Women defining themselves as wife and mother.

Isn't the root of the problem that "wife" and "mother" have low value. If they had the same value as, say, Chief Executive, or Senior Manager, then I'm sure men would start putting "dad and husband" on their facebook statuses.

It is the lowly demeaned status of female roles that is the issue, not that women try and let the world know they consider those roles to be important by highlighting them.

The issue is men being paid more than women in the same role.

No it isn't!
That is illegal (although may still happen in some places).
The issue is women being paid less on average due to being in less senior roles.

I have a 1st class degree. I had a great, well paid and high powered job. I am sporty. I am a mother and a wife. I've lived in 4 other countries and speak a few languages. How should I define myself when the only thing I really care about and feel the most sense of achievement is when I get something right when I am looking after my DC.

The most important thing in MY life is being their mother and loving them and being loved back. I am enjoying it whilst it lasts and don't care about anything else really.

As a side note - don’t you think your arguments would be better recieved if you put less effort into being as insulting as possible whilst getting said point across

Please enlighten me as I’m obviously thick

I don’t see how stay at home parents are responsible for the existing gender pay gap ?! The issue is men being paid more than women in the same role. What has a woman who is choosing to raise her children full time got to do with this? How condescending.

I can’t tell if you’re being thick deliberately obtuse or not.

I know what you're getting at OP. Whenever there's a debate on MN about women changing their name upon marriage, one of the justifications people use is that they're so PROUD to be married, they really wanted to take their husband's surname. Like marriage is a life achievement or an arbiter of success.

I'm a wife and mother (a SAHM) at that, but I'm under no illusions that it's actually a really unremarkable thing to do.

I just don't see how the gender pay gap will ever be closed when some women are defining the purpose of their existence as bringing up children.

I don’t see how stay at home parents are responsible for the existing gender pay gap ?! The issue is men being paid more than women in the same role. What has a woman who is choosing to raise her children full time got to do with this? How condescending.

I’d always intended to change my surname. I liked dh’s so it was a non issue at the time to change to his. However I’ve generally kept to Ms.( I only really get called Mrs at school )

I kind of know what you mean though. I have a friend on social media who has made her Facebook account joint with her husband. But then he still also has his own. I find it weird and moderate how I respond to her now and never use messenger as I don’t wish to always be talking to a joint entity. She is my friend, I don’t know him.

But this is exactly the thing - instead of the focus of discussion and criticism being “why aren’t men being proud Dads/husbands on social media?” the focus is on judging and criticizing women who to it

If it's all completely fine and a good thing to define yourself solely by virtue of your marriage and family relations, how come I almost never see a man doing it?

That's interesting - because I see this quite a bit from some of my male friends. It's just as tedious, but I wouldn't say it broke down on gender lines.

I've never seen a man post a picture of himself and his bride on their wedding day on facebook on their anniversary.

I have, but they're definitely a minority compared with women who do it.

The first couple of pages of this thread read a bit bizarrely.
Was it moved to FWR?
My core meaning is being a mother. is not something I'd expect to see written in FWR.
I just don't see how the gender pay gap will ever be closed when some women are defining the purpose of their existence as bringing up children.

You rarely see fathers falling over themselves to throw the biggest party / spoil their wives / bake the best cake etc

I can't think of a single man's profile which says "Dad & husband," either, even those who mostly post about their children or the wider family. How come women make the choice to identify as a parent, but men don't? What does that say about choice?

(Stick with your friends - things get better when the children get older and become less all-consuming.)

Go spend time with your family, enjoy it, just stop showing off about it and boring everyone to tears about it!

Completely agree!

I’ve never had femalxor male post pic of them and their partner on their anniversary. And ratio of men to women on my FB friends is 40/60

Exactly notanotherjaffacake. and i was lynched on here for saying this a while ago but I've never seen a man post a picture of himself and his bride on their wedding day on facebook on their anniversary.

If it's all completely fine and a good thing to define yourself solely by virtue of your marriage and family relations, how come I almost never see a man doing it?

It's the result of a massive power imbalance, no matter if some women find some kind of validation/satsifaction out of it. It's not in the context of an equal society, it's in the context of a society where being reduced to your role as the support act is still seen as the pinnacle of your achievements.

That's not to say that the supporitve roles of wife and mother are not important. They are, hugely so. But the roles aren't the sole preserve of women, and it's not the be all and end all of women's achievements.

But that is being insecure and nothing to do with losing themselves.

What I’m saying is I do many things. I run a business ( two in fact) I enjoy reading, faffing, creating, building and making things, I like to paint and I go out/spend time with friends....I do all those things but in my social media that has just friends and family on would probably think all I do is be a Mum, because I only post of my children. I don’t understand adults posting about them selves....why would someone be interested in me drinking a cup of coffee in star bucks??? I just don’t post shit like that. I post about my kids constantly though. If you was my friend you would think society has told me what to do and I’m just a denfensless and clueless about security Mum. But the actual truth is very far from it.

Social media is completely fake.....compleatly!!

:Look at my family" is slightly less self obsessed than "Look at meeeee. At meeeee. Look at meeeee."'

I find them exactly equal in terms of self absorption. 'Look at my family' means 'look at my family, who are extensions of me'. Go spend time with your family, enjoy it, just stop showing off about it and boring everyone to tears about it!

They used to post about books they'd read / share recipes / walks they'd been on / politics etc.

To some degree though, I do think you have to realise that having kids is a huge lifestyle change. Small children means that you don't get to read books/try new recipes/go on walks....or not very often, or not as much as you used to be able to! To some extent, then, their posts really are just reflecting their changing lives. The "bigging up" of the wife and mother bit may actually be borne out of insecurity about that changed life. I don't like all the social media crap (as you've probably gathered , but if I (as a SAHM) were to use it, I'd probably put something like "Crap housewife and constant taxi service" because I'm happy with life and I'm not looking for approval from other people. I suspect these friends are seeking that validation (and, of course, the irony is they aren't getting that - at least not from you).

@carribbeanyesplease, sounds like me five years ago. I did nothing but jillian michaels workouts at home, but I looked good in my cheap jeans. I was also doing purely for my own interest, a lot of work on myself as oprah would say. But I think I'm in an extremely robust and positive place now, probably more so than a lot of married women my age who have been sahm and have older children and the school doesn't require their presence at all anymore.

Having balance isn't something you can necessarily do on SM though?
I can't rant about how people are idiots like I do at work, I can't take pictures whilst I'm doing Zumba #hobby, and if I post pictures of me out with friends they moan they look fat/hideous. 🙄

Just because people don't choose to openly share that side of their life, doesn't mean they don't love and embrace it.

Also, I hate the word wifey, it makes me cringe to the highest degree and should be banned.