Wedding!! Sister being walked down aisle by brother

it's almost like we have a bit of a relationship through posting

How disingenuous. Is it possible for you to have a relationship that doesn't involve trying to belittle an enemy? I didn't come to mumsnet with this impression at all but you really remind me of those wonderful ladies in the blitz with your tin hats and a shared hatred of the Other Side. I think it's a bit irresponsible, given the very vulnerable people (including some women) caught in the middle of the political debate.

betty I genuine had no idea what your post meant. How the heck could my point have been valid if it had been her own wedding? Did you realise it didn't make sense and try to gloss it over or what?

I’m just playing ‘patronising into silence’ ping pong with a player who served first

I suppose there might be a problem if the DB was a controlling type who didn't like women making their own choices, some families have more than one of them?

Anyway... I wish the OPs Dsis and all their family (including the OP!) and friends have a lovely day.

Yep, you're still here, you're still talking. And the regular posters are talking too. And it's almost like we have a bit of a relationship through posting and reading these threads for some time. Sorry about that, it's not meant to exclude.
And yes, given your recent posting history, I will say that I do think you are influenced by a certain ideology. Fair play, we've all got influences.
We are not trying to shut you up, though. For as long as I can remember the posters here have practically begged people to come and defend the ideology that has gained so much traction recently.
So type away, speak, do. We definitely welcome it. But I make no promise that if your logic fails epically, and you promote things which infringe on the rights of women and girls, the people who post here will 'play nice' and allow that to go unchallenged.

My Dad is dead and my Brother walked me down the aisle. We were both very aware of the huge hole of him missing from my day (he’d also missed my brothers wedding day). Bro also drove me to the church. It was very special for both of us.
If its what your sister wants and your brother is happy to do it, what’s the harm?

Woman posts on Feminism Chat about what she sees is a feminist issue

All the feminists on the thread tell her she is being unreasonable and it is her sisters choice.

Kitchen tells us the OP's attitude is all the fault of the feminists even though all of them told the OP she was unreasonable.

Kitchen now tells us that the feminists on this thread are trying to intimidate her (but she is bravely not going to be intimidated!) because ... "they are "talking" to each other" and using smiley faces.

There you go. If you can't make a decent point, you will try to silence by patronising. Yep, it's all very obvious.

Isn't it just?

betty There you go. If you can't make a decent point, you will try to silence by patronising. Yep, it's all very obvious.

Why are you allowing your DS to get married in the first place? Marriage is a patriarchal institution, surely?

My BiL walked me down the aisle (and made a speech) at my wedding as my dad had died 6 months previously. I don't have a brother but I love my BiL as if he was.

I can tell you now that if anyone has tried to "reason with me" about ray choice I would've been very upset. If I'd thought my sister was infuriated and angry with me about it I would've also been very upset.

Did you consider having your sister accompany you down the aisle, or is that only a job for men?

Bless your heart, Kitchen.

I'm not an activist for anyone, actually. Except women getting to choose their own personal truth. I have very little interest in the rights of trans people, except to wish them the right to be whoever it is they need to be. But it's interesting that your response is to (a) decide I'm an activist for a different side, rather than a woman with a different view and (b) decide I'm miffed with everyone on the thread for not responding how I'd like. Actually, if anyone is miffed, it's the OP because her sister didn't respond the way she'd hoped.

But...it's clear that you've scented dangerous ideology. It didn't take you long to pull out the and for a few feminists to pop up and start 'talking' to each other across the thread. That's what you do to shut other women up. I'm not intimidated and it doesn't work on me at all.

I had my son in law walk me down the aisle and give me away! Bugger all to do with male dominance, it was a way to include him in our wedding and be a bit more traditional than me arriving on a unicycle followed by a flock of geese. What I’m saying is, it’s what I wanted, it wasn’t done to garner attention as so many of today’s ceremonies are.

Leave her be, find real problems to put your excess energy into.

FFS. Is it possible for one sweet moment that TRAs could not make every thread about trans*? Literally nothing in this thread is anything to do with trans anything.

kitchenrollinrollinrollin I do believe you're telling us off for not responding the way you'd like to think feminists do

Betty I have pondered your comment for a good half minute and cannot make head or tail of it. The only part I understand is that my point isn't valid for some reason. Which is very familiar.

Kitchen, your point would be valid if it were her own wedding. It’s not.

Bloody hell who's wedding is it leave the woman alone to make her choice.

There is very, virtually no room for saying 'Ok, do it your way and I will do it my way - these are both valid ways to be a woman'. There is a lack of boundaries in thinking that women shouldn't make choices that are not the choices dictated by radical feminists. Or if they 'haven't seen the light', that they should be talked at until they have.

Brilliant point, well made.

fermat
Honestly, I'm not surprised posters like the OP have absorbed this message from reading 'a lot of the threads on here' as she has done. Off the top of my head, I would suggest that a naive poster may watch the aggressive way many radical feminists react to women (and others) who don't share their views on the feminist board and think this is the reasonable way to treat women who won't get on board. There is very, virtually no room for saying 'Ok, do it your way and I will do it my way - these are both valid ways to be a woman'. There is a lack of boundaries in thinking that women shouldn't make choices that are not the choices dictated by radical feminists. Or if they 'haven't seen the light', that they should be talked at until they have.

The endless evangelising on the feminists board seems to have been interpreted by the OP as grounds to 'have a good chat' with her sister about something that is none of her business, for which she wants help articulating arguments - a request she probably thought was reasonable because there have been similar requests here before. Not about sisters and weddings but along the lines of 'My friend refuses to think the way I do, help me show them why they're wrong'.

No, of course it is not how most people describing themselves as feminists would act in the real world. Because it's not socially acceptable and most people 'get' that there are some situations where the other person gets to choose, even if you think they're wrong. But radical feminists have been eroding even those boundaries lately in their agitation over the trans issue and I think this is what the clearly naive OP is picking up on.

All the lols. A thread wherein one self-identified feminist says something a bit authoritarian, which is answered by 6 pages of other feminists saying "wind your neck in, mate, you're wrong", and kitchen wants to make out that this shows what an unreasonable authoritarian group feminists are as a whole.

I’m not into patriarchal customs either. I had no aisle, no big entrance, no giving away. No brides ‘maids’, registrar was asked not to use the terms ‘bride’ or ‘groom’ but instead refer to us by our names.
DH and I arrived before our guests and just said hi as they came into the room. At the end we were pronounced ‘married’ not ‘husband and wife’.

But I wouldn’t of dreamt of telling my sister what to do. Heck, I even wore floor-length lilac for her

So yes, agree with pretty much everyone here, it’s not your day, get over yourself.

FFS my brother walked me down the aisle as my father had died, I chose him not because he was male but because I wanted him to, why do you have to break everything down to gender, as you say it 2018, she can choose whoever she likes regardless of how it may impact your "right on " sensibilities. YOU are the one with the problem

And again - so OP has a weird idea of what feminism is. And this is the somehow the fault of feminists because.. ?

Well, obviously not all feminists. But if you look at the OP's use of language, she thought she was speaking to a group of people who were going to support her in this action. She has got the idea that this is acceptable behaviour and alludes to using information gathered on the feminist board to go forward with (and has clearly already been harassing her poor sister thinking this is what feminists do). And from reading some feminist threads recently, I can see why.