanda "

I would complain to the school. Make sure they stamp on it.

TransplantsArePlants · 05/08/2018 05:48

And yes - if they are repeatedly saying the same ridiculous/critical things to her, which they know annoy or upset her - they are bullying her

ICJump · 05/08/2018 05:44

Gosh DMs make you trans? I better tell my 14 year old self.

I feel sorry your daughter is being bullied. Because that’s what’s happening her friends are bullying her. Can you talk to the school?

LazyTuesdayAfternoon · 05/08/2018 05:39

I think this sort of thing is what will eventually break down this current nonsense.

TransplantsArePlants · 05/08/2018 05:34

I would try getting her to take the piss a bit. Tell them her mum wears trousers all the time - is she trans too?

DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 05/08/2018 05:06

When did our gender roles narrow so much that ordinary clothes define our personhood?

I'm wearing jodphurs, boots and a hoody today. I wear jeans and boots most days; it's been months since I wore a skirt. I often have my hair tied up in a bun. Yet, in the words of Sojourner Truth, am I not a woman too?

When I was young my mum told me I walked like a farmer because I liked to stride about, there was nothing delicate about my steps. Now I have some acreage to stride about in, I'm grateful for my length of stride. But even in muddy gumboots, I'm still a woman.

I am sorry for the pressure young girls face to fit in to some conventional idea of femininity. And I'd be so angry with her friends, except that they're only playing out the nonsense they see on social media.

You are doing a good job, teaching her that being a woman is not about appearance.

There's a really good thread on here within the last couple of weeks called, I think, "Brilliant woman", which had lots of examples of women going their own way and doing their own thing, in the face of conventions. Maybe your daughter might find their stories encouraging.

Women have pretty much always worked and had to wear practical clothes to work in. The rise of the über feminine ideal is, I think, and expression of cultural anxiety, and as such, neither real nor stable (I hope).

Your daughter sounds like an excellent and sensible young person. Long may she stomp in her RMs.

thebewilderness · 05/08/2018 04:53

I hope they are able to do something about the children and adults who are harassing anyone who fails to comply with their rigid sex stereotypes.
I guess at this point we can just hope that the adults recognize the children are being harassed for failure to comply with sex role stereotypes.