Wondering what people think about this..

I agree with pps above saying that this is about the power balance, and also I think the setting itself is important.

For example: if I was at work and men kept making comments and compliments about my appearance, I’d be uncomfortable- I’m at work. I’m in professional mode. It’s not appropriate to do so beyond the sort of ‘oh you got your hair cut, looks good, right about this dataset..’ thing.

If I’m at some fancy ball thing and dolled up to the nines, and men compliment me on my appearance, I’m Ok with that (and ok with women too.) if they pester then again I’m back to not being OK with it, because it’s gone beyond what’s appropriate in the situation.

There are settings where flirting is acceptable and ones where it isn’t. A street march, carnival, party, night out etc is the former.

As long as all these interactions were light hearted, and he didn’t feel threatened, then I think it’s all OK. I’m glad he had fun - pride generally is usually a really nice atmosphere.

Foxylizzy there is a difference between hitting on someone and flirting with them!

Gay male culture is very different to heterosexual male culture. The type of attention your DS would have got might have been deliberately embarrassing, overtly sexual and definitely a high degree of teasing but probably wasn't actually threatening. You're right that lesbians don't tend to catcall and overtly sexualise young women in the street! However the way the gay men were behaving with your son wouldn't have been intended or experienced the same way it would have been with a group of straight men and a teenage girl.
When I was young I loved getting attention from lesbians in gay bars. I totally sucked up the non threatening validation

Ds1 and boyfriend were here yesterday

Boyfriend said he reckoned he was gay because his mum wanted a girl....

I asked ds1 why he was gay

Overbearing mother apparently

lass

fekko

awesome

Most young people are metrosexual , and most young people live in the 21st century

I have always been a lesbian , but believe me this is all quite normal , my nephew and niece were proud to march with me and my girlfriend at many prides over many years

both my Niece and Nephew are straight , ! and both still do pride events with their old school friends who are LGBT

this Victorian attitude is ridiculous gay men know if a boy is straight and don't hit on him , same with us lesbians we don't hit on straight women

Its called GAYDAR ,

Of course talking to people is fine! I was talking about passing comments about looks alone. Mmm!

There's the chat up, flirtatious line. Then there's the creepy, continued unwanted comments. I wouldn't mind receiving some of the former - way past that age, sadly. But would loudly object to the latter.

Strutting your stff at Pride? Guaranteed to get a big, bodacious flirty response, male, female, gay, staright and anywhere on any scale in between! You sone njoyed it you hypothetical(?) daughter would have enjoyed it. It wasn't unwanted and was a fun day out, it seems!

We all have an ego, your DS just got his stroked!

Probably it's because I am sooooo a liberal leftie and I feel validated by being cool about people thinking my son is gay!

My son told me when he was 15 that Mum , I've got something to tell you and I know it's going to be hard for you, but I'm not gay 


Mine was when a transvestite said that they loved my earrings and asked where I got them from. He was very glam (full cocktail dress, makeup and heels in a grimy Glasgow dive bar).

Rufus

waddle

Yes!!

My favourite complement was when a gay man told dh that he was punching above his weight with me

Yes im shallow...but im bloody owning it

talking to people is fine! I was talking about passing comments about looks alone

That is exactly what happened to your son.

Your son was probably flirted with by men who most likely knew he isn't gay

This! He has the power they know he isnt interested so it's flirting with no agenda which is basically getting lots of compliments

Quite a few assumptions there. I would have thought the first assumption of the men doing the chatting up was that he is gay.

I agree with Reluctant Camper 's post at 10.25. It really depends on how the conversation goes. Bertrand says the gay men were chatting her son up, flirting in fac, but the equipment for straight men and her daughter is propositioning. Both scenarios could be either.

So far as not being validated by looks- her son just has been.

I feel quite strongly about women being validated by male approval and by men making unsolicited remarks about women's appearance. That's taking it too far though. How will the human race continue if people are not allowed to chat people up?

Men have historically been the prime movers in the chat up stakes, but that doesn't make the prospective flirt a wholly unpleasant or unwarranted intrusion.

It's a bit like the GDPR at the moment. The law say you can'trepeoatedly contact a business or individua if they have sai no thanks or 'unsubscribe'. On facebook now there are so many posts asking how to report a company for having contacted another business or individual. When I explain that they are allowed to I get GDPR thrown at me... I ask how the fuck businesses are supposed to contact prospective clients and the answer is "They should wait for me to ask them!"

That is as illogical in business as it is in life!

First ask... OK. First response wholly dictates what happens next. But you can't equate ALL flirtationin ALL circumstancesas unwanted intrusions and thus prosecutable!

How will your 17yr old get his first sexual partner? If he can't make a passing comment, try his luck, practice his chat up lines... how does he start?

fekko
Your son was probably flirted with by men who most likely knew he isn't gay.

This! He has the power they know he isnt interested so it's flirting with no agenda which is basically getting lots of compliments.

In my youth (ha!) I greatly enjoyed being flirted with by gay men - we both knew nothing was going to happen beyond lots of dancing (because I'm a woman) but still great fun.

I well remember enjoying being chatted up by men if they were pleasant. and as rufus says, at an event or in a nightclub it's not unexpected.

i think if you're straight it's pretty inevitable that you're going to be pleased at the idea that some men find you attractive. you probably do want to have sex with someone after all.

there's seeking male approval and wanting to get a shag. not necessarily the same thing!

Do you have a problem with girls being chatted up?

I think females also feel a massive confidence boost and feel cheerful after being "chatted up a lot" during certain events like dance festivals or parades.

I suppose the difference for females is that being chatted up can lead to worse such as physical assault but males rarely experience this escalation of events. But I'd generally not be concerned by it.

I agree with bride

Plus he was at an event...which i would take to be at a party or nightclub which are both places i would expect people to be chatted up

Not walking diwn the road or accepting delivery of a parcel or alone in a coffee shop etc