Daughter with ROGD - issues with school

But first maybe insist on a meeting in the week before school begins? You could put together a dossier of information to support your approach (letter from GP and counsellor, legal info, info about watch and wait etc). Consider taking legal advice and possibly a solicitor's letter formally stating that the school is going against the recommended approach for your DC and that you do not consent to this. Approach the governors.

This is excellent advice, OP.

You may also find some helpful information in the statutory guidance, especially with regard to online exploitation: www.gov.uk/government/publications/working-together-to-safeguard-children--2

We should be listening to what our children want to do and make our decisions based off that.

Good Lord. That explains a lot.

If the likes of snappity and thatjourno are the recipients of the 'spoilt brat' school of child rearing, little wonder that they struggle to understand others' boundaries.

Any parent who posts for advice on a parenting forum is already demonstrating the correct responsibility in terms of raising children.

truthwillwin

Please either try and ignore these posters, or at least understand their agenda. Snappity's sole job is to get people banned. They say the most outrageous, ridiculous, hurtful things so people react unguardedly.

There is a lot of talk online from TRAs who need to reduce the number of gender critical women who are speaking about this. It's vital.

Snappity's agenda is mply demonstrated by this quite laughable statement.

find it is something unresolved in their make up which they need to explore and understand. The Trans Widows thread shows how damaging and disruptive that can be later in life.

Snappity is talking about abusive, gaslighting men with a sexual fetish that has ruined the lives of their wives and children. But seeing through the lens of the men, rather than the women who have been abused by them.

It's also incredibly sinister for adults to constantly reiterate that we should be listening to our children and what they want. Children who are being groomed online by adults.

snappity, your idea about children 'exploring their identity'? The language you use sounds disturbing. This is not about trying out a new hairstyle, or wondering about whether to be a musician or a sports person.

It's about whether, ultimately, you will be rendering a child infertile, with no sex life, and on medication for the rest of their lives. Or, alternatively, creating a whole swathe of people who become legal adults, with the genitalia of children.

This is a parenting website. These women are mothers. You have absolutely no bloody idea who you are taking on here.

Women, who understand exactly why ten girls come out simultaneously at school. And no, it's not because of something in the bloody water.

safeguarding guidelines specifically caution against doing anything that replicates that dynamic even if you have the best of intentions because doing so makes things easier for those whose intentions are less good.

Indeed. So people in a position of trust can never promise non disclosure.

Sorry Op - didn't mean to derail. I think your approach is correct. Good luck.

Sounds like 6 weeks away from school will be no bad thing.
I would also be requesting a meeting with the school asap at the start of term to insist they follow the care plan which has been put forward by medical professionals as the best way to proceed.
Can you stop/reduce time online so your child has time to think and reflect. Maybe the headspace of the holidays will be good for all of you.

OP if the school absolutely will not cooperate with the care plan for your child I would consider removing them from the school. However good it is.

But first maybe insist on a meeting in the week before school begins? You could put together a dossier of information to support your approach (letter from GP and counsellor, legal info, info about watch and wait etc). Consider taking legal advice and possibly a solicitor's letter formally stating that the school is going against the recommended approach for your DC and that you do not consent to this. Approach the governors.

Good luck. You sound like a fantastic parent.

Snappity your contributions on this thread are some of the most disturbing I have ever seen on this topic.

safeguarding guidelines specifically caution against doing anything that replicates that dynamic even if you have the best of intentions because doing so makes things easier for those whose intentions are less good.

This!

Grooming often involves convincing a child that the person doing the grooming understands them better than their parents do and has their best interests more at heart. Now, I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but I am saying that safeguarding guidelines specifically caution against doing anything that replicates that dynamic even if you have the best of intentions because doing so makes things easier for those whose intentions are less good.

Given that so many children change their minds, and that the drugs involved have so many terrifying side effects, no to mention the prospect of surgery to remove healthy body parts, breastbinding and its harmful effects on breast tissue, etc -
*Why would any adult not advise caution?
Why are you so keen to see children propelled down this route before they are even old enough to drink?

But allowing a child to explore their gender identity with support from parents is the cautious approach because it allows parents to collaborate in the exploration through open-minded discussion.

If a parent won't accept a gender identity then isn't a child less likely to want to have free and frank discussions with the parent? When you were a child, if your parents said no to something you thought was right, didn't that make you more determined to do it, not less?

snappity I’ve reported you to MNHQ, yr being offensive & unhelpful. I for one will never engage with you again in these discussions as you don’t answer questions when asked, (ie are you a mum, do you have children?) you don’t respect boundaries & seem to have nothing helpful to contribute- you just enjoy provoking people. Very sad individual that you are.

There's a great deal of discussion and resources being made available this week.
Twitter hashtag #ROGDWEEK2018

Current thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3315676-ROGDWEEK2018

So what is going to happen over the summer? We have a young person who has found respite by having his gender identity affirmed at school who, for the next six or seven weeks, is going to be deprived of that. Am I the only one concerned for his welfare?

