A temporary cessation of hostilities

Gawd, have I brought you all down now!

(That was to give HQ pause, should they be hovering over the delete button.)

This has definitely been the group to watch in the playoffs.

Off the 4 teams in Group A of the Gender Games trying to make it to the last 16 Sportacus have been seen as the underdogs by the other 3; TRA, MRA and Mermaids.

Mermaids and MRA face each other off tomorrow but there's a general sense of apathy about the game with very little appetite for competition.

Mermaid's Manger, Susie has made clear she's generally unconcerned about the result and is saving her squad for the Sportacus match. She's not even proposing to utilise star striker MimmyMum in the MRA/TRA matches and has confined her to the TwitterSpa to get her in the best mindset for Sportucus match.

Its still unclear if the heavily anticipate Sportacus/Mermaids match will go ahead however, as official are still debating Susie's demands for the match to be played in Thailand, whilst Sportacus have launched a counter claim that many mermaids team members are under age and not eligible to play.

We contacted Susie for comment and got the following "there is no debate to be had. I've named my squad and the location. Frankly the game shouldn't be played at all. I've already decided it will be a 5-0 result and Sportacus are just bloody meanies who don't like football".

Sportacus PR have respond with an official eye roll and a a seemingly coded message of DFOD.

There is something strange on the, now pretty deserted, pitch. A pale, lone human shape is seen stumbling about, now slumped on the terraces, now weaving aimlessly in the stands. Seemingly lost and forlorn.

The camera slowly pans towards it, revealing a figure covered in a white sheet, reminiscent of 'play ghosts'.

As the focus sharpens, you can briefly make out the words printed on the cloth, 'The Spirit of Mumsnet', as it vanishes.

Team Sportacus battle against their female socialisation and try not to help.

The mods and JR head off the pitch tripping over MB who had earlier tripped over a divot and was still lying on the pitch throwing a tantrum.

England were poor last night but I'm happy to see them winning.

Vel gert Iceland!

Bra gjort! Sweden

Belgium is the dark horse.

I predict a European final. Once again.

Sniff.

I'm still in mourning for the loss of Italy. Sono triste.

Sniffs. As you were.

There is an appeal against the VR ref decisions, but it is confirmed that potential, imagined and fabricated fouls will be treated as actual fouls, depending on both the context and which team the individual referee supports and, in some cases, their mood on the day.

Post match discussion includes perplexing news that the offside rule has been redefined by the Scottish Government to include any onside play identifying as offside. Pundits are claiming the offside rule has been stolen behind their backs.

The video ref is consulted, all MN mods huddle round Justine. The video ref marches over (yeah well, if TRA's can play Sporticus, VR's can march) and orders them all off the pitch for enforcing unfair rules.

Nothing to add but

I'm not laughing Datun I'm really not.

You are all bloody marvellous.

Overheard in the commentary box...

'A loose, shifting constellation of biological, political and cultural phenomena'? There's no place for that in the modern game, Gary.'

This is so exciting, I can barely contain myself.

With a few minutes to go, manager, Justine Roberts dressed as a clown fish, changes all the rules.

There is chaos on the pitch. The crowd go wild.

They think it's all outre!

It is now.

A protest has been logged: Team TRA have identified as Team Sparticus and are demanding their right to access the Sparticus changing room and bath.
The Allies have blocked access to the tunnel: if Team TRA (or Trans-Sparticus as they must henceforth be known) can't have it, then no-one will!

the referee confiscates their baseball bats.

Snort.

Some consternation emerges around US players in the TRA team. Their eligibility is eventually established, and their use of the potentially offensive term 'soccer' is permitted, but the referee confiscates their baseball bats.

And Burns is getting ready to take the penalty...

Fae seems to be tying something on their head.... I can't quite make it out.. it looks... no it can't be. .. yes it is - it is a helmet that looks like an egg... Fae is making quite a show of putting it on ....it says on the side .... "see I've got a lady skull" ...

Don't know what that's about..

the mumsnet mods are the unhappy linesmen/women being yelled at by everyone.

Standing ovation everyone.

Bloody marvellous.

Classics or too niche???

Willoughby squares up to a supporter in the Team Sportacus stand.... looks about to headbutt them.... This wouldn't be the first time Willoughby's lost their temper on the pitch.

Willoughby is turning out to be a liability for Team TRA who are trying to look like they've cleaned up their act...

Oh look now.... Willoughby is holding out an arm saying they were hit... I think we can all agree that supporter was at least three metres away... did we get it on film?

The crowd is getting wild.

Team Sportacus Star goalkeeper Miranda Yardley is forced to leave the pitch after refusing to use the term SPOFS and colourfully telling Bergdorf to F off. Sportacus fans in the stadium erupt in solidarity when Yardley walks off the pitch with two middle fingers raised, protesting loudly. “WE’RE BOTH MEN!!!!” becomes the viral meme of the game.

IW flounces off and goes to interview Sepp Blatter on behalf of 5 News. The interview seems largely to consist of IW haranguing SB on the fact that he has not instantly made a pass at IW. (This is totally my fantasy interview, btw - both parties getting exactly what they deserve in life).

IW comes on as a sub and is greeted by boos. They sulk and start to stamp around the pitch shouting I am a woman and flashing their boobs to prove it. The boos continue...