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Original poster

Disturbing FB message about trans grooming of child. Advice please

32 replies

HotRocker · 14/07/2018 11:31

Recently I’ve started posting items about female erasure, trans issues and safeguarding children on Facebook. Yesterday I received a very worrying message from a friend who’s 16 year old son came out as trans a year ago. She doesn’t mind if he is trans, because she’s always encouraged her children to be who they want to be, but she doesn’t really believe that he is. She suspects that he has been groomed by a group on a gaming forum. She also suspects this group of promoting self harm. She has seen messages, the contents of which she didn’t disclose, but she said they all appear to be from older people. When her son found out he locked his computer down with passwords so she no longer has access.
She wanted to know if I‘d ever heard of grooming going on. I told her that I’ve not seen it first hand but I’ve heard about it from others, and seen screenshots of tweets where people post websites where cross sex hormones can be purchased.
I directed her to the Transgender Trend website, because to be honest I have no idea what else to do.
Has anybody else seen or heard of trans groups grooming young, vulnerable people on the Internet. I understand that this boy is very vulnerable, so he would seem a perfect target. Also, does anyone have any information or links to resources or support groups I could send her. I feel really crap because she’s come to me for information and I don’t really have any.
She asked me if I thought she was being paranoid. No, from everything I’ve seen and heard I don’t think she is.
Please help me, if you can. I’m scared because this stuff keeps coming closer and closer to home, and we are screaming out about it and no one is listening. I have a 10 year- old son myself and I’m worried for his future.

OP posts:
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KittyKlaws · 14/07/2018 16:14

Yes there was a thread in the Reddit GC sub and it had screenshots of what people were posting to children. It wasn't Reddit though - may have been Discord?

I would be inclined to limit access to the Internet in the first instance having a twofold effect of cutting out the grooming and access to medication to self-medicate. This would mean taking any phones off them too and I know from experience that is very difficult with a teen. I would attempt to contact someone like Lily Maynard as they will have a more appropriate view or Transgender Trend to see if the parent can be put in touch with people to assist and support. I think those who have gone through/are going through the same are always the best source for help in something as 'unknown' as this.

I do hope your friend and their child get the help that is best for both of them.

Original poster
HotRocker · 14/07/2018 13:18

Re CEOP and NSPCC: i’m worried as Pp have said that I might be directing her into the lions den. I’m more than aware that you have to be careful what you say nowadays, and to whom, and even the best intentions or worst fears could be construed as something very different. I don’t want her to go looking for help, then be told she is being transphobic and sent for ’re-education.’ She is certainly not the sort of person to be judgemental about anything, and if she has concerns then I absolutely believe she has genuine cause. I am absolutely the last person to direct a parent into a situation where they might be told their instincts are wrong, or should be ignored. I really don’t know what to do.
Snap, i’m going to shock you now, because I’m going to agree with you that if this young person had been self-medicating, I would recommend they see a doctor. Better, if medication is the only option, to take medication prescribed and controlled by a doctor than medication purchased off the Internet. I don’t believe my friend has any reason to suspect her son is doing this however, and I’m sure she would discourage it at every step, and if she thought he was then she’d probably take him herself.

OP posts:
Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:45

Those drugs can cause those problems whether or not they are bought online or prescribed by a doctor. So I would be very careful about putting my child in a situation where they are more likely to get a prescription and take the drugs. The patent will have to make a judgement. But in the knowledge that doctors are afraid not to affirm.

womanformallyknownaswoman · 14/07/2018 12:35

I would also...

... be explaining to the child how and why self-medication is dangerous and that an unsupervised hormone regime can significantly impair the ultimate level of masculinisation / feminisation achieved.

Self-medication is bad.

YY my thoughts as well - I am not an expert in this area but self-medication should be avoided. And I take Prachet's input on board as I'm not across the detail of how they may have been groomed

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:32

From someone who knows that doctors are afraid not to affirm, who is an active transactivist on this board, who appropriates intersex and infertility to propagate their transactivist views, I take your motives with a skipload of salt.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:29

The child has not, according to the OP. You are doing the same as the people the child is talking to online.

