Mumsnet is a hotbed of terrorist radicalisation

Fucking Mumsnet terrorists are terrifying, what with their Zoflora weapons of mass germ destruction and water boarding poor maligned toilet brushes!

My terrorist den house is guarded by Heath Robinson style booby fuck it, is booby a transphobic word? traps and siege weapons made from empty Zoflora bottles and retired toilet brushes. I arm them with dishwasher tablets.

God!!!

If we are having visitors shoukd the loo be clean?????

Is that because we're to expect SAS squad style troops smashing through our windows in the near future,

Oooh do ou think that might happen?

Will they give us a heads up do you think?

Its just i need to pop a bra on

And something more than knickers on

And put my makeup on

And do my hair

And i really ought to brush my teeth

Ds2 will be terribly excited!!

(I dont clean loos)

I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning named as a dangerous radical responsible for wide-scale political protests, (true story).

Clearly MN is performing subliminal radicalisation. You may think you're using free will to eschew leggings or smelly disinfectants, but sooner or later you'll find yourself wearing a fake beard in a pond and realise it was all a cunning plan.

So, posting comments that some people don't like on the internet - terrorism. Turning up to meetings in masks in an attempt to shut them down - not terrorism.

Another fun day in upside down land.

yep, who knew we were so powerful? I mean if a bunch of (mainly) women chatting has the same effect as literal violence who knows what else we could do?

Actually, take a look at the Man Friday for a real life example. well done again chaps.

no wonder us talking here scares the crap out of a certain sort of man.

Of course, MN is U.K. based, so it's understandable people who get their 'information' largely from US-dominated web sources will believe we're pretty much in a terrorist state anyway as this comment piece in today's Times explains. (Note the one area where he does seem to think we have a potential problem though, towards the bottom...)

Is anyone else quite proud. To be honest I thought I was a 40 something slightly overweight woman fucking about on the internet. Turns out I am an international terrorist. I have never achieved so much with so little effort. If I actually put some effort in I could be prime minister by next Tuesday.

No zoflora here. I had an old boss who was radicalised way before mn on the zoflora front and used to insist that whoever cleaned the toilets had to use it. That's put me off for life.

things mumsnet has radicalised me into doing:

• buying bras that fit
• couch to 5k
• korean skin care routine (love getting my little packages from the east, although now I realise it puts me on some sort of list)
• starting my xmas present buying in April
• not using disablist insults
• buying all sorts of shit

truly this place can change your life.

My God WatermelonGlitter, things have moved on from my days of shoving a tumble dryer sheet down the back of the radiator. That is truly serious radicalisation.

Am I missing something here? Is there a secret hidden topic area or a password?

Of course the really serious radicalisation is taking place over on Facebook..where they soak tampons and sanitary towels in zoflora and stick them behind the radiators to make the house smell nice. Someone should tell MI6 or something.

Is this the person who was having the 15:00 meeting with antiterrorism? I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall at that one.
Can just imagine the morning briefing: ‘Good morning everyone. Right, another busy day keeping Britain safer Smith, you take the tip off about the possible bombing attempt. Robson, id like you to investigate the tip on funding for jihadi networks. Now then we’ve got a good one here ... mumsnet. (Room sniggers.) (points to junior officer who is still on probation) McKeith, I think you can take this one. ‘But siiiirrrr....’

Oops strike through fail. Sorry.

I was radicalised by MN Zofloraists into putting a few drops into my hoover. They said it would make the house smell lovely when I hoovered — a million times a day. bloody dog and small child mess— . It didn’t. Now my house smells like dead musty flowers whenever I hoover and my life is ruined. All because of MNHQ failure to tackle these extremists.

Mortificado was paradoxically anarchic despite the vast excess of royalty.

It just occurred me thst there was a massive missed opportunity for a parallel Mortificado royal wedding a couple of weekends ago. We should organise one to coincide with the ginger princess’s wedding (Bea? Eugenie?) in the autumn.

Perhaps bleaching skirting boards is where the real radicals can be found. No one seems to be talking about the skirting boards.

Such hyperbole, they sound a bit unhinged. They must be so exhausting to be around IRL.

Is it possible that ‘bleaching door frames’ was really code for ‘putting Russian nerve agent on door handles’ and Mumsnet has actually been infiltrated by a sleeper cell to bring down the UK government.

I wonder what Vlad was plotting with the ‘women and children don’t say cheers’ thread?

Dunno Not - I've been in far more fights on Style & Beauty than I've even seen on here. I probably started most of them too.

The last time I went to buy Zoflora, some kind soul who works filling shelves had put the Hyacinth and the Bouquet next to each other. It made me smile.

It’s not style and beauty, it’s the dog section. I mean it’s calmed down now from the really militant days but that’s where the terrorists are!

And don't get me started on those "weddings" abroad. Maui?