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Original poster

Teaching teen boys about misogyny

33 replies

BrexitWife · 25/06/2018 17:13

This is across over between feminism/misogyny and parenting.
Two teens boys (13 and 15yo).
I’ve tried my best to teach them about equality between men and women, show them how men/boy and women/girls could be treated differently etc...
But I’ve clearly failed as

  • Dc1 has been nicely mansplaining me and refusing to trust what I’m telling him t(and asking for confirmation from his dad who had much less knowledge than me on said subject Hmm)
  • If I’m telling dc2 that he is doing xxx wrong, I’m basically told off, he never said xxx (as an adult could be constructed as gaslighting).

Bar the basic lack of respect towards me as a parent, I’m also very concerned that this attitude will just carry on towards women in general as they grow up (because they would not dare saying anything like this or behaving that way towards H).

So, do you have any ressources that coud help me explain misogyny to them as well as the ‘big’ behaviours that are actually disrespectful towards women?

Cor full disclosure, I’m fighting an uphill battle as their behaviour is often H behaviour and school is atrocious on that score (keeps treating boys and girls in a different way, you have girls stuff -eg films- and boys stuff etc etc). Which means very little good role models around :(

OP posts:
Offred · 25/06/2018 19:00

There is no easy solution to this IMO.

If they are teenagers already the attitudes may be too ingrained. I think you are probably going to have to have a think about yourself here, how much you are going to commit to fighting the tide and in what way.

Even if you left your h over his treatment of you, often teenage boys who have had this modelled to them just entrench in ‘poor dad’ and ‘burn the witch’.

Are they all rounding on you at home?

Offred · 25/06/2018 18:54

I agree with assassinatedbeauty TBH.

I’m not sure reading stuff will undo the relationship stuff and they won’t necessarily see anything you say as credible if your marriage is like that and they are getting it at school as well.

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/06/2018 17:45

It's always going to be an uphill battle against the background of your husband modelling the same behaviour.

Original poster
BrexitWife · 25/06/2018 17:41

But that's the point, H will NOT say ‘go and ask your mum’.
Actually he has been known to be huffy because he ‘knew’ and I was wrong. This was about a subject where I’ve done a master degree and some research!! And he had done nothing on that subject since GCSE.

I also appreciate that it’s teen behaviour. And I would take it as that IF it was a gender neutral attitude. It’s not.
There is a long history of H poopooing my work, my knowledge etc... and it shows.

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 25/06/2018 17:33

I think this is a teen problem rather than a misogyny problem.

My teen ds can be a real pompous ass, and I know nothing. He is even prone to telling me about 80s music. The cheek of it!

Ds is quite gender neutral in his contempt for the aged because dh knows nothing either.

I think humour is your weapon (although it is hard not to get riled) and agree with AssassinatedBeauty to get your dh to keep repeating, "Oh, ask Mum that one, she knows more than me about replacing a fuse/football/etc."

Original poster
BrexitWife · 25/06/2018 17:24

Fermat ive done that. For a very long time.

Assassin nope, H wouldnt refer them back to me. Because he obviously knows better.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 25/06/2018 17:20

Is your husband likely to refer them back to you if it's your area of expertise? That would help a lot. But from what you say he seems part of the problem not the solution.

FermatsTheorem · 25/06/2018 17:17

Re. gaslighting. You have to take a complete "take no prisoners" approach. Tell 'em you weren't born yesterday, even if it then escalates to you having to say "yes, you are lying to me - you are lying and compounding the lie by behaving as if you think I'm stupid, and neither of these is acceptable behaviour patterns".