little things you do each day that are a tiny bit feminist

MnerXX I wouldn't bother changing to men's deodorant it doesn't seem to work as well as women's.
My husband will only wear the women's dove cream stick as he says it keeps him sweat free for longer

@TeiTetua I like that - very no-nonsense!

I went to a wedding of a middle-aged couple where she'd been married before and still used her ex's surname, but the invitations were written using her maiden name. It said at the bottom "The bride, formerly known as [married name with ex-husband] is returning to her maiden name." When I asked her about it she said, "I've had enough fooling around with names and being Mrs. I'll finish up the way I started."

A colleague was, in a very well intentioned way, complimenting the daughter (about 7 yo) of another colleague - nice hair, nice dress, nice shoes. It is well intentioned but it pained me ever so slightly. I started asking what she'd been up to for the holidays so far, the focus shifted and it gave us all a good chance to tell her how well she'd done, very brave and clever, don't think I could have done that and so on. A tiny win.

I don't think there is anything wrong with complimenting a girl's dress, as long it's weighed up by showing that she is valued for other things than her looks.

Of course not, but I reckon there are soooooo many people lining up to tell my nieces (I only have boys, no girls) how pretty they are there's no harm in me trying to balance things out a bit by complementing them on something else instead.

And for boys I do sometimes focus on their appearance. I know one of my sons sometimes says he is ugly so I can see it's worth boosting boys' self esteem in that department sometimes.

I don't think there is anything wrong with complimenting a girl's dress, as long it's weighed up by showing that she is valued for other things than her looks.

Got sick of apologizing for everything. I am still working on it. I don't want to keep minimizing myself with "just", either.

I notice that I'm always compensating for men's lack (or disinterest) of social skills. I am trying to relax even when there is shudder awkward silences and situations.

Promoting great books/tv-series etc by and/or about interesting women to people.

Making many subtle gender critical comments in real life discussions - people generally agree.

I hate physical contact with strangers on public transportation but won't let man spreaders intrude on my space. Bags are good for this, and sharp elbows.

Challenging sexist "banter".

There is something to be said for not making the first thing you say to a girl some kind of comment on their appearance. I ask what book they are reading for example.

I think it’s a hard one. A friend always tells my dd she is brave. But she’s not brave and can’t understand why someone would say she is. Also she lives in jeans and t-shirts for cycling and playground and life. But if she wears a pretty dress she is dying for compliments. And is upset if no one says her dress is pretty. I’m conflicted about the whole thing.
I do notice my nephews love compliments if they are wearing something they love too ( mostly superhero Wellington’s admittedly).

Ofew - I have an aunt who makes such a fuss of frilly dresses. We were out last week and she made us stop and acknowledge them and said "oh look adorable in their dresses!"

Afterwards I tried to point out why i do not make a fuss. Not sure she got it though.....

I avoid saying to little girls "what a lovely dress"/"don't you look pretty" etc etc and instead focus on something other than their appearance and try to praise them for being brave and strong.

I praise my boys for being kind and gentle and tell them they're beautiful, not just "strong" and "brave" etc.

Well don @Mnerxx.

Acorn we can all be crazy together.

I should say I did get my own back on the best man for trying to ban me making a speech. My opening line was that he had told me I wasn't to do it. Oh yeah! Don't mess me with on my wedding day!

Such a lovely thread 😀 and it makes me feel slightly less crazy. I read the whole of the enchanted wood by Enid blyton to my ds whilst swapping the sex of the children (got a bit confusing at times)

I have given up on heels too - too many sprained ankle injuries. I enjoyed getting some colourful flat shoes so they still feel special to me and I am not missing out.

I have a men's razor and use DH's shaving gel as it is so much cheaper. I hadn't thought about deodorant before - I am going to switch to men's as well if it is cheaper and more effective.

At our wedding, I made a speech along with the others. Would you believe it the best man was absolutely adamant that I wasn't allowed to do it ? That obviously didn't stop me! It would be one thing if someone of an older generation had said that (I wouldn't have listened to them either but I would have understood) but one of my peers! I was beyond shocked that they actually thought this was a valid thing to say and that thought they had a right to try and stop me.

