Daughter with ROGD - issues with school

What is a "trans identity"? How many of these children have been told that it's possible to change sex, by pressure groups which have been given access to schools? The schools should not be allowing this.

What the hell is this bullshit that a parent's job is to entirely affirm and not challenge their children? I dread to think what kind of coddled brats are being raised by people pushing that rubbish.

Our kids see the world in a naive and childish way. They often make the wrong assumptions. If all you do as a parent is smile angelically and say "Yes, my love, whatever makes you happy", I'm going out on a limb and saying - you are a bad parent.

The OP and others who have posted about helping their children with ROGD are not bad parents. The creeps attempting to shame them into submission, well...

I read Snappity's posts at the beginning of this thread and then read this

Your child is your child, the same child you've always known. Total strangers who claim to know your child better than you do despite never having interacted with the child in any way should be viewed with extreme caution. That is safeguarding.

And suddenly things clicked into place. Snappity telling a poster that her daughter might not feel 'safe' at home unless that poster does what Snappity says to do. Implying suicide stats again, throwing around the words 'safeguarding issues' with regards to being in their own home and away from school for the holidays......

If this is what someone is telling a parent on MN where a load of people can totally see through the bullshit, then what the hell are teens being told online elsewhere?

It's worrying that trans issues are being led by TRAs and we are told that official medical "wait and see" advice is transphobic. Why is anyone going along with this?

If you are referring to me, please do no refer to me as a TRA.

I am not saying watch and wait is transphobic - I am recommending it, but watch and wait but watch and wait means that a trans identity should be accommodated and respected - that's the watch part.

There was a stage when I wanted either leftover pizza or chicken nuggets for breakfast every day. Was my mother being cruel and failing to affirm me by rolling her eyes and offering me cereal and fruit instead?

hoggirl

I hope you havnt been 'frightened off' and that the summer goes well

"Ignore commenter" function - if people who do consistently goad and post misinformation are to be allowed to continue to post it would be great if HQ could provide us with an option more efficient than having to scroll past their latest wall of rhetoric.

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

If it’s a choice over karate vs a trip to the rock climbing wall every week then yes, that’s the sort of thing they should have input and control over.

If it’s wanting chocolate for breakfast as my toddler requests every single morning it’s no. Because I have a duty of care to him.

If it’s a massive something that will have a physical, mental and in future sexual and reproductive impact on them, then they’re too young to make that call. I would listen, and I would explore, but I would not blindly affirm.

I do ignore some posters posts on here...as they are drivel...but not yours

"Hysterical" is such a nasty sexist term, it would be great if people could refrain from using it in a feminist space.

truthwillwin

You are coming over fine, im not sure where the hysterical comes in

You sound passionate and i, for one, and reading every word

And just ignore the poster who shouldnt be named, they never answer any questions and its not worth your time

It's worse than that, we're having the advice quoted and then being told it means something other than what it means. This is not the first time that's happened.

And to cap it all, who is it intervening in the self diagnosis of gender dysphoria of our children? Not a psychiatrist, not a child psychologist, not the GIDS at the Tavistock. No - it's a school whose depth of understanding reaches to an afternoons training from a campaign group. Well meaning perhaps but reckless.

I wonder how MNHQ would handle a thread from a mother of an anorexic teen, if there was an influx of pro-ana posters?
Surely they would have a duty of care from rogue and dangerous advice?

It's worrying that trans issues are being led by TRAs and we are told that official medical "wait and see" advice is transphobic. Why is anyone going along with this?

A pro-ana poster giving advice to a worried parent on MN would have their posts deleted. If they persisted in an aggressive manner they would be banned.
Seems that TRAs can post what they want even though it's highly concerning.

Truth I wasn’t referring to you. You obviously have direct experience of what this parent is going through and actively want to help, rather than using her life as a means of pushing your own agenda.

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

Would you say that about a skinny child with anorexia who was refusing to eat?

Did you explain to your child that it's not possible to change sex, Thatjourno?

You talk about abuse, but the only abuse I can see is coming from the people who tell children that they can change sex, and that certain behaviours and clothes are for one sex only. The school is being abusive, not the OP.

Hugs truthwill

Just ignore that snappity. Some sort of agenda goin* on there

OP, please don't be put off posting by all the thinly veiled threats and attempts to shame you into compliance. You know what's best for your child because you're the one who knows your child best. If you need to talk things through we're here listening. It would be great if it was possible to block commenters who're actively unhelpful, but since it isn't maybe giving the scroll button a good workout is the best solution for now.

Firstly, for Truthwillwin. I hear your anguish. You go ahead and post how you feel. We understand. We hear you.

Secondly, for the OP too and I hope you haven't withdrawn from the thread although I'd understand if you have.

