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Original poster

Why is misgendering a big deal?

712 replies

FortunateCookie · 11/06/2018 10:30

Hope someone can help because I’m really trying to understand why not affirming someone’s identity is that big of a deal.
I understand that it’s polite to go along with whatever someone’s chosen gender identity is, but I can’t believe that it’s actually a big problem if you don’t?
Surely if your friends and family accept your identity, it doesn’t matter if someone at work doesn’t?
Would it really make someone suicidal?
Do any of the trans organisations say why it is so important?
I just don’t get it.

OP posts:
DailyMailClickbait · 11/06/2018 10:44

"Mis-gendering" is an issue because it apparently invalidates a trans-person's chosen identity.

However I am waiting for the day when it finally starts to dawn on the radical TRAs that you can't shout about being proud of your "trans identity" and in the next breath complain about being "mis-gendered". The two are a direct contradiction and it's one that they don't want to accept, because the majority are obsessed with trying to "pass" - i.e. not look "trans" at all, which seems rather at odds with being proud of your trans status...

Hideandgo · 11/06/2018 10:44

Your responses are horrible and dismissive.

Imagine yourself if people in work started calling you he and his etc. when referring to you. It would be upsetting. Now imagine on top of that the worry/fear/distress that they are doing it to put you in your place. Or to dismiss something that is critical to you and your sense of self. It’s careless and unkind at best. Cruel and serious bullying possibly. Would you not wonder all day which it is? Would you not feel humiliated and embarrassed that you even had to lower yourself to trying to prove you are who you say you are. And getting laughed at behind you back. I’d be assuming people who insisted on misgendering me were also laughing at me.

Can you really not understand?

Original poster
FortunateCookie · 11/06/2018 10:44

But the trans organisations don’t think misgendering is a big deal then?

OP posts:
Opheliah · 11/06/2018 10:42

TRAs say it all the time.

Original poster
FortunateCookie · 11/06/2018 10:41

Ophelia, do any trans organisations actually say this?

OP posts:
Opheliah · 11/06/2018 10:41

Hence misgendering = literal violence.
You are causing the person to self-harm.

I mean it's manipulative BS obvs, much like how an abusive partner will threaten to kill themself if you leave them.

LangCleg · 11/06/2018 10:40

It's all you've got to claim oppression if you're a bourgeois white heterosexual male?!

Original poster
FortunateCookie · 11/06/2018 10:40

So TERFragettecity, you think the opppsite, that they are not actually bothered by their identity not being affirmed, but patented to be so they can play the victim?

OP posts:
Opheliah · 11/06/2018 10:39

I think it's supposed to be "triggering" which leads to suicide attempts.

Original poster
FortunateCookie · 11/06/2018 10:38

Yes that makes sense AngryAttackKittens, but I don’t imagine they could admit to those things so how would they justify the importance of affirming their identity? Is it just politeness?

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 11/06/2018 10:34

It is a good way of looking like a vulnerable victim and pretending that you have been literally the victim of violence and guilting people into letting you cross boundaries.

AngryAttackKittens · 11/06/2018 10:32

Because narcissists experience non-compliance with their demands as an existential threat to the ego, and because a fragile sense of identity needs constant reinforcement and reassurance.

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