Daughter with ROGD - issues with school

OP - I hope you've found at least some helpful advice here. Do check out the forum I mentioned earlier upthread. I think it very likely some of the parents there will have advice about how to deal with things if the school will not work with you and your care plan for your child.

You've found a suitable therapist; you've researched the issue; you're monitoring welfare. You sound like a wonderful parent to me.

And clearly the school have no safeguarding concerns about you otherwise they would have made a referral themselves. This is glaringly obvious.

Sometimes, TRA posters just make me sigh and roll my eyes. Other times, their posts just have me spitting feathers at the nasty insinuations and accusations. To come on a thread from a concerned parent and attempt to throw around veiled threats if the parent doesn't acquiesce to the TRA machine is truly, truly despicable.

OP, I've said before, just keep those lines of communication open. Affirm her personality, keep being very clear that there is nothing wrong with her changing body, make sure she knows you are her strongest advocate. And yes, tbh, a dead internet connection won't hurt at all.

Hope OP that you have found some of this helpful? Some of the links will take you to communities of parents struggling with this. The advice about restricting the internet is very wise as is the suggestion to do as much as is possible with your child during the summer.
Ensuring that she sees herself as a multi faceted person with interests, passions, hobbies, an important member of the family etc. One of the saddest aspects of this explosion in young people 'adopting' this lifestyle (apart from the damage to their bodies) is that this issue becomes their reason for being. They become known and "celebrated" for being trans - not for being a team player, a singer, a best friend, a swimmer, a prefect, brilliant at Maths, a loved big sister etc etc. Keeping her rooted in her family, her friends and her community will give her support as she navigates her way through these issues.

Just to be clear, the teacher thought the basketball jersey was a dress and put the parents and child throught hell over their mistake.

The problem is the school railroading the child, fer crying out loud.
The parents are doing the right thing.
The school is not.
What recourse do parents have when a school teacher tells the parent that their child is transgender and they must affirm it or they will be turned over to child services? I am reminded of the little boy who drew themselves in a basketball jersey complete with number of his favorite player.
It is the teachers and administrators that need to be investigated by child protection services.

snappity where have you gone? Care to back up your viewpoint?
We have a group of honest caring individuals here & you are you are so transparent we all see through you....
There are honest transsexuals who post on MN whose views are respected, am not so sure where yr coming from....

Fantastic there are 6 weeks now before this school gets an input.

No Internet none. If necessary use your 4G and don't give her the password.

Go to your parents/sisters by rotation. No contact with friends.

By all means allow contact with young people. But something is wrong.

Keep busy with activities that allow nonstandard gender expression. Find girls tai kwondo groups, girls rugby, girls physics.

Watch films about proper female lesbians and discuss

tbh I think this is bloody good advise for all young people

As little social media, and internet time as you can possibly manage over the summer as well. Lots of 1:1 time, positive activities (take her rock climbing/swimming/whatever she’s into.)

Neither male or female will ever define her.

That is totally true for all of us I feel, and is a very good thing for young people to learn. I totally agree Sarah. gender is only a part of a young person's identity and does not define who they are solely we have to let. them develop independently in all aspects of there lives with support and guidance.

Your child is your child, the same child you've always known. Total strangers who claim to know your child better than you do despite never having interacted with the child in any way should be viewed with extreme caution. That is safeguarding.

also this is not a safeguarding issue around the family, though I do hope that you are all able to work through this together. Also there are other parents groups out there but they do tend to be very local but when I have spoken at them they have tended to represent all views and have supported and questioned things. I have only ever. meet one parent who already had an agenda and was not willing to listen to others experiances or that of there own child, so I hope that is a rare occurance.

"Who they are"

Male or female is not "Who they are" I am not a female stereotype. My dd is not a male stereotype. She is Alex. Alex is unique. Neither male or female will ever define her.