I am definitely going to be better at using "she" for anything unknown (animals etc). I used to do this when DS was small but have got lax.

Yes - the thread prompted me to think about when 'female socialisation' in a workplace context is a positive.

I think here people have been talking about removing totally unnecessary levels of apology and submission. You can be polite and friendly and apply your "female socialisation" without apologising for your views and doing down your own position.

This thread has made me think about my email style, and that of others in my group at work. We develop scientific software, and although it's mostly blokes on the coding side (other than me and my manager) most of the support and application scientists are women nowadays. And I've decided the 'female socialised' style is pleasanter and actually can be more effective in many cases. I can do assertive to the point of bluntness if necessary- but I think that's more powerful if used somewhat sparingly.

I think what I'm trying to say, is that in some contexts it can be better to 'feminise' rather than emulate 'masculine' norms.

'Man exists to be surpassed'

I wear flats now for health reasons, but have had so many comments at work about ‘how brave’ and ‘do you need to change your shoes’ errr no!

I’m going to stop saying it’s for health reasons.

This is a good thread!
I default female for animals and default female for motorcyclists too.
I don't move for men or for teenagers, whether I am on my bike or walking. That can be interesting sometimes, teens are often convinced I will move over and have a shock when they have to adjust their trajectory!
Where I live everyone nods and says hello as you go past, it is considered rude not to. I noticed when it is a couple the man always moves to do the hello, so I make a point of getting eye contact with the woman and saying the hello to her. Every time.
I deliberately don't do the bag anymore when we go out (We have two small girls) and I never check it, only adding my sunglasses. Yes on occasion we haven't had enough nappies or sun cream- but DH now has stepped up and he does it (and he took the point too).
I never wear heels anymore, even to weddings. That has been marvellously refreshing! Actually my brother is marrying in September and I will be wearing brogues, cigarette trousers, a shirt and a blazer. Just for the craic like.

As part of my work, refer to any hypothetical person as 'she', e.g. 'When the H & S inspector comes, she will want to see..." or "When the engineer calls, tell her..."

@OhHolyJesus - Yeah... I asked his Mum as 1. She's absolutely lovely and wonderful and I thought she'd like it and 2. I've had a few raised eyebrows and comments... "You asked his.. Mother? Why?" ..... Well, why not? after all, there seems to be a lot of men asking the Fathers permission!

@Slanetylor - All the 'Mr and Mrs' stuff was a bit frustrating - I found 'Mrs and Mrs' and 'Mr and Mr', which at least is a step in the right direction, but unfortunately no 'Mr and Ms' - So I bought the wooden letters separately

Funniest thing - I ordered some off eBay and they actually put in additional 'R's that I hadn't ordered and hadn't paid for! I was a bit like 'WTF?' but I guess it's such a typical order, they assumed I had meant 'Mr and Mrs'

We've popped on the registrar form that we're not changing our surnames so could the person marrying us please announce us as 'First name and first name, your bride and groom'...

... To be honest, I'm most looking forward to the looks I get when I rock up in my black dress and veil.... and the comments over our cat litter wedding cake that my amazing friend is making (I kid you not).

It's going to be Gothic / Feminist / cat focused, you see....

Ds made a cartoon in.school today and invented 'spywoman' because:"there are loads of boy heroes and I thought it might be more interesting." He's 8. If I can keep him like this, he'll someone a wonderful partner one day.

If you do want to join in: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3306667-Kids-books-with-strong-female-leads?watched=1

When reading Dd age 2, a story I always try to change some things, for example it's Daddy Bear who makes the porridge and Goldilocks always eats from Mummy Bear's bowl first and sits on her chair /bed first.

You are all amazing women/ladies (delete as preferred!). Really inspiring.

I made a new friend (turns out I'm 5) and nervously said i'm a femanist. Her reply was the only political thing that she finds a friendship deal breaker is if people aren't!

I don't agree with all of these - to me guys is completely unisex (geographical maybe?) and I use ladies but I also use gentlemen. But I am reading these and planning to use them when I can.

I'm going to start a thread in Chat on books with good female leads after reading these as I read a LOT and happily read kids books too. Be great if you can add to it - as I read so much I hadn't recognised the discrepancy and I think you are all right to say it's important.