Should I change my last name?

'The problem with all the children being given double barrelled surnames is what happens when they grow up and get married and have children'

The Spanish manage this just fine

I took DH's name on marriage. We did give other options some thought but in the end that's what I/we decided. We wanted to have the same name so that when we had DC we would share a family name. Our names sound truly awful double-barrelled or blended. So then it was just a case of whose name to pick.

Good example of the patriarchy in action but in all honesty it was different cultural expectations that swung it in favour of DH's name. I'd had a lifetime of just expecting that I would one day get married and change my name. Yes, when it came to it I seriously considered other options for feminist reasons, but me changing my name was expected, not going to offend my family or his, not going to be seen as unusual. His family would have seen it as an affront, and just like I'd grown up expecting that I'd change my name upon marriage, he'd grown up expecting that one day he'd have a family of his own, sharing his name. I'm not defending that choice, just noting that, like many people, even when we considered the alternatives we went with the status quo. I think the social conditioning is so strong that I was prepared to give up my name without any upset and DH would have found it a much bigger deal.

I changed my name to my Hs but not just because it was assumed. We wanted the same name as a family, we toyed with a double barrel but I didn't like it, we toyed with a totally new name but could only agree on Mr and Mrs Awesome which was a bit of a stretch.

I ultimately decided I was happy to take his name. I quite like the sound of it and I'm ok with it.

I also never felt like I was being pushed to do so or there was an assumption I was obligated to. It was a genuine joint discussion and choice.

He keeps saying "most people say I can't wait to be Mrs surname" when they are getting married.

Most people? He means, 'most women'. So yes, it's an ingrained cultural sexism.

I changed my name - I'm afraid I didn't really think about it (I'm 57, so while women were starting to reject namechanging it really was the default then). But maybe I still would - my birth name was a very common and quite ugly one whereas DH's is quite distinctive. And at this point in my life, various attitudes and behaviours among some of my family members make me prefer to have his name rather than theirs. (I've only just realised that, it's a bit sad but true).

The problem with all the children being given double barrelled surnames is what happens when they grow up and get married and have children. Do those children have four surnames? And one day those children will grow up and have children.....

I’m getting married soon too. We are both going double barrelled. There was no way I was losing my name but he wanted us to have the same surname. He did consider taking my name as his relationship with his father is not great but ultimately I think it was just too radical for him so we’ve come to a compromise.

To say his dm doesn’t understand is a bit of an understatement.

If my fiancée had the same attitude as yours then there would be no wedding for it to ever be a problem.

@happymummy12345

Deed poll is not required to change your name.

OP you can change your name to anything you like, you can change your name on your driving licence a propos of absolutely nothing.

When I made my name double barrelled as a teenager (so I had my Mum's new name as well as my Dad's) I just did it. Changed it at college, using it as my name when going for my first jobs. Just started using it. I can't remember but I'm pretty sure I changed it on my bank accounts before I got the statement of oath.

At some point, can't remember why, I went and did a statement of oath at a solicitors. You can get the wording from the internet and type up the statement all ready.

When you get married your name does not automatically change but if you want to make it double barrelled you can.

Having made my name double barrelled as a teenager I changed it to my first husbands name but in separating he first thing I did was change it back - I went and got another statement of oath so that it was easy to change all my ID back again.

When I got married for the second time, I just kept my double barrelled maiden name. Because it's my name.

I did it because I really liked his name and didn't like my maiden name (at all), I wanted to have the same name as my husband and as any future children, we have two, and my attachment to my name (which was father's family name, and not my mum's name before marriage) was minimal

Same here. I was also relatively young when I got married, so hadn't established a long professional reputation, for example. DH didn't push me into it or anything.

I think now I might consider not changing my name, but I've become more radicalised as I have aged in many ways...

Just to answer your practical question, OP, in my experience NOT changing your name is the simplest option by far. You sign the marriage certificate with your current name ... and then do absolutely nothing. No passport, driving license, bank, utilities, savings, email addresses etc to change, what an almighty load of faff avoided.

