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Original poster

"Rage wanking" as remote rape

35 replies

bd67th · 25/05/2018 21:44

The context is this rather disturbing photo where a man has loaded a photo of a woman onto his phone and ejaculated onto said phone with the caption "This is your true purpose." The "crime" of the woman in question appears to be supporting the campaign to repeal the eighth amendment.

At first, I thought "ew, I wouldn't want to work at the phone shop when he takes that in for repair". Then I felt really quite disturbed, so I had a think about why.

I'm reading his defacement of her image with his semen as an attempt to degrade her. He can't degrade her in person through rape, so he defaces her photo with his semen and shows her (by publishing the photos) that he has done it. I think this could be called "rage wanking", because he didn't do it for sexual pleasure, he did it to degrade her, and it's on a continuum of "penis as weapon" male violence against women with rape at the severest end and "choke on my dick" at the least-severe end.

AIBU with my analysis? And AIBU in thinking this man would try to rape the woman if he had access to her? My gut feeling is that he would try it.

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niddy · 27/05/2018 10:02

I find it staggering that this type of online behaviour can't be persued by the police as 'malicious intent'. As that is exactly what that is.
I am however aware through my own experience that Twitter have more power than the police and they decide whether or not (and mostly decide to not!) release a perpetrator's IP address. Rendering the police and the victims of this behaviour utterly powerless to fight back, get justice. So it in effect becomes a double assault of sorts.

LaSqrrl · 27/05/2018 09:39

I would say that this particular man may as well have written NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND, WOMEN AVOID on his own forehead in indelible ink.

Thoroughly agreed.

'Rage wanking' is a good enough term. Hopefully some of these rage wankers will suffer a heart attack while doing it, all that anger and rage might just trigger it.

Original poster
bd67th · 26/05/2018 22:50

@loraline, if it had been shared by anyone other than the victim, I'd have been hammering the report button to get it removed, not doing a feminist analysis of it in public.

@offred: "if you're ashamed of it, don't say it" --Danny, Brassed Off (the play)

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anonymouseagain · 26/05/2018 22:45

D'oh. bd already said that.

anonymouseagain · 26/05/2018 22:44

The tweet has been removed. I don't know why. Possibly it was reported? Or Vonny herself removed as is her right.

Loraline · 26/05/2018 18:33

Ah. I misunderstood.

Offred · 26/05/2018 15:34

He didn’t share it, vonny did, to expose him. He was very angry about her exposing his vile DMs.

Loraline · 26/05/2018 15:29

I agree with your post op but I haven't clicked on the link - does it show the image? Given how you feel about it I can't fathom why you would share the link which only bumps up the potential viewing figures and will bolster his smugness in having shared it.

Original poster
bd67th · 26/05/2018 15:27

@rememberthetime it's one step away from doing it in person

Yes! That's what I'm trying to convey. That the tweeted example (which I wish I'd screencapped for further analysis as the tweet has gone) was him using her picture as a proxy or substitute for her body.

Flowers you deserve better.

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Offred · 26/05/2018 15:24

Yes remember that’s horrendous.

It’s kind of what I meant re the issue not being just about whether this man has a realistic prospect of accessing vonny IRL.

I mean I think it’s bad enough just on it’s own BUT this man is surrounded by other women who are not vonny every day...

I simply do not think it is true to say he poses no risk to them.

Typeractive · 26/05/2018 14:41

Yes, truly terrible. I'm so sorry you went through that. Flowers

Ereshkigal · 26/05/2018 14:36

rememberthetime Thanks

Original poster
bd67th · 26/05/2018 14:06

@thebewilderness Do you mean the iPad mounts for fleshlights, so you can watch porn and not need to hold the tablet and fleshlight separately? I had mentally filed those as "laziness aids", but yes I can see how they could be used to facilitate a "remote rape".

We really need terminology and analysis for this. I can see why PPs consider "remote rape" an inappropriate term, but I can't at the moment think of a better one, other than "rage wank", which isn't very formal and doesn't IMO adequately express the levels of anger, frustration, and desire to dominate the target. I really do feel that this is red flag behaviour and this guy would rape, or masturbate on, Vonny if he could.

This is also making me think harder about the power dynamic in pornography: even if the porn is consensual and shows safe enjoyable sex acts, once the pics/footage are published, the actors have no control over what it's used for after that, including as a PP said being misused to put someone else's face on the actors' bodies .

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rememberthetime · 26/05/2018 12:19

it's one step away from doing it in person - this happened to me after a nasty argument about my sex life (before we met). he stood next to me and wanked over my face after telling me he thought I was a slut...

I don't think I have ever felt so defiled in my life. if I knew someone was doing this remotely - I am sure I would feel the same.

That memory is one of the worst I have of a long and not very nice marriage. it felt worse than everything else somehow.

Ereshkigal · 26/05/2018 10:14

This kind of thing is partly why many women don't have their pictures as profile pictures on twitter. I've seen this done to another woman too. Which is why it's a bit rich when you talk about political issues pertaining to women and you get called a faceless anonymous coward.

Original poster
bd67th · 26/05/2018 10:10

Typeractive Weird that he begs her to leave him alone. Do you think he really sees himself as the victim?

I think that some people don't understand that if you post or comment online, anyone with an account can reply, by design. Also, fourth rule of misogyny applies here: she had an opinion and therefore he's a victim of her having her own ideas.

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BrandNewHouse · 26/05/2018 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WickedLazy · 26/05/2018 04:24

Dear lord, I hope no pics of my face have been used that way. I'll never know? The thought of that just gave me a chill down my spine.

thebewilderness · 26/05/2018 02:14

I'd always read non-realistic fleshlights (like the clear ones) as just a sex toy, never thought they were a problem.

Sorry, I meant the kind that connects to the phone or tablet so they can watch the face of the woman they hate white they wank.
There is a website where you put the persons face of your choice on the woman being abused in porn scenes.

Offred · 26/05/2018 01:38

Re sex and shame....

Men often use sex to shame women but I have noticed that broadly men very frequently hold deep deep shame about sex and their own sexuality.

Far more often than women.

I think women tend to suffer from some level of disconnection re their own bodies and sexuality but only quite rarely actually feel shame about their sexuality.

Which is weird really given all the effort men put into sexually shaming women All. The. Time.

I suspect it may come from, at least in part, cognitive dissonance because the way men treat women re sex and sexuality is objectively appalling. On some level I think they know this inside and this is why the men who are most misogynistic and most homophobic are the ones who have the most shame....

Typeractive · 26/05/2018 01:37

This is so very disturbing.

Weird that he begs her to leave him alone. Do you think he really sees himself as the victim?

Offred · 26/05/2018 01:32

I would say that this particular man may as well have written NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND, WOMEN AVOID on his own forehead in indelible ink.

Quite.

SexyManatee · 26/05/2018 01:29

I agree with you OP and too am struggling for the words.

This is sexual activity intended to intimidate, not pleasure. It needs its own definition - language and law hasn't yet caught up so I don't know what to call it.

AngryAttackKittens · 26/05/2018 01:25

I would say that this particular man may as well have written NOT SAFE TO BE AROUND, WOMEN AVOID on his own forehead in indelible ink.

Original poster
bd67th · 26/05/2018 01:09

offred: Would you think this man safe to be around all the other women who are not vonny just cos he probably won’t get to vonny?

This too. Which is, now I think about it, another reason why it feels "rapey": if he'll wank on his own phone and take a photo of his jizzed phone with Vonny's pic and call Vonny a whore (previous tweet in the thread), that's red flag behaviour. Also, how many rules of patriarchy can you spot in his screencaps in that twitter thread?

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