Thirdly, this thread is an absolute disgrace. The OP has posted with a specific support/advice request. She has a child presenting with ROGD. She has researched. She has found a suitable therapist for her child. She has made a care plan. She is monitoring her child's welfare. She is clearly a loving and responsible parent.

All she wants is advice or experience from other parents whose child is at a school that refuses to cooperate with the care plan established by a loving and responsible parent.

It is disgraceful to accuse her of being a safeguarding risk. The safeguarding risk here is the school, which is refusing to act on Working Together To Safeguard Children principles. The school should be working with the child's parents and therapist as a team. That is what safeguarding is. That is what all the safeguarding threads hereabout have been about. Shame on anyone trying to subvert safeguarding practices and shame on anyone DARVOing this mother.

So if anybody has advice about how to deal with a school that refuses to work with a parent with a care plan and a therapist for their child, please post it. Everyone else: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

The right to personal integrity and identity is an human right. The OP's child is entitled to that too. That is the point about human rights - we do not get to choose who has them and who doesn't.

Human rights do not extend to forcing everyone to participate in a mass delusion. That is ludicrous.

If you believe you are a dinosaur, I am not trampling on your rights or denying them by refusing to acknowledge that. If you believe you are a dinosaur and you have a right to go around eating children, I have every bloody right to draw a boundary and say 'no fucking way.'

Truthwillwin I don't think you are 'hysterical.'

I think you're coming from a place of extreme worry and concern about your child. Witnessing someone here being so determined to trans other children must be gut-wrenching for you. I think it's pretty powerful seeing your response to that because it shows that society is getting this issue very wrong right now (affirming vulnerable children who are at worst being groomed and pushing them down a path towards being physically mutilated) You clearly feel pretty out of control and scared. I would too - I don't have children but I can still say that.

I would just say that Snappity has distressed a lot of people here and to be blunt it's dismaying she is still welcome here to upset more people. There really isn't much point engaging with her because due to her real life set up she isn't going to be anything other than rigid in her views. These include the fact that transwomen are infertile women (even when they've fathered children) btw.

I hope you get there with your child and they fully desist before too long.

When I was a teenager I wanted to take lots of recreational chemicals. My parents did not say "of course, darling, let's go buy you some cocaine together". As an older teen their ability to prevent me from pursuing said chemicals was of course more limited than it would have been for a younger child, but I really don't see any way in which positive affirmation would have been in my best interests, or in which withholding it could be considered abusive.

Also any worried parents feeling a moment of panic as a result of skimming Snappity's latest comment - don't worry, if you read closely it becomes clear that as is often the case the citation provided does not actually say what the person citing it wants you to think that it does.

Whether the person in question is simply incapable of interpreting anything cogently or deliberately distorting the truth I'm not sure matters at this point - their behavior towards parents concerned for their children on this forum is completely unacceptable, and I believe that their ability to post here should be removed for that reason. Mumsnet should not be functioning as a space where mothers who create threads asking for help are bullied and threatened.

What ever happened to supporting their child? We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off

And the clear indication in this case from the OP is that where the child can freely express a choice at school, he is seeking a male identity at present. That should be respected. It would be wrong to promote anything medical unless the child himself asked for it, but it is equally wrong to disrespect that male identity. The child leads the way. That's watch and wait that usually everyone on FWR claims to support and the question is why, on this thread, are so many posters suggesting something other than watch and wait? I am worried that some people might have come to believe that watch and wait means doing nothing until 16 or 18 and ignoring any trans identity a child declares ie all the emphasis on "wait". But if a child wants to experiment with a male or female identity, watch and wait says that should be accommodated - "watch" is the other limb of watch and wait and is just as important as the wait.

LemonJello.
There are real kids involved. This is why I am posting. This is not a game and our kids are not pawns. I realise some of you won’t understand but if I don’t speak out you may think that this is actually ok. This might be your child or grandchild. Remember when parents said I would never let my kids do this or I’m ok if my child does this and then they did it. Were you on board ? It’s easy to say what you would do when it hasn’t hit you.
For the OP. I hope you can work this out. Whatever you decide is your prerogative. I just want you to know that there are plenty parents who disagree with the trans narrative and if you disagree you are no way abusive. If you do agree that ok too. As long as you as a family can cope. I disagree. I’m allowed to feel this way too. I think you have 2 options.
If you affirm Metmaids is probably the best place for you as they will tell you u are right etc.
If you are questioning the th Gender Criticsl Support board helps you see a different perspective I am obviously gender critical so my view will not help if you feel the need to affirm
I hope you can find a resolution

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

Yeah, but you forgot the other half of that which is also to protect children from the consequences of decisions they aren't yet mature enough to understand.

I see that the other Snappity is posting now. The one with the links and the evidence

Wishing you all strength, who are dealing with this