My DH and I kept our birth names and I was and am Ms. DC is double barrelled. It really annoys me the suggestion that you're somehow less married if you don't change your name. We are a very happy, loving, united little family. Do what feels right to you and if your DH is so keen on all having the same name he can take yours!

I kept my name. Mostly because it's me. Partly for professional reasons. Partly because DH's surname requires spelling all the time.
Oddly I'm not fussed by people calling me Mrs DH on envelopes or at the dc's school.

I never contemplated changing mine when I married 40 years ago, as it is an integral part of me. I often get called Mrs My Surname, though, which I find irritating. DH sometimes is called Mr My Surname, which he isn't bothered about, but which bothers me.
I also don't wear a wedding ring as I consider it an outdated symbol of male ownership. (Rather similar, in fact, to name changing, which was symbolic of change of 'ownership' - or 'family' if you are being diplomatic - of a woman from father to husband.)

I got married over 20 years ago. I use both surnames, mine first, and then his, without a hyphen. He chose to just use his own surname but was not bothered whether I took his name, kept mine or combined.
Our DC has both surnames.

'Also I would love to hear the reasons you changed/ kept/ hyphenated your name.'

I changed my name to my husbands.

I did it because I really liked his name and didn't like my maiden name (at all), I wanted to have the same name as my husband and as any future children, we have two, and my attachment to my name (which was father's family name, and not my mum's name before marriage) was minimal.

For me a name is not that significant but if it feels/is important to you then go for the name you want.

I repeat what I said on the other thread: in my personal case:

I took my husband's surname because his surname is a lot less commonplace than my father's surname. Before I married, I knew, personally, at least three other people with exactly the same name as me. Taking on my husband's surname meant I'm the only one on google with my name.

I did have a think about it, before committing - the implications - and I made my own choice. Thirty-odd years later, I still think that my decision to change my name was correct, for me. Your Own Mileage May Vary!

We discussed variations of using either my last name, his last name, bizarre hybrids and hyphenated. DH didn’t really mind what we did, I was the one who wanted something that sounded okay. I’ve never ever liked my own last name and I really liked his, so it was easy.

I wouldn’t want to marry a man who wanted me to change my name.

This.

I wouldn’t want to marry a man who wanted me to change my name.

Keep your name! I honestly never considered changing mine for a second, and why would I? I'm not going to throw a strop if my kid's teacher calls me Mrs Myhusbandsurname for example, and I probably wouldn't even bother correcting her, but my name is my name. It's the 21st century. If you don't want to, don't.

Hi OP,
I did when I got married 13 years ago... and within a few weeks, I had changed it back by deed poll! So embarrassing... My DH just laughed and said he didn’t know why I had changed it in the first place.

It was my parents! They can be v conservative. And liked the idea - as did I, I suppose - of us all having a family name, if we had kids.

I wish we had double-barrelled but it would be five syllables.

So I am Ms Macaroon and he is Mr Bourbon. Ds1 has my surname as second middle name, ds2 has my MIL’s maiden name as a second middle name, ds3 has my DM’s maiden name as a second middle name! Fecking complicated.

Double barrel. Or keep your own and double barrel any children you have. I wish we had elided ours! We could have been Mrs and Ms Macabourbon.

Trust your instincts

No, of course not. Because it's my name and it's not part of marriage.

It may be that technically you're supposed to use deedpoll for more complex name changes, but we just applied for updated passports with marriage certificate and used those as proof for everything else. We went from Jane Baker and John Smith-Wainwright to Jane and John Baker-Wainwright (not real names, obvs).

I kept my name, it was mine for 40 years, why would I change it?
DP had no opinion on the matter. His family on the other hand make a point of mis- naming me!

I kept mine as couldn't bother changing everything and this is not used in the country I come from; however this is a very English thing and I sometimes get referred as Ms. at children school instead of Mrs, which annoys me slightly. Still wouldn't change it for that reason. Children have both last names but mainly used the first one which is husbands one.

he would in no way be happy to change to mine or hyphenate!

Then ask him to come up with a reason that isn't pure sexism.