This from the first page from Snappity. Like I said, this is the gaslighting horseshit that people are coming out with on MN of all places, I dread to think what is being said to teens online.

There clearly are people who are very dysphoric but careful screening and talk therapy was the standard protocol. Now this is not allowed. It’s just affirm, affirm and more. Any social moves regarding pronouns and name changing is the gateway to hormones and surgery because once your child is caught up in this they are Bullied to the next stage. Trust me. This happens. My child first said it was no big deal and only thinking this to a trans binge on line and a month later requesting puberty blockers. Now my child thinks he will die if he doesn’t be his true authentic self.

Such a clear example of ROGD

This is an interview with Stephanie Davis Arai (founder of Transgender Trend). Its a long discussion and nuanced.

Pronouns. It's all about fucking pronouns isn't it? Like if you can get parents to at least call their child by a certain pronoun (which incidentally has fuck all to do with their gender identity because pronouns denote the sex of someone but hey ho) then it's some kind of 'gotcha', some kind of little win over the parents.

Snappity, you came on this thread and immediately started referring to the OPs daughter as 'he' with barely any information about the situation. Do you not see anything wrong with that?

Anything you can do, OP, in the off chance you are still reading, to try to get your DC out of their head and into the world where ‘gender’ isn’t everything, could be very helpful.

Actual helpful advice! We may be able to re-rail this thread yet.

Best thing you can do is get your child off the internet and out of their current obsessive headspace for a while, OP. The summer holidays are a great time to do that. Take trips together if you can get the time away from work/other responsibilities, go for long walks, laze around in the garden soaking up the sun while it last. Try to shift the balance from screen time to real world interaction with a wide range of people.

This mother has not asked for ideological advice. This mother has established a care plan for her child, engaged a therapist and is carefully monitoring the child's welfare. She has asked for advice on how to deal with a school that is refusing to co-operate with that care plan.

This is not the thread to have a gender religion vs gender critical ideological battle. This is a support thread for a mother with a very specific issue. This all delineated with absolute clarity in the OP.

I've read some shitty things on here but accusing this mother of being a safeguarding risk to her own child really does have to take the world's entire supply of biscuits.

Children come up with a lot of daft things. Parenting includes not indulging them.

What are the many aspects of sex that can be changed?

Genuine question for Snappity.
Given that so many children change their minds, and that the drugs involved have so many terrifying side effects, no to mention the prospect of surgery to remove healthy body parts, breastbinding and its harmful effects on breast tissue, etc -
Why would any adult not advise caution?
Why are you so keen to see children propelled down this route before they are even old enough to drink?

Silly Eresh, mums aren't allowed to say "no", they're women!

Also I have to point out that Lang has very clearly asked Snappity not to engage with her further multiple times, including asking not to be directly quoted as that's obviously intended to provoke a direct response, and that boundary is still not being respected.

This is not cautious. The op is rightly terrified that their child will be put in the position where it is more difficult to change their mind, as we know so many children do.

It is wrong, I think, to ascribe a view on that to the OP.

But taking the point in generality, isn't the key to accept the gender identity a child puts forward quickly, completely and without any fuss while saying that if s/he changes his/her gender identity in future that will also be accepted immediately, completely without any fuss. Doesn't the acceptance of the first expression of a gender identity give a child confidence that anything will always be accepted?

Isn't the danger if a child comes to believe that a parent won't be flexible? Isn't that what might build in a fear of de-transition because the child doesn't want the same fuss and objections they encountered in the past?

I think minimising and/or stopping the internet working over the summer is a very good idea. It is certainly not ‘abuse’ - and it doesn’t need to be framed as a ‘punishment’ - but as something you do as a caring parent which would be the same as not letting children just eat cereal all day (I say as DS watches tv and I Mumsnet). The social contagion element of this seems huge to me. Anything you can do, OP, in the off chance you are still reading, to try to get your DC out of their head and into the world where ‘gender’ isn’t everything, could be very helpful.

Except it seems in terms of things like gender pronouns.

Recent thread re gender pronouns on FWR board.

OP Snappity wrote:
"The Talk Guidelines have done little to improve things. The majority of threads are about trans matters and very few, if any, positive. Misgendering is increasingly rife. "They" for a trans woman is as bad as "he".

Even the sex of trans women with female birth certificates is not respected.

There is post after post that trans women are not women and that sex is biological and cannot be changed (totally ignoring that many aspects of sex can be changed).

Then increasingly material from elsewhere which is anti-trans is being linked.

While individual comments are fair enough, the sheer volume means that FWR is a thoroughly unpleasant place for the majority of trans people and those of us who have trans family members."

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3305954-FWR-more-unpleasant-than-ever

Of course it is, Eresh. In a rational world (and not Planet Snappity)