Women defining themselves as wife and mother.

They have so much more about them than that.

Some people don't though. They seem to go through life with no interests outside of their family unit.

If they're happy doing it I honestly don't see the problem.

Maybe spend a little less time worrying about other peoples lifestyle choices?

I think for many women it is a phase and they come out of the intensity of the baby/toddler years and regain themselves. Others don't. I know a lot of women consider me very selfish because I maintained competing in my sport when my children were little - 'dumping' them with their dad Wife/mother was never enough for me, but I am unusual in being particularly driven in a time consuming sport, most women don't have that and are happy to lose themselves for a while. As long as they can find themselves later, life is long and there is time for different phases throughout it.

I agree with you OP. I know women who have "housewife" as their description on facebook (and bizarrely, linked in) or "full time mummy". I also know women who dont have their own email addresses and use their husbands, or use a joint one like Tom&[email protected].

I find it sad and a bit pathetic, judgy I know, but there you go.

But instead of talking about the men here, we’re going after the women. The women who I’m sure are, like so many other women, left literally holding the baby while their husbands swan merrily off to do their hobbies and be “interesting” on social media. I find the fact that RJ thinks being an “accessory” to a child is “fucking sad” just beyond words so I’ll leave that one there.

If you really want to make this a feminist discussion rather than a bitchy one, are you sure that these women actually have the opportunity/the will to continue with their hobbies.

Some women find motherhood all-consuming. Some do not. Neither situation is less than, just because some women like to criticise other women’s choices.

What a horrible, sneering thread. Morherhood is every bit as important as having a career.

Whilst it is sad that society as a whole, and some posters here, feel that being wife and mother is 'just' anything, the choice to be what you want to be without all that sneering is what early feminism was all about.

Feminism is nothing to do with choice it’s about liberation. Erm... maybe not when that liberation is not what some women want, if it means having to be something they don't want to be, just to show they are liberated! That's why many early feminists eschewed Womens Lib... it ignored those women who chose to be mothers and wives.

There's fuck all wrong with making that choice, if it is a freely made one. And please, don't tell me ALL women have been oppressed into the home maker role. Some men take them on too, so it can be a human role, not just a female one!

But it does affect me badger and every other woman because it diminishes the female experience to being an accessory to someone else, be that child or partner. and I find it equally sad that any woman sees being part of a family unit that way! It must be lonely!

Ah, I see the Mumsnet-flavour-feminists are up early policing other women’s behaviour. I don’t see men denigrating each other for becoming trainspotting nerds or stamp collectors. They just let them get on with it, even if it might seem a bit dull or pointless to others.

For many wives and mothers, their central role in promoting the balanced development and wellbeing of their families, in conjunction with other mothers of their generation, is the defining role of society. Don’t be surprised if it defines them: they are putting their all into it.

No it isn’t.

Feminism is the fight for women’s liberation from patriarchy.

It’s the patriarchy that spreads the lie that ‘choice’ is feminist. It just a way to victim blame us.

Feminism is nothing to do with choice it’s about liberation.

Feminism is everything to do with choice.

But it does affect me badger and every other woman because it diminishes the female experience to being an accessory to someone else, be that child or partner.

And that is fucking sad.

I feel the same sinking feeling when newly wed women do this.

It shows how patriarchal society still is.

Marriage is a badge of honour for lots of women.

Even if we try to critique that, like on this thread, other women load in to shoot down the feminists.

Feminism is nothing to do with choice it’s about liberation.

There is nothing liberating about this.

I don't tend to feel defined by my marriage but yes I am defined by the fact I'm a mother, and happy to be. I will always be a mother, whereas my career as an accountant will be a small part of my life in comparison (and incredibly tedious to post on social media about!) I do find a lot less time for interests since becoming a Mum so naturally wouldn't be mentioning them, maybe this is also the case with your friends?

Is it really so hard to grasp that for some women men and motherhood really is their priority/focus/life satisfaction.

They should be denigrated or pitied because of that

And yet cultural expectations remain that you are somehow lacking as a woman if you don't regard those two things, motherhood and man, as the most defining things in your life.

^^Yes to this - cultural expectations.

but all that they seem to do / talk about it being a mum/wife

And that’s a problem for you because you clearly do not regard these positions as particularly worthwhile.

Whereas you’d be impressed if the words “mum/wife” were replaced with “their job”

I haven’t necessarily done that on my instagram BUT I can’t see the harm tbh. I’m married, changed my name and family is everything to me. I am proud of my husband and family and want to talk about them all the time. Yes that would be tedious to others but I can see why some people do it. Doesn’t bother me. There are plenty of other things in my life but none I am proud of like my family. These feminism boards are all bitter and twisted half the threads on here are so negative about the way others live their lives.

But I just think it's sad that they never post anything about themselves anymore, they just seem totally defined as "wife/mother"

Sad? Even if the women themselves are happy and satisfied but it doesn’t fit your view of how a woman should be?

I feel we still have a long way to go for modern day women and feminism

Your definition perhaps.

They have so much more about them than that

They are reflecting a period of their lives which is important to them. As ever, threads like this come with sneery class overtones.