This isn't aimed at you op but there is so much we can do to support our children's own unique identity without enforcing gender stereotypes. Let them see themselves as unique through our eyes of love and unconditional acceptance. Let them establish their interests and know they are good by the interest we take in them. Let them play with different styles of clothing and receive our support for their choices. Let them know that there are many different ways to do life and the best way is to do it with love and to be outward looking.

watchful waiting does not mean do nothing and offer no support if the young person requests people use preferred pronouns then by doing so you are providing them a safe environment to see. if that fits who they are if it's not then they will soon drop them. always doing this while having a open and honest discussion around there request for this and how they see it and how they feel about it. I genuinely agree that other possibilities can be discussed with young people and I feel that is a good thing if approached in a way that is not. telling the young person that there is a right answer to this but that it may be wider then they have considered and that as a family that you can about this openly.

I think if a child feels unsafe in his or her home because of use of she instead of he is this really a safeguarding issue in relation to the parent or an issue concerning the childs mental health which might be the cause of their gender dysphoria. Colluding with this could actually reinforce the childs belief they are trans. Again op think about what is trans anyway, in girls it seems to be confusion or rejection over lesbianism or stereotyped femininity, what it most defintely isnt is a female or male brain in the opposite sex body. Posters like snappity only have a trans agenda to push so best to ignore. There are plenty of trans posters who will give a more balanced and honest viewpoint

Op the other thing to be alert to is sexuality. Young people who begin to think they may be gay sometimes reflect on assumptions their parents make about how their lives will pan out and assume they will be disappointed if they come out as gay. Another thing I did with my dd was to ask what her friends say about homosexuality (turns out she was being exposed to homophobia and I wasn't aware), seek out some lesbian role models and start to drop in "if you get married, do you think your husband or wife will..."

Snappity please could you link to some peer reviewed articles which show that affirmation is positive and helpful as opposed to watching and waiting? You repeatedly state (as do others) that affirmation is necessary for wellbeing but where is the evidence base behind this?

OP watchful waiting is the scientifically recommended course of action. 80% of girls who identify as trans grown out of this once puberty is complete. Don’t be worried by the hyped up and false suicide stats either though do keep an eye on her mental health. The best thing is to get her off the internet and away from all the grooming on here.

It would be great if commenters could avoid attacking and threatening the OP on a support thread.

Hoggirl 4thwavenow.com/ is a site full of parents who've been in the situation you're in and might be helpful (though it's US based).

Children get their sense of self from their environment. If they are at a vulnerable state of development and have an alternative pronoun used and reinforced in multiple settings, they will be inclined to believe that it is the right one for them, even if they are otherwise unsure, especially if it is their nearest and dearest using it.

OP you can see how blinkered a person like snappity is, & we are on a forum of mainly concerned Mums-this is why you need to try & be part of yr daughters online world & counter the narrative that transitioning is the best way forward. Spend some time on YouTube watching what she might be exposed to & you’ll see what I mean. Also as previous posters have suggested might she be ASD?

What’s your possible reasoning for asserting the child feels unsafe at home? That’s borderline slanderous.

I don’t think you understand what safeguarding actually IS.

Affirmative treatment at school without full consent or consultation with the family risks ‘setting’ the child on a pathway they feel unable to step off. Just like blockers do.

This is clearly a loving and concerned parent trying to do the best for their child. The school should take the lead from the family in consultation with family plus child. That is not happening here.

Snappity, you’re like a greyhound out of a trap on these threads, peddling your frankly dangerous nonsense.
There’s no question that you have an agenda and I wish you’d take it elsewhere.

snappity you clearly have an agenda here, for transparency would you mind letting us know if you are a mum? Has one of yr kids decided to present as the other sex?

I don’t wish to be intrusive on yr personal life but you seem to be approaching this in an extremely pro trans way. Whereas most parents advocate watch and wait-80% of children desist transitioning after puberty.

I think consistency with yourselves and the school is the key and getting your child access to the right support. Mermaids are a charity in this area but as with all charities they need the customers to keep the money rolling in....i would contact tavistock for guidance if they are able to give this without seeing her. I would also let your daughter know that you will support her but that it is best for her to have counselling before socially transitioning as once she joins that club they will make it hard for her to leave , i think people who are 'outsiders' are put on a pedastal in social media world once they come out as a trans, i imagine it can feel as though you 'belong' therefore this increases the likelihood you will continue to feel you are trans plus it must be more difficult to say actually you are just a gnc girl or lesbian once you have made all your friends and family go through the transition with you