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Original poster

I was told I "present as female". I'm feeling surprisingly irked

33 replies

BlazeAway · 12/07/2018 22:40

This was during a conversation about why I wouldn't define myself as cis (I tend to think it's regressive stereotyping). I said that I don't really have a gender identity — I'm female, but some of my skills and interests are more traditionally masculine.

I explained this and was told that I "present obviously female". Now, I was wearing straight cut jeans, a man's cricket club t-shirt (maybe XL boys', but still — crew neck, unshaped), no makeup or jewellery and my hair was in a tight bun. So even dressed in a reasonably androgynous way I apparently present as female and can't say differently?

I feel a bit like I was reduced to my body shape (even in a sports bra it's clear I have a bosom, I have slim wrists and small hands, and a heart-shaped face) and my voice and maybe my body language. All things that are sex not gender markers?

It's just left me feeling a bit annoyed — why will he believe people who are "properly" trans/non-binary yet refuse to believe that I don't have a gender identity?

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 12/07/2018 23:01

present obviously female

But surely a trans mtf presents as obviously male because he has an Adams apple.

Melamin · 12/07/2018 22:59

Surely it was a man bun Hmm

TallulahWaitingInTheRain · 12/07/2018 22:56

You look like a woman therefore he could deduce your gender identity

Now why doesn't that work on people who look like men ... Hmm

AssassinatedBeauty · 12/07/2018 22:54

So the only way you could present as less feminine would be to have a masculine style haircut?

You're right that what he was describing was you sexed body, not your choice of presentation, even if he denies it.

UpstartCrow · 12/07/2018 22:51

Every time you talk to him in future make sure you use approved phrases;

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Newspeak_words

NoSuchThingAsAlpha · 12/07/2018 22:48

He just means that you're a woman, but isn't allowed to acknowledge that because it's a thoughtcrime.

UpstartCrow · 12/07/2018 22:47

How far up themselves was this man? Use an elastic band to demonstrate how far, in the style of Chris Morris. I guarantee it will make more sense than what he said.

Men are loving this chance to police women.

annandale · 12/07/2018 22:47

Gender identity and presentation are different things, surely. That's why it's pretty easy to discriminate against women, because most of the time it's obvious which ones they are. I don't think about whether I have a gender identity very much but especially as I get older, I am always treated like a woman by others.

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