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Original poster

WIBU - man telling me not to leave my bag open

61 replies

Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:12

Was in Greggs with DS in buggy with changing bag slung over handles. Changing bag was open. Was also with DBro and his partner both of whom are adults. Was ordering so wasn't looking at bag when man behind me interrupted to mid order to tell me I shouldn't leave my bag open in public. I responded saying it was fine but he kept saying it so I very firmly told him that it was ok and turned back to ordering.

I'm worried I was unreasonable but I am a grown woman who had two adults watching the buggy and bag and had decided to take this risk. I am more than capable of assessing risk. Anyway WIBU to firmly tell him I was ok with it being open?

OP posts:
badg3r · 13/06/2018 16:05

I think ywnbu to be short with him because:

He interrupted you mid conversation with someone else.

He persisted when you had acknowledged you had heard him. It is none of his business how you react to what he said.

Maybe it was meant with good intent but from your description he did come across as patronizing and like he was telling you what to do.

lunamoth581 · 13/06/2018 16:01

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. He persisted in telling you you shouldn’t keep your bag open even after you acknowledged his statement.

Was ordering so wasn't looking at bag when man behind me interrupted to mid order to tell me I shouldn't leave my bag open in public. I responded saying it was fine but he kept saying it so I very firmly told him that it was ok and turned back to ordering.

I would have told him to mind his own beeswax. This wasn’t someone pointing out something he thought you might not be aware of out of politeness - if it was, he would have dropped it after you said “it’s fine” the first time.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/06/2018 16:01

I know what you mean op

There's telling someome their bag is open out of kindness . Then there's the desperate need to be important and invasive by going on about it and actively telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing. There was no need for him to keep on.

I get annoyed with people doing similar

"You shouldn't have girls working on their own in the shop at this time of night it's not right"

First up don't tell me I shouldn't be at work that's my choice not yours.

And secondly if you lot didn't sodding come on at this time of night we'd not be open this late for very long would we Hmm

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 13/06/2018 15:56

The interrupting and repetition has me wondering if he was autistic.
You can be rude and autistic or creepy and autistic obviously.
But he was unaware of social conventions or at least not observing them.

Bluetrews25 · 13/06/2018 15:55

He had good intent. Maybe his DP got stung this way.

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:51

Exactly who it was the way it was done. I responded politely first but for some reason he wouldn't accept that. It came across to me as a man not considering me to be capable of making my own decision but I accept that I am probably reading more into it than I should. As I had my purse any thief would have ended up with some nappies, wipes and a wet pair of shorts as my phone and keys were in the pocket of the buggy itself Grin

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 13/06/2018 15:50

He was being helpful, and frankly, he was right.

whoaml · 13/06/2018 15:45

I think understand where you are coming from.

It's not just that he told you that your bag was open.

It's that he interrupted you while you were in the middle of ordering AND holding your purse AND kept on telling you after you had said it's OK.

BrownTurkey · 13/06/2018 15:44

Maybe he saw two adults standing near your bag looking suspicious Wink

I don’t think yabu, because you responded politely, and he persisted - adults are allowed to make their own choices, wise or unwise, you knew what was in your bag and that it was safe as others were watching. He wrongly assumed he was correct and that you were foolish - which may have had an element of sexist bias to it or not.

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:43

I agree Fekko. I have had lots of people give me helpful comments and reminders before. This one just seemed so different but I accept that that might be because I was flustered due to being interrupted mid order.

OP posts:
AsAProfessionalFekko · 13/06/2018 15:38

I find that it was when people jump off the train that the bags would be open. Im happy if someone points it out (and if my blouse is unbuttoned at the back!)

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:35

I would be grateful if you had told me in that situation fekko. If I clearly didn't know my bag was open I would be glad. It just felt unnecessary in this situation as I had left two adults I trust watching the bag.

OP posts:
Tiredspice2 · 13/06/2018 15:34

This is in no way a feminist issue, OP. He was trying to be helpful, and maybe it’s his normal way of speaking?

Why do we have to take offence about everything?

Serfisafleur · 13/06/2018 15:34

I've been told by another woman in shock that my bag was open. I took a slight offense as if I couldn't assess my own risk.

Then I got pick pocketed because my bag was open. Learned my lesson.

The only way to get pick pocketed is to leave your bag open or put valuables in your pocket.

It's useful life advice.

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:34

Yes my purse was in my hand Egg. I think the fact that I was mid order did affect my reaction as I was thrown and trying to remember what I had already ordered and just wanted to get back to the checkout. Clearly I let that overly affect my reaction.

OP posts:
DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 13/06/2018 15:31

It was a weird time to pick to say something though - when you're in the middle of ordering... very possibly with your purse in your hand, ready to pay, that you'd then put back in the open bag and close it?

I think there is a difference between mentioning it at a sensible point and interrupting someone in the middle of something to mention it personally.

pinkunicorn20 · 13/06/2018 15:30

I find this post a little sad, when one human can't express concern for another. Would you have had such a reaction if a woman had said the same?

Of course it is entirely possible he was being condescending, it's also possible a woman could be equally condescending, this isn't a feminist issue imo

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:29

I accept I was unreasonable.

OP posts:
AsAProfessionalFekko · 13/06/2018 15:29

I rarely bother telling people their bags are open any more.

Last time the young woman (whose backpack handbag was hanging open and her phone and purse was on full show) looked at me like I'd just crapped into her bag and did that sucky teeth thing at me.

Worriedandunsurewhattodo · 13/06/2018 15:28

This isn't a feminist issue.

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:27

That is true pottering but my point is that it is my decision to make. If he had said 'your bag is open' I would have thanked him.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 13/06/2018 15:27

I don't think this is a feminist issue. It was one human being giving advice to another. Whether or not you take the advice is up to you, but his gender is irrelevant in this example.

Original poster
Redgreencoverplant · 13/06/2018 15:26

It did greyhound because he was quite aggressive in his tone, it wasn't a major thing but she asked if I wanted her to ask him to go to the next checkout. However clearly I was unreasonable.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 13/06/2018 15:26

Well, you shouldn’t leave your bag open...

KatherinaMinola · 13/06/2018 15:25

Interesting drip feed.

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