That's outrageous. There is a world of difference between encouraging a child to self-medicate and advising parents that If they reasonably believe their child might have medicated to seek medical advice and blood tests. It's not clear what the exact situation is in this case. That is for the parents to assess. But, as a general principle, if there is a fear that a child has been self-medicating I unreservedly suggest seeking advice from a GP to check that the child hasn't done any harm.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:27

It is not a ridiculous divert. It is what happens.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:25

Certainly advise your friend to get familiar very quickly with the tactics used by TRA. And to make clear to the child that he / she is behaving exactly as expected.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:24

The aim of TRA will be to get them to a doctor for affirmation.

In this context that's a ridiculous divert.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:24

if

The child has not, according to the OP. You are doing the same as the people the child is talking to online.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:21

Doctors are too scared not to affirm. That may result in a prescription for damaging drugs.

I don't know as much about the drugs for masculinisation but some of the big risks of self-medication for feminisation are
1 brain tumour
2 blood clots
3 liver / kidney damage

If a parent believes a child might have self-medicated I believe the parent should set their ideology aside and think about medical safety.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:21

Bear in mind the child will be groomed in what to say or do. Polly Carmichael herself (of Tavistock) said it's easy for kids to get a prescription because they go online and are told what to say to clinicians. The child will be groomed in how to get the parent to take them to a doctor including emotional blackmail.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:18

Like, buy time

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:18

The aim of TRA will be to get them to a doctor for affirmation.

Alternatively, I've heard that if you ask for an appointment at a gender clinic, you get one in 18 months bc the waiting lists are so long. That might be an option for mollificatuon or a deal. I.e. Trade an appointment in a year's time for going to a PROPER therapist who won't affirm (good luck finding one)

NC4Now · 14/07/2018 12:17

If she is concerned about any type of grooming she needs to speak to the police or NSPCC.
I don’t know who TT are and they may well be able to offer additional support, but there is a real safeguarding concern to be tackled here.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:17

I would also...

... be explaining to the child how and why self-medication is dangerous and that an unsupervised hormone regime can significantly impair the ultimate level of masculinisation / feminisation achieved.

Self-medication is bad.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:15

Doctors are too scared not to affirm. That may result in a prescription for damaging drugs.

Snappity · 14/07/2018 12:14

Self medication is extremely dangerous. Self-medication can literally kill. If I was a parent who thought my child might be self-medicating I would be wanting to share the concern with a GP and get a full set of blood tests done ASAP. Hopefully they will not show any signs of medicating, but if they do specialist advice can be sought.

I know many parents who follow Transgender Trend believe in keeping doctors out of the picture, but if there is any concern that a child might have self-medicated I really encourage a parent to get blood tests for the child.

I would also

(That's in addition to the concerns about grooming.)

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:14

Also the previous poster who suggested removing from the situation is good advice. Holiday, grandparents, anything.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:13

Grooming for sex, will be seen as grooming. Grooming for trans - may well not be seen that way at all.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:12

I would warn her that going to the authorities or outside agencies could see her labelled as abusive. Lily Maynard's child desisted and may be able to give good advice.

Pratchet · 14/07/2018 12:11

Can she switch of the home internet and end his phone direct debit? Sounds urgent.

womanformallyknownaswoman · 14/07/2018 12:04

Talk to the experts obviously as they know.

What occurs to me is working with him on what can be done and what can't - yet. Thus maybe there's some way to keep talking with him but slow him down. To look at the pros and cons in a more structured way. Just some thoughts. Outright opposition will just push him away I imagine.

PS I paid for my daughter to go on an overseas trip to get her out of a tricky situation - but she was a little older at 18 - one where they were out of communication a lot of the time and kept very busy....

SardinesAreYum · 14/07/2018 11:53

So yes I believe that what you say is more than possible.

Others have given good advice.

SardinesAreYum · 14/07/2018 11:51

DD1 is on Animo and lots of trans groups there esp trans boys and loads of conversations about self harm, binding, suicidal ideas, etc

It is everywhere and is an outlet for teen angst I think.

It's when it gets medical that I've got an issue with it.

DD1 is GNC and I think maybe susceptible to this so I have a lot of chats with her about it all. When I asked if she thought people could literally change sex as in a man change to have a baby and a woman change to have a willy that is the same functionally as a man's 9can't remember how I put it now she's quite young!) she said "Yes?".

This is all over the internet for sites that young people follow. And you know how it is with all the hormones and angst and parents don't understand men... It's like goth or something back in the day but with worrying extras.